PoW
PoW
by Kat. H
Summary: Sma is a Prisoner of War.
Category: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: R
Warnings: adult themes, violence
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 07/08/03
Author's notes: Italics indicate Sam's thoughts. Also this story and others on at this site: http://www.geocities.com/carter74656/Navbar.html
It's been 5 years next month since we lost her. I still have nightmares about it. I keep seeing her go down, then swamped by Jaffa. Yelling as I was pulled through the gate. I should never have left her. No one gets left behind. Ha! We tried to go back of course but they must have activated their gate. When we finally got through, the planet was deserted. I don't know if she's alive or dead. We never found her body so that gave me hope. But the Tok'ra have spies everywhere and she has never been heard from. The planet was supposed to be deserted, for Christ's sake! Somebody screwed up big time. I really miss her. SG-1 are still going through the gate, still fighting the Goa'ulds and still looking for her. It may have been different if she were here. But the SGC is still going, and Hammond is still running it, though I'm not sure for how much longer. He's under a lot of pressure from the Pentagon to retire but he holds on. He does so because he knows we're still looking, everyone is. If we got even the smallest clue she's been found, that planet somehow jumps up the list to become the next mission for SG-1 and whoever is off-duty on the base at the time. We've launched full-scale attacks on base we thought she might be at. All with volunteers. Even people who never knew her have heard the tales and are often just as devoted to finding her as anyone else. But we never do. Maybe she's not alive, and this is all a waste of time. I know writing this is but I'm under orders from a shrink. If I don't 'write down my feeling', I'm out. And then I can't look for her. They don't understand. I have to find her. She has to be okay. I need her. We all do.
Jack O'Neill looked at the piece of paper with his 'confession' on and tore it up. It was no use. There was no way he was going to tell a bunch of shrinks his feeling about 'this matter'. They didn't know her. How could they possibly under the loss everyone had suffered because he couldn't keep her safe? Rubbing his eyes wearily with one hand, he rose. Time for the briefing. There had been no clue about Sam's whereabouts for 2 years. This was just another boring planet, probably complete with trees and rocks for Daniel to 'ooh' and 'ahh' over. But these days even he wasn't as excited as he used to be. They had all aged over the last 5 years. Losing someone as close to you as SG-1 were could do that to you. Daniel often got more enthusiastic about a battle plan to find her than his 'rocks'. He had lost any innocence he had managed to keep over the years. Teal'c was just as he had always been. Unless you knew him. Then you knew he was hurting just as much if not more than anyone else. He spent all his spare time training. He saw her as a sister and a fellow warrior and he admired her more than he had ever said. And Jack had become even more sarcastic and cranky and yet quieter. It had all affected them in so many ways. They all regret things they never said. Each one of them, at one time or another, had turned around to tell her something, just to find she wasn't there. Or walk around the base looking for, only to remember and feel the pain all over again. It was hard.
Jack sat through the briefing on autopilot. He listened to Daniel, added his comments when asked and Okayed the mission. He knew Daniel and Teal'c did the same thing. SG-11 were going to join them on this mission. Something about a big temple and lots of rocks. As SG-11 weren't busy, Hammond had decided to send them along to speed up the routine mission so they could get on with more important stuff.
Jack was glad to home. The mission had been as boring as expected. However his relief vanished when he saw Hammond' face.
"SG-5 were ambushed off-world. So far only 1 has made it back to the gate. We're scrambling a rescue mission. Any volunteers?" asked the General. Jack glanced at SG-1 and SG-11 and then turned to the General.
"SG-1 and 11 waiting to ship out sir," he announced.
"Thought you'd say that. You ship out in 1 hour. Get yourselves to the infirmary and checked out."
"Yes sir," and they set, in a trot to the infirmary.
Janet had changed as well since Sam's disappearance. They had been best friends. She had grown a lot closer to SG-1. She was still the best doctor around but she rarely smiled any more. She still remembered having to tell Cassie that Sam was missing and probably dead. It was assumed that she was now. Though officially she was still MIA, it was only a matter of time before that became KIA. Though Janet never told anyone, she had long ago given up any hope of ever finding her friend alive. It would have to be a miracle and those seemed in short supply at the moment.
SG-1, 11, 2 and 6 gathered in the gate room 15 minutes before the allotted ship out time. The unspoken need to find their missing friends. It was the same in all branches of the military when someone was missing but maybe it was even more pronounced in the SGC, as they were so close. When no one else in the world can know what you do for the major half of your life, you tended to stick to hanging around with your work mates. So when someone from your family goes missing, you do what you can.
"More re-enforcements will be sent as soon as they are available. You have a go," Hammond announced over the PA. Jack saluted the General then yelled "Go, go, go!" and 20 soldiers ran through the gate to rescue their friends.
Breaking into the Goa'uld base had been surprisingly easy. Once in a while however, things got harder. They were shot at from all sides. Of the 20 men who had volunteered, 4 were guarding the gate and another 4 guarding the entrance to enable them to get out. And 2 were dead. The remaining 10 had split into 2 groups of 5. Jack led the team after the missing SG team while the other group led by Colonel Wright set about planting C4 and causing general chaos to keep the Jaffa busy. This team were considered the largest threat therefore clearing the way for Jack and his team. Teal'c lead them through the maze of tunnels. But the going was slow as Jaffa were constantly popping up and shooting at them.
"O'Neill, the cells are this way," announced Teal'c before slipping out of the corridor and out of sight. Jack cursed. He wished the big guy wouldn't do that. A little more warning was always nice. Sighing he followed him, as did Daniel. Perkins and Davis stayed at the cell entrance on guard.
Inside Jack saw Teal'c had been right. He really had no idea where the missing team were being held. Teal'c had stated that once they started to cause trouble, the Goa'uld would send his prisoners back to the cells so he could turn all his attention to getting more prisoners. But one thing had been in their favour all along. The Goa'uld were arrogant. All the ships and bases had the same lay out. Once you knew one you knew them all. And the prisoners were always kept in the same place. The Goa'ulds thought themselves so superior that they believed the pathetic Tau'ri couldn't possibly breach their defences to get at his precious prisoners. May that was why they had killed so many of the snakes, thought Jack as they crept through the cells. Finally they found the one containing the remaining members of SG-5. They weren't in good shape.
"Hey. Get away from the door."
"Colonel O'Neill?"
"The one and only. Now move back."
They complied and Teal'c blasted the door with his staff weapon. Inside were 4 very sorry looking SG-5 team members. They all had cuts and bruising and there were al least 3 broken bones that Jack could see. This wasn't going to be easy.
"Okay, Daniel, you grab Parks. Major, you're going to have to help him. Griffith, can you-"
"Colonel, she's here," stated Griffith. Jack didn't need to ask whom. He knew just by looking at the Major's face. Sam Carter was here.
"Alive?" he choked out.
"Barely. We gotta got her outta here Colonel. My men can get out of here themselves now. I'll show you where she is."
Jack nodded, slipping out of shock in to Colonel mode. He had to save her. He slipped back to the entrance.
"Perkins, Davis. You 2 get Parks, Beach and Wood out of here. Get back to the gate and get them home. They need medical attention immediately."
"What about you sir?" asked Davis.
"Carter's here," was all he needed to say. They had both known her.
"We'll keep the lights on for you sir. Bring her back."
"That was my plan."
Jack, Teal'c, Daniel and Griffith ran down the corridor. At least they tried to. Griffith was in worse shape than he had let on and Jack was regretting letting him show them the way. But he was the only one who had seen her. They meet few Jaffa along the way. The Goa'ulds seemed to be focussing his energy on the 'front lines', which was the plan. Any Jaffa that got in their way were disposed of quickly and effectively. Jack was not in the mood for playing games, neither were the others. They had one goal in mind: finding Samantha Carter. And nobody was going to stop them now. When they finally reached the second lot of cells, Griffith pointed to the one she had been in when he had seen her. Jack prayed she hadn't been moved since. They were too damn close now. Griffith held Jack back for a second.
