Name: Emmauk26 (Signed) · Datum: 2008.09.23 08:48 · Für: Chapter 1
WOW I LOVE this story soooooo much, it's amazing I read it none stop for two and a half days, seiriously, well i stopped to go pick my kids up from school but that's about it. ;-D Please please tell me where i can find the sequel and what it's called i'm dying to read it. Gonna go look for more of your work now keep up the good work and thanks for a fantastic story.
Author's Response:Hey there...I am sorry I haven't responded to your review. Its been awhile since I've been here. Thank you so very much for your kind words. I am sincerely blushing here. Thank you. Take care and have a wonderful and blessed day.
Cheers!
Shannon K
Name: pollycolorado (Anonymous) · Datum: 2008.05.13 18:36 · Für: Chapter 1
First of all, I am very, very, totally, very, absolutely, very sorry I came across as being hard on you. I want to do nothing but encourage you. I am in awe of you and your writing, especially what you are doing in your "spare" time. Most of my family are teachers and I know just how hard you work.
It was the "use to teach English" that killed me. You admitted to being educated and literate, so yes, my standards for you are HIGH! Only because I can tell you are terrific and it seems a shame to take great writing and then be a bit---dare I say it? SLOPPY! I know this is just "fan fic" so perhaps I am expecting too much. It isn't like it is REAL writing. Maybe only a former English teacher would really care. Wait--that would be---YOU! Gosh, obviously I am wrong!
:-) (I hope you can tell I am teasing you!)
Meanwhile, I am searching for more of your work! I tried the ff.net, but it is in the process of closing, it says. I couldn't find any fiction area. Guidance?
Keep writing. Don't take me or any one else too seriously. As long as you are enjoying yourself, that's what counts.
pco
Author's Response:Well, thanks for the review and the clarification. I will warn you that this may be a bit jumbled (I've had only 4 hours of sleep, have a fever, and I have to be at work today) so I may or may not make much sense.
I try my best with the proofing, but luckily I have someone that is an excellent proofer and she manages to catch what spell check doesn't.
I would say that writing fan fic is real writing, just without the glory or the monetary rewards that a published work would give someone. And like you said, if you are enjoying yourself, that's what counts.
My other stuff is over at fanfiction.net. Some I am proud of some, I cringe a bit at. I use the same name. I'm not overly original.
Well, I have to go and pretend that I care about shapes and numbers. Thanks for your thoughts. Have a wonderful and blessed day.
Cheers!
Shannon
Name: pollycolorado (Anonymous) · Datum: 2008.05.09 22:45 · Für: Chapter 1
By the way--no fair saying you posted a sequel on another site and then not saying where!!! I'd love to read more of your writing. Where do I go?
Also, please don't be defensive about that one review saying you had some mistakes--I believe you wrote in reply " I use to teach English", which was not exactly proving your point. (I know you meant you used to teach, not use to teach!) It is very, very difficult to proof your own work. You see what you meant to say, and not always what is actually right in front of you. EVERYONE makes mistakes. I make my living writing and I make dumb mistakes ten times a day. That's why I have someone else proof my stuff, and if it is being printed by the thousands on expensive paper--I have three more people proof it again. And when the project gets delivered, there right in front of my nose is some dang typo! So, the reviewer was telling you the truth. As a reader, it stops the flow when you are missing a word in a sentence or use the wrong word or have other technical problems. That's one of the cardinal sins of writing--stopping the read, dropping the reader out of the story and onto the words. Your work is pretty terrific, but you could use a good proofer!!! Take pity on your readers and keep them in the story, not trying to figure out what you meant to say if you had just put all the words into the sentence.
Sorry--got a bit soapbox, there. I English teacher not--but pretty good lecturer, huh? Keep up the good work. Lots of imagination, good characterization, dialog not bad at all, sometimes downright excellent. You have the beloved Daniel/Jack exchange down to a science.
Thanks!
Author's Response:Thanks for the soapbox lecture. Ouch. I do have people proof stuff (I have a really good writing buddy), but still stuff slips through. Also, when I am writing a response, it isn't something that I am terribly worried about - grammatically speaking. I am more concerned about people knowing that I appreciate their time for taking time to read and review, not whether or not I constructed the sentence just right (besides, half the time I respond when I am at work and really can't take too much time away from my students - thank God for planning periods - so I am a bit rushed).
Well, despite my failing, I am glad you liked the story and that it somewhat lived up to your standards. Thanks for taking the time to read and drop me a review or two.
Cheers!
PS...my other stuff is over at ff.net; at the very least, you can see a progress in my ability to tell a story/construct sentences/dialogue and how my bad attitude has spiraled down into a cesspool of being perpetually pissed off at the world (I think there is a definate reflection of my attitude in my writing).
Name: pollycolorado (Anonymous) · Datum: 2008.05.09 22:28 · Für: Epilogue
I've enjoyed reading this very much. Amazing how well the "legend" of Daniel fits being an Immortal. Great job.
ps. Astral plane, not plain. :-)
Author's Response:Oh well, like I said earlier...things slip through. Thanks though for the review.
Cheers!
Name: juli (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.11.29 17:07 · Für: Chapter 24
WOW! this story is incredible. i just can't stop reading. it's just so tensed. i'm really glad i found this side. very good writing. i hope you have some more stories like this one.
Author's Response:Thank you very much! I just finished posting this story even though it had been finished elsewhere for awhile now. I hope you will like the rest of the story. Again, thanks for the read and review. Have a great day.
Cheers!
Shannon
Name: quikshadow (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.10.07 05:09 · Für: Chapter 24
Wow you've been busy posting since last reviewed. I shall return soon to read the rest. It's great so far!