"Colonel...it's not pretty."
Jack shrugged off his hand and Zatted the door into oblivion. Even with the Major's warning the sight that met his eyes shocked him. The cell was dark. The only light came from the corridor they were in. But it was enough. In the corner was a figure with blonde hair. That was only indication it was Sam Carter. That and those deep blue eyes. But Jack had never seen her eyes look like this. In them he saw absolute terror and pain. Complete primal fear. She sat huddled in the corner in rags. The smell in the cell was almost overwhelming; human waste, and blood mixed with the smell of burnt flesh and hair. In the corner Jack though he saw a human body in some state of decay with just added to the aroma and horror of it. Holding his breath he took a step into the cell. Sam shrank back even further, trying to blend herself with the wall. The closer he got the smaller she seemed to become. As he got closer, he felt sicker. She was sick and bones. The rags barely covered her. Her skin was covered with burns and cuts and bruises. There were whip marks on her back and large scars everywhere. Her hair had been shaven off, or burnt off. Her right arm was set at an odd angle. Her feet were a mass of cuts. Jack realised why as he glanced at the floor and saw it was uneven with sharp edges. She was covered in dirt and blood. Jack felt sick.
"Oh my god," he heard Daniel whisper, shortly followed by some vomiting. Jack couldn't blame him. He had seen Prisoners of War but this was...this was his friend like this.
"O'Neill, we must get her out of here immediately."
"Yeah, right."
Jack crouched next to her and lifted his hand to touch her shoulder. She flinched and when his hand came in contact, she started screaming and yelling and fighting him.
"Dammit," Jack cursed and he tried to hold her down and shut her up. This wasn't very hard as she was very weak. Then she kicked him right where it hurt. He let go of her and she scrambled across the cell to the door only to find it blocked. She started screaming again, inarticulate words. Seeing no other way, Jack pulled out his Zat and shot her before he had time to think about what he was doing. She crumpled to the floor. Teal'c pulled off his jacket and wrapped her in it, before lifting her into his arms.
"Jack, you okay?" asked Daniel from the door.
"Yeah, just peachy. At least she still has some fight left in her, " he muttered. "Come on. Let's get out of here."
"Wait. Is that someone there?" Daniel pointed to the figure in the other corner. The smell told Jack all he needed to know.
"He's gone, Daniel. Whoever he was."
Daniel nodded.
Jack went first, then Teal'c carrying Sam, Griffith, with Daniel covering their backs. They made it out of the base in record time. The only thing on each of their minds was getting their precious passenger home where she belonged. At the main entrance they met Perkins and Davis.
"I thought I told you got go home," demanded Jack.
"Yes sir. But no one gets left behind remember? That includes you. Thought you might like some help," replied Davis as he and Perkins moved to help Griffith while trying not to stare at the body in Teal'c's arms. It could only be called a body because that was not Sam Carter, not the person they all knew anyway.
"She's alive, just," said Jack, answering their unspoken question. "Now let's go."
They had travelled half way to the gate when Sam decided to wake up. Instantly she started screaming the same inarticulate screams as before and struggling to escape Teal'c's arms.
Jack tried to calm her down and shut her up but it was no use. She was past reason.
"Sir, I've got some Morphine but I'd rather not give her anything," said Davis.
"Understood." Jack tried to cover her mouth but she just bit his hand. Pulling away, he quickly assessed the situation. Making a quick decision, he pulled out his knife and cut the arm off his jacket. Then he whispered, "I'm sorry Sam," before he gagged her with it.
"Jack!" gasped Daniel.
"It's the only way, Daniel. She'll bring a squad of Jaffa down on us otherwise."
"O'Neill."
It was all Teal'c needed to say to make Jack understand. She was still struggling and although she was weak she was still a handful. Jack knew what he had to do. That didn't mean he had to like it. He pulled a set of plastic restraints out of his pack and grabbed Sam's wrists. Hating himself, he tied the already raw wrists together before doing the same to the feet. All the time she fought. She was terrified but he had to do this. She was going to give their position away and as the woods were undoubtedly swarming with Jaffa with trigger-happy fingers that would not be a good thing. Teal'c wrapped her in his jacket again, trapping her arms to her side. She stopped struggling.
"Come on. Let's go."
As promised, the gate was still open, guarded by SG-2. Jack and his group hit the clearing at full sped. Seeing them coming, SG-2 started to back away to the gate, while still providing cover fire against the last of the Jaffa who insisted on the fight to the death thing. Jack reached the gate and practically threw himself through, followed by Teal'c, Daniel, Perkins, Davis and SG-2.
Janet waited in front of the gate, impatiently. SG-5 had told her that Sam was alive and coming home. Janet didn't dare hope. Suddenly someone came through the gate. It was Jack. Then Teal'c and Daniel. Soon everyone was accounted for and the iris was closed. Janet tried to ignore the thuds as people jumped through the gate and hit the iris. Yes, they were the enemy but she was a doctor and regretted all and any loss of human life. Then she saw the bundle in Teal'c's arms and any regret about the loss of life vanished. If they were the people who had done this to her friend, then that death was too good for them. Teal'c laid his cargo on a gunnery. But as soon as he let her go, Sam came alive. She started kicking and screaming again, despite the fact she was gagged and bound. Janet reached to untie her but Teal'c stopped her.
"It was necessary. She is very scared Doctor Fraiser and will cause herself and others harm."
"You mean, you tied her up?" asked Janet, appalled.
"We had to Doc. She was kicking and screaming. We wouldn't have made it back." Jack sat on the base of the ramp and buried his face in his hands. Janet regretted her outburst but she could apologise later. Right now she had a patient and her best friend to take care of. She called a couple of orderlies over to hold her down. This just made her fight even more. Janet knew she would have to sedate her but in her condition, Janet didn't know how Sam's body would cope.
"Okay, let's get her to the infirmary."
"We'll come with you Doc. You may need some help with her."
Janet knew a lame excuse when she saw one but she also knew desperation when she saw it. They needed to be with her. Even if they couldn't help, they needed to be near her, to feel as if they were helping. Besides one look at Sg-1 told Janet she was going to have a hard time keeping them away.
"Fine, but stay out of the way."
Sam didn't quieten down as they got to the lift. Once inside she withdrew into the smallest possible ball in the corner. No amount of soothing words or comforting would ease her fear. She didn't recognise them, Janet realised sadly. Janet had seen POW victims in her service time. And Sam was fitting the profile. Looking at Jack, she saw he realised it too. Then she cursed herself, as she remembered that he had been a POW himself. After spending 4 months in an Iraq prison he would know the score.
Once in the infirmary, Sam started fighting again. All she saw was danger. Janet didn't want to give her a sedative until she did an examination but it was staring to look like she had no choice. Sam was going to hurt herself or someone else. Filling a needle she ordered everyone to keep as still as possible. It took some doing but finally Janet managed to get the needle in. She watched with tears in her eyes and Sam's eyes drooped and closed and she fell into a drug-induced sleep. Janet shuddered and wandered how many of those she had been through in the past 5 years. Sam may be home but she was a long way from back.
Jack sat with his head resting on his hands on the briefing room table. Daniel and Teal'c sat opposite him as weary as him. Finally after what felt like a lifetime, Hammond and Janet entered the room, and sat down followed by Griffith.
Jack glanced at the Major questioningly. The General gave him the go ahead so the Major started the briefing.
"The Goa'uld that captured us, got his Jaffa to beat us up a bit, then he separated me from my team, said he had something to show me. He took me into a room and told his Jaffa to hold me. I though I was going to get a snake in the head. Instead they dragged a wriggling bundle out and threw her onto the floor in front of me. He said he had killed another Goa'uld and she came with the ship. He said the Goa'uld had been 'playing around with her but during her 4 years with him, he had shown her that it was really like. He said that he played a lot harder. She amused him and he 'played with her' everyday he could."
"Played?" asked Daniel, though by the look on his face he knew.
"They tortured her. Real bad. They did so and made me watch before trying it out on me. God, it hurt. I don't know what he used but I've felt a pain stick and it was 10 times worse than that. It could have only lasted for an hour or so but at the end, I couldn't walk. The effect fades after a while but the memory doesn't. I have never been so scared of torture in my life. I mean, I'm trained to deal with it but this is different. Nothing can prepare you for this. It's like each nerve ending is being set on fire and then just before it goes numb, the pain stops there. Once feeling returns, it starts again. And it happens at different times so that you are in constant pain."
"Where is this going?" demanded Jack, having heard enough already.
"He used this on her nearly everyday. It's a miracle she isn't dead. And I saw the Jaffa with her. Every chance they got they would hit her or kick her or... You saw the conditions she lived in sir. She had to fight for food. The Goa'uld, he said that he was very fond of her, that she was part of an experiment he was doing to reduce a human to the most basic instincts."
"Why? I mean, if they didn't torture her for information, why? She's a lot more use to them if she can talk."
"He tried I think. But she wouldn't say anything. Though in the end she did tell him. But he said his Jaffa never came back."
"We did have those unauthorised activations. But why didn't he want the iris code?"
"Maybe he didn't know he needed one. As we don't know which one he was, we have no way of knowing. Or maybe Sam just wouldn't tell him and he tortured her for it."
"Why wouldn't she tell him? She knows that we change the codes when someone is MIA. Why not just give it up and save herself the pain?" demanded Jack.
"Colonel," interrupted Griffith, "it wouldn't have made any difference. He enjoyed it. For some sadistic reason he really enjoyed hurting her, much more than he did me. It seemed more of a duty to torture me but with her, he looked happy." The Major looked sick. Which was no surprise as they all felt it. The General was pale but he continued. Word was being sent to Jacob and he knew that his friend would be here as soon as he was told, important Tok'ra mission or not. However right now, Hammond had to know the extent of what he was dealing with. And what he would have to tell his best friend.
"Doctor?" Hammond was glad his voice was steady.
Janet had obviously been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and she kept sniffing. No one could blame her. Treating someone in that condition was bad enough. But when that person happened to be your best friend, things took on a whole new light. And when you had to tell Sam's family about it, she realised things didn't get any worse than this.
"She has numerous scars and cuts. There are whip marks on her back, some recent, within the last week, some old and healing though the last whipping re-opened some of them. Her wrists and ankles are infected, as are some of the cuts so I've put her on some strong antibiotics. Her feet are a mess. There's a lot of damage. She will have difficulty standing of some time yet though she will be able to eventually. Her right arm has been broken and set. She probably set it herself and without a split, it's set slightly wrong. We've re-broken and corrected it but we won't know how much damage was caused until she starts to move it. She had 2 broken ribs and 6 fractures. She's lucky neither of the breaks punctured her lung though I have my doubts about whether they did or not. She had minor internal bleeding and numerous stress fractures. The burns will heal but there will be scars. Should I go on?"
"No, that's okay Doc. We get the picture." Jack couldn't stomach any more.
"Erm, sir. There is one other thing. I'm going to have to keep her sedated until all of the tests have been complete, and after that, I'm going to have to recommend restraints."
"What?! No!" Daniel yelled, outraged. Jack and Teal'c looked shocked but Janet could see acceptance in Jack's eyes. He knew the score. And he knew what they were going to have to do over the next few months to bring Sam back to them.
"She's right, Daniel," he stated, staring at the table.
"No! Jack, this is Sam. We can't just tie her up."
"Daniel! She has been tortured for 5 years, probably non-stop. At the moment, she's not Sam. Not the Sam we know. You saw her. She was like an animal, she acts on instinct and all she sees is danger. Her instinct is to lash out to protect herself. So we have to protect her from herself and everyone else from her."
"But-"
"Daniel," Jack warned. Daniel recognised the tone and wisely shut up.
"What can we do?" asked the General. The question was on everyone's mind but some one had to ask it.
"Right now, nothing. But we'll have to start reintroducing her back to her life. Slowly. I think the first step will be getting her to trust and even remember so she won't fear people. That's going to be the hard part. And that's where SG-1 comes in. She is most likely to trust and remember you. So you need to stay with her, gain her trust. Jacob can help when he gets here. I won't lie to you: this is going to be hard. It will be a long time before she's back with us, if ever. She needs you."
"Agreed. SG-1 is on downtime until further notice. I'll have Major Carter transferred to a private room, and ensure there are some spare beds in case you need them."
"Thank-you sir," answered Jack for them all.
"Dismissed. And gentlemen, for God's sake bring her back."
Jack didn't want to enter the room. In fact, he'd rather go one-on-one with Sokar and his entire fleet. But he had to do this. He had to bring her back. Part of him still hoped he would walk in and she would be sitting up, smiling, asking what all the fuss was about and when they were planning on breaking her out, that the last 5 years had all been a nightmare and he was finally going to wake up. But he knew this was only the beginning. He'd been there, done the torture thing, got the T-shirt and scars to prove it. It wasn't pretty. And he'd only had to survive 4 months. He didn't think he could have survived longer, that anyone could. It seemed to deny and break the limits of the human mind and body. Maybe she wasn't even in there any more. Maybe the Sam Carter he knew and...loved was gone, and had been dead for years. But if he thought that way, she would never come back. And underestimating Sam Carter was a big mistake because she always proved you wrong, even if it was just because she could. She was like that. He had to believe she still was. And that would mean walking into that room.
Taking a deep breath, and putting all of the doubts and pain away into back of his mind, along with all of the other things people never saw, he straighten his shoulders. Time to face the music, he thought and walked into the room to see his friend.
Part 2.
Daniel was already sitting by Sam's bed and Teal'c was standing at the foot. Jack focused on Daniel and Teal'c. He couldn't bring himself to focus on the unconscious figure strapped to the bed just yet. He knew he would have to. Just not yet. Daniel looked sick. Jack wasn't surprised. You hear about Prisoners of War all the time in the military and Daniel has probably heard it all in his time at the SGC. But when you're faced with it in such a blunt and brutal fashion, it's hard. Very hard. Not much, if any innocence, was going to survive this. Teal'c looked like he was going to punch some one or something. Jack knew how he felt. He would like nothing more than to go back to that planet and beat the crap out of that Goa'uld. No one did this to his friends. Hell, no one did this to another human being. It was often hard to read Teal'c but not now. He was angry and fearful for his friend. He too had missed the old Sam. She was often the only one who would give him a straightforward and accurate answer to his questions (not Daniel's long winded ones or his less than accurate ones).
He had put it off long enough. Daniel looked at him, as if to say, "Well, why are you looking at us? She's the one that's hurt" Bracing himself, he turned his attention to the figure on the bed.