Author's Response:No, I've been lazy and haven't been back here for quite awhile. Got distracted by other projects, real life, and whatnot. Thanks for reading and I hope you will like the rest - I just finished posting the rest of the story. Thanks and have a great day.
Cheers!
Shannon K
Name: Titi Oo (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.10.06 16:42 · Für: Chapter 32
I'm not sure if I like you.
No seriously. I wasn't planning on joining this site thingy, but now, I have to just to see if there's an update alert system. That, and I really have no fucking clue how the date system works, so either you updated in March or a few days ago.
So to sum it up: Love the story, not sure if I like you.
Author's Response: Okay. thank you I think...I feel a bit confused, but thanks for reading and dropping me a note. Cheers!
Name: Gracie (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.10.04 16:17 · Für: Chapter 32
I totally love this story!!! I like the dark Daniel, it's different from what he is normally shown as. Cool. Good work and post soon again.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I appreciate the review and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to acknowledge your review. I am glad that you like dark Daniel - I do too. Cheers!
Name: Grace (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.08.08 23:39 · Für: Chapter 24
Sorry haven't reviewed, but wanted to tell you I am enthralled with your story. Daniel as an Immortal is my favorite x-over story, and you have done it well. Yes, the story is a little long, but that just means more for me to read! Thank you for sharing.
Author's Response:Okay, I haven't been around here for awhile, but I wanted to say thank you for reading my story. I appreciate it and I hope you will like the rest of it.
Cheers!
Shannon K
Name: Robin (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.07.18 23:47 · Für: Chapter 7
Reading up to Chapter 7 I found the reading easy if at times broken by misused verb tenses and sometimes the use of the wrong word. Also small words were often left out that would have been caught if proof read before submission.
Comments were made about the length of the stories but these are not stand alone stories and it would have faired better if submitted in one piece, not chopped up piecemeal where you have to continue to click next, next, next.
"Chapter" seven had barely anything to it that should be considered a separate chapter.
The characters' conversations come across as stiff and unnatural because of the lack of contractions that would normally be used.
So far it's been a simple story that could be fleshed out so much more and nothing has grabbed me that makes me want to continue for however many clicks it takes.
Bottom line, read through your work before submission and put more thought into how you're building your story and how you're presenting it to be read. The disclosure paragraph repeated eighteen times takes up about six chapters in itself.
Author's Response:Well, that is your opinion and I thank you for taking the time to let me know what you think. While I am sure that I occassionally did make some grammatical mistakes, I am sure that they are not on the scale that you are implying. I use to teach English and I was pretty careful to catch most of them or correct them at a later date. Also, because of things that I have encountered at other websites, i am careful about including a disclosure. Unless someone "official" at this site tells me otherwise, I prefer to CMA.
I broke the story up as it made sense to the overall picture adn where there are more natural breaks. i have found that if I lump everything together, it tends to turn off some people, plus it keeps me from running on and on. It forces me to be a bit more conscise.
Believe me, this story is well fleshed out and I noticed that you apparently stopped at chapter 7 - you didn't seem to give it a fair chance. This story is over 40 chapters long (it's actually bigger than my Master's thesis - which is kind of depressing in a way) and was well thought-out. I will not be hurried in my writing process. This project took me over a year to complete, so it's not a slap-dash thing I threw together like some others out there. I know about the writing process and the importance of proofreading. While I am not perfect in the least, I do my best to check my work over before publishing anything.
I do appreciate you taking the time to give it a try and letting me know what you think even though I very much disagree with you. But still, peace and happiness to you and yours.
Shannon K
Name: KrisK (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.07.17 15:31 · Für: Chapter 16
Glad to see more!
"Pissed off women and explosives, the men silently contemplated, were a dangerous combination."
Great line, and so true! That's Sam, very much Sam.
Daniel's story is very interesting, as is his bantering with Jack. Look forward to more! And yes, you're efforts are very much appreciated, at least by me!
Author's Response:Hey, I can respond! I just discovered this...I'm slow sometimes.
Anyway, I just wanted to swing by and say thank you. Also, I just posted two more chapters to this monster.
Name: quikshadow (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.07.16 22:56 · Für: Chapter 16
Very elaborate history for Daniel. You wrote great and gave this story justice. I love it. If there are anymore chapters I hope to read them soon. :)
Author's Response:Yea! Someone else is reviewing (not that I am discounting KrisK)! I just posted 2 more chapters and I hope you will find them to your liking. Thank you for taking the time to review.
Cheers!
Name: KrisK (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.07.10 17:14 · Für: Chapter 14
I like these last couple of chapters, and I'm glad to see Jack and Teal'c being able to hold their own. I know that Daniel has years of experience on them, but they have to be good, too, to have survived this long.
Also, always like to see stuff blown up...A little C4 goes a long way!
Thanks for sharing more of the story. Love the Roman culture.
Name: KrisK (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.06.24 00:02 · Für: Chapter 10
Okay, that's more like it. Thanks for having more to read, kept me up past my bedtime!
Great history lessons, Alexander the Great is one of my favorites. I do miss your use of pop culture, but the 'Monster's Inc.' part was good.
Keep up the writing, I'll look for more on this story. Thanks for sharing it!
Name: KrisK (Anonymous) · Datum: 2007.06.14 10:52 · Für: Chapter 3
I like seeing Daniel as the Immortal. Makes much more sense than Jack. And Daniel has the wisdom to portray this as well. I like your use of pop culture to lighten the mood, but would also like to see more character work between the team, as a way to show their friendships with each other.
Keep writing! I look forward to the next chapter!
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