She looked awful. She had been changed into a hospital gown and covered with a blanket. But you still see the leather restraints. They had extra padding around the wrists and ankles to try to protect her injuries a little more. But Jack doubted that would help. She was going to be terrified when she woke up. And there was nothing they were going to be able to do. She didn't recognise them. To her they would be strangers who would want to hurt her. Why else restrain her if not to stop her from fighting back when they did? It wasn't that logical. Logic required reasoning. They didn't leave you with any of that. Jack knew. He'd been there, done that, got the Tshirt. He didn't remember much of it. Only the pain, humiliation, and fear. He remembered little of his recovery either. Though he did remember the restraints and fear that they provoked. You couldn't fight back. You didn't reason; you work on instinct. Only when some gets through to you for the first time do you start to reason a little. Even then, trusting is a hard thing to do again. It takes time. With him, it was 4 months before he started to reason, another 6 months before he went home and a further year before he was himself again (or almost at least). That was 2 years after 4 months as a POW. She'd been gone for 5 years. Chances were she wasn't in there any more. Jack knew this. But couldn't bring himself to admit the full consequences. Not just yet any way.
"Janet said she could wake up any time. The sedative wasn't very strong. She didn't need it. She was...weak. She said she'll be scared when she wakes up." Daniel rambled on, repeating what each of them already knew. But it helped him think he was doing something useful and being useful was very important to Daniel, so Jack just let him carry on and slowly moved over to her right side and gently placed his hand on top of her cast. Someone had cut a hole in the cast and put an IV in. His other hand, on it's own accord, wandered up to her face and brushed a lock of hair from her closed eyes. Her face was black and blue and swollen. There were cuts and bandages covered her head where her hair had once been.
Then he saw a flicker behind her eyes. She was waking up. He glanced quickly at Daniel and Teal'c to make sure they had seen it. They had. He turned back to Sam.
Her eyes opened. For a brief second he swore he saw the old Sam. Then the fear was there and he knew he had been dreaming. Her eyes went wide and he felt her jerk. She tried to pull away but the restraints held her firmly in place. That didn't stop her. She tugged at the restraints, pulling, and grunting, trying to break free.
"Hey, calm down. We're not going to hurt you Sam," said Daniel. It did no good.
"Hold her down," ordered Jack.
"What? Is that such a good idea?"
"She's hurting herself. Do it."
Teal'c grabbed her legs, Daniel her left side and Jack her right. She winced whenever they touched her but Jack had already seen the blood on her wrists and ankles where she had already reopened her wounds. Janet was going to kill them.
Jack gently reached up with one hand and touched her face. He wasn't sure what possessed him to do it. She let out a little gasp and tried to get as far away from him as possible, only to bump into Daniel and then try to get away from him too. In the end she lay in the middle of the bed, eyes quickly darting from Jack to Daniel to Teal'c and back.
"Teal'c, go get Doc Fraiser."
"Teal'c gently and slowly released her legs. For a moment it looked as if she were going to start fighting again, but Jack lightly placed his hand on her shoulder as a warning. She seemed to understand and shrink in to the bed. When Teal'c had gone, Daniel decided to reason with her.
"Sam, it's us. Don't you remember? We're SG-1. We've missed you. It's been a long time. We're so glad you're back. I-"
"Daniel she doesn't understand a word you're saying. She's not the same Sam."
"Colonel O'Neill is right," announced Janet from the door before quietly entering the room. Jack felt Sam tense as if to fight. This was breaking his heart. "She's not the same Sam. And it will be a long time before she's back to normal or as close to it as she'll ever get."
'If ever," she silently added. Jack glanced at her and read it in her eyes. She wasn't going to hold her breath. Hope, yes, but face facts at the same time.
"Damn," she whispered as she saw the blood.
"Yeah, sorry Doc. We tried but well..."
"I understand. But I'd rather not sedate her again. The blood work just came back. She has some unidentified chemicals in her blood. It could be dangerous."
"We can't leave her like this. She's in pain," argued Daniel.
"Okay. You three are going to have to give me a hand.
Jack sat staring in his cup of coffee in the corner of the commissary. He was in his own little world and it wasn't a nice place. He had just finished helping Doc Fraiser with Sam. And hoped never to relive the experience. She had fought them every last step. He would have admired her spirit, if he had thought it was anything to do with spirit. It wasn't. It was all to do with fear and terror. She was scared of everything and anything. So different from the Sam Carter he knew, who would face down a God if she had to and had done. She hadn't uttered a word since they had found her. Grunts, growls, screams; that was all. He missed her so much. He missed her voice explaining some techno babble that he didn't have a hope in Netu of understanding. He missed going to her lab and finding her asleep on the desk. He missed making her smile. He missed her. He would give anything to take back the last 5 years. Anything.
"Hey." Daniel sat opposite him followed b Teal'c. They both looked the worse for wear. "She's sleeping. One of Janet's nurses is going to be staying with her all the time. Janet thinks that it will help if she's around people as much as possible. We have an open invitation. We can take shifts sitting with her. Maybe she'll recognise one of us."
"Don't hold your breathe on that one Danny-boy." Jack muttered.
"Jack..." Daniel started. Jack knew what he was going to say before he said it so interrupted him and saved him the bother.
"I don't want to talk about it." Then he glanced and Daniel's face and decided to give a little more. "I...don't remember much of it. Or the recovery. But I was only...it...4 months not 5 years. Daniel this is going to be hard. I know of people who have been a POW of 1 year and never recovered. Sam's strong. But maybe not strong enough."
"She'll fight Jack. She always has. She'll come back to us."
"I hope your right."
"Jacob Cater has been contacted," said Teal'c.
"Yeah." Great, now he was going to have to face a really mad General and his snake.
Their last...conversation had ended up with split lips and black eyes. And a severe word from General Hammond who was not happy with them (putting it extremely mildly) starting a brawl in the commissary. At least they agreed on one thing: Jack should have looked after her better.
Jack stared at the door to Sam's room. They were taking shifts in sitting with her as Daniel had suggested. It was now his turn. He knew that the first time would be the hardest, though he doubted it would ever get any easier. Daniel had informed him she was asleep again. So all he had to do was sit there. He glanced at the report in his arms. He might as well get some work done. He opened the door and closed it behind him. There was a small light on in the corner. That was one thing Jack had insisted on. There should always be a light on. She had lived in a dark cell with just a dead corpse for company. She would relate the dark to that place. She needed to see things were different here, even if she was tied up. He grabbed a second chair to write on and set his things down. He tuned to look at her and jumped slightly when he saw a set of deep blue eyes looking back at him. He sat down and just looked at her.
He wasn't sure how long they stayed like this, just watching each other. He made no move to touch her or even move at all. She just stared back. After a while, Jack saw something else creep into her eyes.
Puzzlement. And curiosity.
Jack honestly thought he was going to cry. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life. It came and went within a couple of seconds but it was defiantly there. It didn't mean she was back or even close. But it gave him all the hope he could have dreamed of. Hope that one day she may be back with them. With him.
Part 3.
Jack downed another cup of coffee. It was probably not a good idea (he was wired enough he could get to Cimmeria on his own nervous caffeine fuelled energy) but hey, no one ever accused him of being smart. And fiddling with the cup was something to do; instead of snapping pencils, which he no longer had any left. They were expecting Jacob anytime soon. And Jack was not looking forward to this.
It had been a week since Sam had been returned home and probably one of the hardest in Jack's life. Every day he sat with her. And every day he heard her howls of fear whenever anyone went near her. He saw the constant fear in her eyes, on her face. And cursed the universe and every one and everything in it.
When the klaxons went off, he slowly rose to his feet and headed for the gate room. Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond were already waiting there. Hammond gave him a look that warned him to just keep quiet. Bracing himself, Jack watched as the figure of Jacob Carter stepped through the event horizon. The second Jacob hit the ramp, he demanded to see his daughter.
"Of course, Jacob, but first I think we should talk."
"No. I want to see Sam. Where is she?"
"Jacob-"
"Don't push me George. Where is she?"
"Okay. We'll talk on the way. There are a few things you need to know first."
Jacob marched out of the gate room with Hammond by his side without even sparing Jack a glance. Jack couldn't blame him. In his shoes he would have done exactly the same thing. After all it was his fault Sam was laying strapped to a bed at this moment in time. He followed behind with Daniel and Teal'c at a discrete distance, knowing he had to do this but really not wanting to.
The General forced Jacob to wait outside Sam's room, giving Jack the dubious pleasure of catching them up and therefore being around to take Jacobs punches when he threw them.
"Jacob...she's in a bad way. He had her for 5 years."
"You think I don't know how long it's been?" demanded Jacob, giving Jack a glare before turning his attention back to Hammond.
"You know that's not what I meant. Just, for God's sake brace yourself."
The General opened the door and allowed Jacob to get the first look at his daughter in over 5 years.
His knees nearly buckled and he had to grasp the doorframe to keep himself upright. He was unaware of Hammond supporting him from the other side. All he could see was his little girl, a whimpering bundle of skin and bones. The eyes what belonged to her mother were wide with such heart breaking fear.
"My Sam. My little baby girl," he whispered.
He started forward but she instantly tried to pull back against the restraints and a little sob of fear escaped her. Jack was instantly in front of Jacob, blocking his way. This was a common reaction when she saw any one 'new' to her or when anyone moved quickly around her.
"Get out of my way, Colonel."
"No. Calm down and take it slowly. You're scaring her."
Jacob, pushed Jack aside and Selmac decided to take that moment to put in an appearance.
It took one word and a flash of the eyes to stop Sam dead in the tracks. Surprised Jack turned to look at her but he soon realised the hope that she had had a breakthrough were shattered in an instant. She had stopped whimpering and struggling and had become dead still, her eyes glued on Jacob. She seemed to shrink away before their very eyes and started shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. But when Jacob took a step towards her and he lifted his hand and held it out to her, she sprang back in to life. When she realised she had nowhere left to go, she started to throw herself at the restraints, in a desperate attempt to escape and screaming for all she was worth. Though she was still weak, she was also petrified and the bed started to shake violently, causing Jacob to step back in shock.
"Damn it!" cursed Jack. "Get Doc Fraiser," he yelled to the ever present nurse who ran off as if the were a pack of wolves chasing her.
Jack reached out the try to calm Sam down, but as usual it was a useless gesture. He ended up, with the help of Daniel and Teal'c, having to pin her down to prevent her from hurting herself.
Hammond gently led his friend away from the room, and his daughter.
Jack marched down the corridor with a silent Janet Fraiser by his side. They were both in a foul mood. Jack was going to have some strong words with Jacob or Selmac (whichever was upfront first). Jack had stayed with Sam, while Janet had sedated her. Again. And while she had redone the half of the stretches in Sam's back. Again.
"What the hell do you think you were doing?" he demanded as he entered the briefing room (without knocking), where Daniel, Teal'c, general Hammond and Jacob were already sitting.
"Colonel," warned Hammond but at that moment in time Jack was really past caring. The image of Sam was still too fresh in his mind.
"No. I want to know what the hell that was."
"You must forgive me O'Neill," answered Selmac. "I am afraid we were not thinking clearly. I had to take over from Jacob. You must understand what Jacob felt when he saw Samantha like that."
"Yeah, Jack, just ease up a little will you?" put in Daniel.
"Humph," Jack replied. "Jacob in there?"
Jacob's eyes flashed as Selmac relinquished control.
"I'm here Jack."
Without Selmac's control, Jacob looked awful. He looked worse than when he had been dying of cancer. He looked ...old. There again, they all looked a hell of a lot older nowadays. Jack had never before realised how 1 person could be the fountain of youth for so many just by being who she was. Jack walked over to the table and sat opposite Jacob. A fight he could do, but what do you say to someone who has just been through hell.
"Look, I'm sorry I blew but-"
"I know."
For the first time in 5 years the 2 men accepted each other for who they were and what they meant to Sam. A silent truce passed between them. They're fighting no longer mattered. The only thing that mattered now was the unconscious woman lying strapped to a bed a few floors up. They had found her body, now they need to restore her mind.
Jack looked over to the General, who nodded, indicating that he had told Jacob all they knew. Jack nearly sighed with relief. There was no way he wanted to hear that particular story ever again. Once was 1 time too many.
"Will she...be okay?" asked Jacob.
"We hope so. But honestly we have no idea. We're not really sure what exactly happened to her," explained Janet. "She had been through hell. Physically, we have good hopes for her recovery, if we can keep her for continuing to hurt herself. Emotionally and mentally. I really don't know. Some people survive an experience like this. Some never recover. And those that do never completely get over it. At the moment she is scared of everything. She sees everything and everyone as a danger to her person. It's more than likely this is what saved her. She has reverted to a basic state where there is only her survival to think about. She has lived like this for 5 years. She doesn't know any other way."
"What can we ...I do?"
"If you could say around, it may help."
"Wait," said Daniel and he held up his hand as if to ask a question in class. "Sam can sense Goa'ulds right? Well, why did she react so badly to Jacob? No offence but she doesn't react like that to Teal'c. I mean..."
"I think I know what you are talking about Daniel. I think it's probably to do with the fact that it was mainly a Goa'uld and not Jaffa that tortured her. When she realised what Jacob was...she panicked."
"I guess."
"So you're saying my own daughter is petrified of me?"
Janet stared at her hands, not wanting to answer the question.
Jacob looked like he was going to break and for the first time in his life cursed Selmac. Selmac however understood and grieved for her friend.
"General Carter, Sam may be afraid of you at the moment but she will need you. In fact I was hoping you could help me now."
Jacob looked up at the Doctor.
"Anything."
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Jack for the fifth time.
Before him stood Jacob, leaning over his daughter's body. In his hand he held the healing device.
"We have an advantage here. In similar cases patients have had to be sedated sometimes for months in order to let their injuries heal. We can prevent that."
"I know but..."
"Would you prefer me to sedate Sam for the next 2 months? I will have to if she keeps pulling the stitches. Her wrists and ankles are not healing as she keeps damaging them again."
"Okay, I understand but what if she wakes up?"
"She's heavily sedated sir. She should be under for at least the next 4 hours."
"Ready?" asked Jacob. When everyone nodded, Jacob closed his eyes, concentrated and activated the healing device.
Anything Gouldish always gave Jack the creeps, even useful things like the healing device and sarcophagus'. Probably it was Gouldish and they always seem to have a huge down side. Take the sarcophagus: yes it could bring you back from the dead and all that, but use too many times and you turn psycho. But given the upside of this, Jack realised it was the best thing to do. He couldn't bear to have Sam sedated for that long. He knew what it was like. Still, he didn't have to like the method.
It took Jacob 15 minutes to heal Sam, and at the end he was exhausted.
"I've done as much as I can. She should be all right but she must have been in so much pain. You can take the case of now, Doctor Fraiser, but..."
"Keep the padded restraints," finished Janet. "Now I am ordering you to go and get soon rest." And with that moved away to see to her patient.
Jacob looked like he was going to refuse and go back to his daughter.
"I wouldn't if I were you," said Jack. "She has some big needles."
"Really big, and she doesn't mind using them on any one who gets in her way."
"General or not."
Jacob looked at the 2 in front of them and decided to take their advice. He had no doubt in his mind that the feisty little Doctor would do exactly what the 2 men described.
"If she..."
"We're staying. We'll let you know."
"Thanks, Jack. I'm going to..."
"Yeah."
Jacob wandered off and Jack ordered an SF to make sure the General got to one of the VIP rooms. Then he turned his attention back to Sam. The cuts had gone, and Janet was cutting the cast off. The bruises and welts on her wrists and ankles had faded but Jack had a feeling that they may soon be back. The burns were also gone but she was still so pale and her hair was stubby, unevenly 'cut' and only half an inch long at most. She still looked too small and delicate. Not at all like the woman he once knew who would have decked him if he called her delicate.
Janet and one of her nurses replaced the restraints. They had healed her body. But no one expected the next part to be even half as easy.
"Okay, so that approach doesn't work either," stated Janet as she exited Sam's room and bumped in to SG-1.
They just stared at her. It wasn't every day you saw Janet Fraiser looking like she had a food fight with a squad of Marines and lost. She had food strains all over her lab coat and Jack swore he saw bits of food in her hair.
"You...er...do realise that you're supposed in eat it...don't you?" asked Jack.
"Yes Colonel. Thank-you. And here I was wandering where I was going wrong all this time."
Jack just stared at her. She must be in a very bad mood if she was answering him back. They had all grown closer in the past 5 years but she always seemed very aware of ranks. Female officers tended to be so in the military. It was a matter of survival. So she must be really pissed.
"Er what happened?"
"Sam. Up to now we've been feeding her intravenously. I decided to try solid food. I can say that the experiment has been a failure so far."
"Isn't it a bit soon?"
"Colonel, it's been nearly 3 weeks. The human body, if sedated, can be kept indefinitely on an IV. But Sam is not sedated. She is using up more energy than we can give her. She needs to eat. She, however, disagrees."
"Yeah, so we can see. Anyway," Jack hurried on, not likely the death glare the Doctor was currently aiming in his direction. "We're not busy at the moment. Do you want some help?"
Sure, but first I need to change."
"Okay, so we've tried most foods and none of them work. When her arms are released she throws the food and tries to escape. She just spits out food when we give it to her. I'm running out of ideas. I don't want to have to..."
Jack nodded and tried to think.
"To what?" asked Daniel, confused.
"Force feed her."
"I though you had already tried that, Doctor Fraiser."
"No, Teal'c. Forcing feeding means pulling a tube down Sam's throat and into her stomach, then passing food down the tube."
"Would that be uncomfortable?"
"Yes, every and pretty traumatic too but it may be our only choise. I really don't want to but..."
"There has to be another way. Okay," started Daniel. "When she was...you know, Griffith said they made her fight for her food. Maybe that's why she keeps looking at us suspiciously."
"Daniel?" asked Jack, lost.
"Well, what would you think if, after having to fight for food for the past 5 years, someone suddenly started giving it to you for free?"
"You would think that here something wrong with it and fight it. Of course. She sees danger everywhere, why not in the food?"
"It has been known for Goa'ulds to either put poisons in prisoners foods or make them pay for the food they receive," stated Teal'c.
"Make them pay?" asked Daniel.
"Offering them food if they do as the Goa'uld tells them. It is often not a pleasant thing."
"I know I don't want to ask but like what?"
"I have seen prisoners forced to stand on hot coals in order to receive food, or been beaten after each mouthful of food."
Silence filled Janet's office as the 4 friends absorbed this and again realised what their friend had gone through.
"Okay, but we can't make her fight for her food. Can we?"
"No. We don't want her to associate the prison with here. If we did that," answered Janet, "we would just be doing what he did and she would never recover. We have to make things as completely different as possible."
"I have an idea," announced Jack suddenly. "Meet me in Sam's room in 5 minutes."
When Jack arrived, everyone else was already there. They stayed near the walls, away from Sam, and she lay tensed, watching them. Jack put his master plan into action. He passed the bag he was carrying around the group and instructed each one to take a handful. Janet was first and a huge smile crossed her face when she realised his plan.
"Chocolate."
"Chocolate?" echoed Daniel.
"Sure. Don't you remember how Sam is a chocoholic? She would do anything for the stuff," replied Jack. "Let's see if she still will."
Slowly he moved over to the chair beside the bed. Sam pulled back slightly but she was getting used to Janet and SG-1. As long as no one touched her, came too close or moved to fast, she was generally okay. She winced and pulled back when Jack opened the wrapper. The noise was foreign to her. He took a bit of the chocolate, chewing slowly. The others followed his lead. Jack made sure his eyes never left Sam's. If she looked at anything other then one of them or the chocolate, he would make a small movement and her attention would be straight back on him. He swore she was going to give herself whiplash if she wasn't careful. He finished of the chocolate he had, and opened 2 more and completely removed the wrappers. He took a bite out of each, then slowly moved his hand and held one out to Sam for her too smell. She pulled back. Jack's heart sank, but he reminded himself to be patient and held the chocolate where it was. After 5 minutes, he was about to give up when she slowly moved towards him. It was only a small movement but it was enough to send his heart soaring. Her eyes never left his. Carefully he took another bit of his chocolate. He knew she could smell it, The old Sam would have jumped sky scrapers for chocolate and the rest of the team always made sure they carried some just in case. The last time Jack had broken 1 of her doohickeys, she had just spent 18 hours solid on it, chocolate was the only thing that saved his life (and her from a court martial).
Cautiously Jack put his chocolate down and released her arm. He knew it was a risk. Most of the medical staff had cuts and scratches from their run-ins with Sam. He had his own share. But he needed her to take this step by herself. Forcing her would do no good. The moment her arm was free she pulled it away as if to hid it in case they changed their minds. Jack picked up his chocolate again and took another bite. Behind him the others chewed on their own bars, making sure that their movements were slow and deliberate.
Again another 5 minutes past and Jack's arm was starting to ache. Then he noticed that Sam's eyes kept flicking from his to the bar in his hand. Her hand was twitching and she shifted a little closer to Jack, something she had not done in the past 3 weeks. She really wanted to reach out but as still too scared. So Jack held the bar out to her.
Another 5 minutes pasted. The only sounds were those of eating with the occasion sound of a wrapper begin opened. Jack started to pray she took the bar because his arm was really aching and he was starting to feel sick. He had only just eaten his lunch but kept slowly eating.
Suddenly the bar was gone from his hand. He blinked in shock as Sam devoured the entire bar in a matter of seconds. Then she moved back again and her eyes fixed onto his face, full of fear at what they were going to do to her. To her shock, Jack smiled, unwrapped another bar, took a bit and then held it out to her. Jack saw the flicker of shock and surprise on her face before she hid it behind a mask of fear and wariness.
Again he waited 5 minutes before she showed any interest. It was another 5 minutes before the bar disappeared. He repeated the process and held out the bar for her. But he was beginning to feel seriously sick and stopped eating. The second Sam noticed he wasn't eating she pulled right back and her hand moved slowly down to the restraint holding her other arm. Janet quietly moved and placed a hand on the restraint preventing her for undoing it if she could (though in her present state, she was more likely to scratch at her arm in an attempt to free herself; she could not yet think to undo the clasp). Sam jerked back and it cost them another 5 minutes on top of the past ten before she snatched and devoured the chocolate. Jack was tempted to try for a 4th but SG-1 and Janet were all looking a little green around the gills.
It took a fight for them to secure her arm again but it needed to be done. They all hated it but the last time they had left her she had scratched at her other arm and ankles until they bled before someone had stopped and restrained her again.
Silently they left the room and moved down the corridor before they burst into laughter and not a little groaning. That was how General Hammond found them 5 minutes later.
"General, hi." Said Daniel between hiccups.
"Colonel?" he asked. Getting no reply, he turned to Janet but he got no more luck there. "Teal'c?"
"We succeeded in making Major Carter eat."
"That's great news," replied the General.
"Yeah, I think I'm going to do sick," announced Daniel before he raced off down the corridor, followed shortly after by a slightly green Colonel and Doctor, leaving Teal'c to explain what had happened and that he had not eaten lunch like the rest.
Part 4.
Daniel tiptoed into the infirmary, glancing around. He was looking for Janet but couldn't find her. She was here somewhere; she hadn't signed out. He headed for her office, keeping quiet as to not wake the other patients. Some not-so-friendly natives had ambushed SG-6. Daniel knocked quietly on the door. The lamp was on but he got no answer. Curious he opened the door and found Janet fast asleep at her desk, her head resting on her folded arms on her desk. Smiling he moved over to her. He didn't want to wake her but he knew from personal experience that in that position, she was going to be very uncomfortable when she woke up. He gently shook her shoulder.
"Doctor Fraiser... Janet, wake up."
"What is it? Who's hurt?" Janet shot wide-awake and arrow straight in her chair. Daniel grinned at the reflex.
"No one. Calm down."
"What? I..." she looked completely confused.
"It's okay. No one's hurt. Sorry to wake you but you should be asleep in bed not here. Come on. I'll walk you."
"No, I still have some things to do. I guess I fell asleep," she said, looking around.
"No, now. You keep telling us to get proper rest. Now more than ever."
Janet smiled and followed Daniel.
As they walked past Sam's room, out of habit they peered in. Sam was wide-awake and stared at them as they peered through the door. Jack was reading in the chair by the bed. He looked up and smiled at them as Daniel and Janet entered.
"Hi Sam," said Janet softly. Sam winced slightly but she was getting better. That's what they made themselves believe anyway. In reality, progress was slow and hard work. She still wasn't eating most things; she didn't talk, and still had to be kept in restraints. She still wasn't Sam.
Daniel looked at Jack hopefully, but Jack just shook his head. So, no more progress.
"How long have you been here?" he asked Jack.
"About 2, maybe 3 hours. Teal'c's gone to Kel-nor-reem. Thought I'd catch up on my reading. What are you 2 doing here?"
"Just passing. I'll get some rest and relieve you at 4a.m. That okay?" said Daniel.
"Sure. You look awful Doc."
"Thank-you Colonel. You looked in a mirror lately?"
They kept the banter up for a few minutes before Daniel and Janet left, leaving Jack alone again with Sam. The second they left the room, her eyes were back on him and he knew they would stay on him until he left. Someone always stayed with her. Maybe it was a mistake but they needed too. She slept occasionally when she got so tired she literally couldn't keep her eyes open. Or when the person with her, slept.
Jack sighed and leaned back in the chair watching her. She still winced and responded badly when people spoke to her for long. Janet said that the Goa'uld probably spend a lot of time threatening her. Teal'c confirmed that psychological, mental and emotional torture were common. So whenever they spoke to her, she heard the Goa'uld and panicked. But she had to listen to them some time.
"So Sam," he said softly. Her eyes were wary and scared but Jack decided he wouldn't let that stop him. "We've missed you here. Everyone. You've been back now a couple of months. Guess it's time someone filled you in on what's been going on around here. Er, where to start? Siler's missed you a lot. Says you used to solve all of the problems around here. He was right. The number of things that broke down around here..."
Sam was starting to get more agitated.
"Your lab is still in one piece. No one wanted to try to fill your boots so it stayed empty waiting for when you got back. Hammond tried to put someone else in there, but the SGC has labelled it as Sam's lab. No one ...well, it's just you. Maybe we can take a trip there when you get better. If there's anywhere on the base you remember, it should be there. You spent enough time in there."
Sam started pulling slightly at the restraints.
"Hey, calm down, I'm not going to hurt you. I knew you probably find that hard to believe but...you don't understand me at all do you?" Jack sighed when she began to whimper. "Okay, enough for one night. I get the message."
Jack stood and paced around the room a little, trying to loosen the muscles in his neck and shoulders and get the circulation back in his legs. A growl from his stomach reminded him he'd missed dinner. After a brief hunt though his pockets, he found a chocolate bar. 'God, I'm getting as bad as Sam used to be,' he thought, remembering how she used to carry sweets in her pockets in case she got hungry. He turned back to Sam and noticed she'd gone dead still, eyes glued to the bar in his hand.
"Looks like I'm not the only one to miss dinner," he muttered and broke it in half. He studied her for a moment, before moving to her side and undoing the restraint. She snatched her arm away the second it was free. Jack smiled and held out the chocolate for her. Slowly she inched closer and closer. She slowly reached out. Then she moved. The movement was lightening fast. One moment Jack was holding the bar out for her. The next, he was on the floor unconscious thanks to Sam's well-placed fist and his head coming into contact with the wall. Quickly she started pulling at the strap on her right wrist. She may be scared but somewhere deep down, she was still Samantha Carter and it took her 2 minutes to figure out the restraint. From there she moved onto her ankle restraints. Once free, she jumped off the bed and ran for the door. She paused halfway, and then raced back to where Jack was lying and grabbed the chocolate. Then she looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. Crouching she cautiously raised a hand and touched his face, gently tracing his features with her fingers, memorising everything. A vague memory stirred somewhere deep inside. Sam frowned, confused. She touched the cut on the side of his head where he'd hit the chair arm on the way down. Carefully she bent down and touched her lips to his temple. Then she got up and ran.
The first thing Jack saw when he opened his eyes was the ceiling. Groaning, he rolled over and pulled himself to his knees. From there he could see that the bed was empty. Cursing, he stood and stumbled over to the phone.
"Security, Major Carter has...escaped. I want everybody on base looking for her. I want to know the second she's found. Do nothing, I repeat, do nothing when she's found, just find me."
Slamming the phone down, he dialled the number for Daniel's room. After explaining to him, he phoned Janet, Teal'c and the General. Within minutes, the entire base was on alert.
Sam ran.
'Long corridors.
Cold.
Must run. Hide.
Scared.
Food. Must eat before taken away.'
Sam stuffed the chocolate into her mouth as she ran.
' Noise.
Someone coming.
Hide.'
Sam hid behind the first door she found. It was a medical storeroom.
'Dark.
Cold.'
As her eyes adapted to the dark room, she rummaged among the shelves. She nearly cried when her hand came into contact with a medical scalpel. She grabbed a couple and pulled them out of their airtight plastic bags.
'Knife.
Weapon.
People gone.
Must get out.
Must escape.'
Sam ran again. Then the PA started.
'Found out.
Must escape.'
She ran faster. Then she skidded around a corner and came face to face with two armed MPs.
"Freeze!" they ordered.
'Caught.
Must run.
Must hide.'
Sam started to run back the way she had come but found it blocked by 2 more MPs. She turned right and saw it was a dead end.
'Trapped.
Must fight.
Won't go back.
Must survive.'
Sam was backed into the dead end, her bare feet silent on the concrete floor. The MPs approached; their weapons aimed at her despite the fact they couldn't shoot. Sam didn't know that. "Get Colonel O'Neill," one said and other ran off. She backed up until she was in the corner. Then she crouched down and made herself as small a target as possible and watched them, holding a scalpel in each hand. She was more than prepared to use them in anyway to protect herself.
"Colonel O'Neill, General Hammond, sirs!"
Jack spun around as the young MP ran down the corridor towards him. He'd just finished explaining to the General, Janet, Daniel and Teal'c what had happened and why he had one hell of a black eye.
"We've found her sir," he panted.
"Where?"
"This way sir."
The MP turned and ran back the way he had come, now followed by SG-1, the General and Janet.
Jack cursed when he saw her. Her eyes were wild and fearful. He could see her hands shaking and her whole body was trembling.
"Damn," whispered Daniel when he saw the scalpels in her hands. "How...?"
"I don't know but we have to get them from her," answered Janet. "And quickly before she hurts someone else or herself."
General Hammond turned to Teal'c who was carrying a Zat.
"No sir," said Jack before the General could say anything. "Please, let me try before you shoot her."
Hammond considered Jack carefully. His 2IC rarely pleaded but that was exactly what he was doing now. He nodded but then ordered Teal'c to get in a position where he could shoot if necessary.
"Jack, she's still not Sam. Be careful," said Daniel.
"Aren't I always?" he muttered as he stepped into Sam's line of view.
'The man.
Kind.
Is he?'
Jack bent down in front of Sam, just out of her reach. She watched him, her eyes occasionally flickering to the MPs behind him. He sat watching her for a minute.
'Bad?
Good?
Friend?
Enemy?'
Sam lowered the knives slightly, confused. Jack just sat watching her. Sam frowned.
'Why not hurting me?
Must escape.
...
Don't want hurt him again.'
"Hi," Jack said softly. "You are in there aren't you? No teckno-babble but I'd know that left-hook anywhere. Thank God it wasn't your right." He smiled. Sam's eyes narrowed suspiciously and the scalpels came back up. Jack realised this could take a while. Then he noticed the chocolate around her mouth and nearly laughed. She was Sam all right. But it gave him an idea.
"Daniel, see if you can get me some food, would ya? Anything will do but some of Sam's old favourites would be great," he called out as quietly as he could and still be heard. He heard footsteps hurrying away and sat back to wait for Daniel.
'Don't understand.
Waiting for something!
Trap!
Must escape!'
Sam moved forward a little, ready to spring. Suddenly 4 guns and a Zat were aimed at her again. She shrank back, sacred and started shivering.
"It's okay. Lower the weapons. She's not going to do anything, are you Sam? We'll just sit here for a while, till Danny gets back."
The weapons were lowered.
'Must run.
Scared.
He powerful.
Cold.
He stop them shot.'
Jack studied her. She was shivering. He wasn't surprised. The base wasn't exactly a cold place but when you were sitting on the floor in thin flimsy infirmary pyjamas, you were bound to get a little chilly. Jack slowly and deliberately slipped off his shirt and slid it across the floor. It came to rest at her feet. Then he scooted back until he was at least 3 arm lengths away.
'Cold.
Risk?'
Sam frowned, trying to decide what to do. Eventually the shivering decided it. Keeping her eyes on her captors she quickly pulled the shirt around her shoulders with one hand.
'Warm.
Nice smell.
Friend?'
Jack smiled. Then Daniel came back.
"Jack, I've got as much as I could," and he wasn't joking. Jack doubted he could have carried anymore if he'd tried.
"Okay, you're going to have to help me with this. I'm going to move forward and I want you to pass it to me. Get into a line behind me."
"We may have to test the food, show her it's okay," said Janet.
"Okay, we can take it in turns."
Daniel and Janet knelt down behind Jack and moved clearly into Sam's line of sight.
'Trap.
Trick.
Bad.'
Jack saw Sam's eyes narrow and she became even smaller against the wall, as if, if she were small enough, they would just forget about her and leave. The flashes of fear that crossed her face hurt Jack. Janet passed Jack the plastic cup of water, from which he took a sip before putting it on the floor. Then he started to inch it across the floor to Sam. Sam backed up as much as possible. Jack stopped and left it well within her each. He repeated this, with one of them sampling the food before giving it to her. Soon there was a small pile of food, near Sam's feet. At Jack's signal, they carefully backed away, staying in sight but about 4 arm lengths away.
'Food.
Hungry.
Trap.
Hungry.
Lots of food.
Trapped.
Must eat.'
Her hunger quickly became stronger than her immediate fear. Carefully she put one of the scalpels down and reached for the food. The instant her hand closed over the muffin, it went to her mouth and was gone in a matter of seconds. She even tried to eat the paper case but put it aside in favour of a second muffin, then an apple, a tuna sandwich, a pack of cookies (opened for her when Janet took one), a second apple and finally 3 chocolate bars and a pack of M&M's. She swallowed the cup of water in 2 gulps. When the food was finished, she picked up the scalpel again, but allowed Jack to move in closer.
"I don't think we need the gun's any more General. Have them clear the way back to her room and Janet can you get rid of those damn restraints now?"
"I'm not sure that's a good idea sir."
"You can put guards on the door if you like but she won't be tied up again. Trust me."
"It's done Jack," said the General. Hammond wasn't sure how but Jack had the situation under control. Sam trusted him, to an extent, which meant he was their best hope at the moment to diffuse the situation further and get the knives away from her.
"Teal'c, put the Zat down. Keep it on you just in case but hide it. Danny, Doc, come out but keep back and keep your hands in plain view. You too General." Jack kept his eyes on Sam as he issued his orders and dismissed the MPs so they could clear the corridors. Now was the hard part. Sam watched with scared but curious eyes.
'Planning something.
Going to hurt me again.
Pain.
Must escape.
Nowhere to go.'
Jack rose and moved towards her. Sam whimpered in the back of her throat. Jack bent down next to her. She moved so that she held the knives between them, but she was shaking so badly, she was more likely to cut herself than him. If they had been mean and cruel and hurt her, she could have handled it. She would have known what to do. But this...she didn't know what was going on. They should have zatted her, hit her, kicked her, anything. Not given her food. Not been nice and ...kind. They were going to take it all away from her. She knew it. She'd fallen for this one before. And it would hurt even more when they took it all.
Sam thrust the knives forward in a last attempt, but Jack was quicker. He grabbed her wrists and held them tight while Daniel came forward and took the scalpels off her. She whimpered and tied to hold on to them and pull away from Jack, but they were stronger and they soon took them from her. She pulled away from Jack but he held on.
'Was wrong.
Going to be hurt.
Scared.
Hide.
Do not want to hurt no more.'
Jack spoke to her softly.
"It's okay. We're not going to hurt you." Sam whimpered, her body shaking silently with sobs as tears started to slide down her cheeks. She turned her face away from him, into her shoulder and hid as best she could. "I promise you Sam. No more pain. You've done nothing wrong but be afraid. I won't let anything hurt you or scare you again." Jack sighed. "But you don't understand a word I'm saying do you?"
"You have to be patient sir," said Janet quietly. "She...she's not Sam at the moment. But she will be. We need to get her back."
"We can't restraint her again. She'll think its punishment," said Daniel.
"We can put her in one of the old isolation rooms. There, we can keep an eye on her, guards at the door, but still let her have some privacy and freedom," suggested Janet.
General Hammond nodded and ordered Janet to go and get a room ready. She ran off just as Sam peeked out to see what was going on. She would usually have been punished by now. Was this another trick? She hid again before anyone saw her, but the tears had stopped. Jack talked to her quietly for a few minutes. Then Janet came running back, having arranged for the room to be ready.
"Where?"
"Level 26, room 16."
"So, we need to go in the elevator. Damn," muttered Jack.
He tugged Sam's wrists gently but automatically she pulled back, trying to hide.
"She thinks you're going to hurt her."
"Thanks Daniel. I'd guessed that."
He moved so both of her wrists were held in one hand and reached over to take her chin in his hand. She moved fast and bit him.
"Ow! Damn, she's got sharp teeth," cursed Jack as his sucked his hand. "She drew blood," he stated not sure whether he should be proud or not. "At least she still has some fight in her," he said deciding to go for the proud.
He took a wrist in each hand again and rose to his feet. Sam continued to try to pull away with no success. After a bit of tugging, Jack managed to pull her to her feet. Sort of. She was crouching down as far as she could without sitting on the floor. Jack looked over at Janet and Daniel, lost as to what do next as everything he had tried so far hadn't worked exactly as he'd planned. Janet smiled, came forward and took one wrist from Jack. Sam looked up for a second confused before looking down again, effectively hiding her face.
"Come on, Sam. We're not going to hurt you," said Janet soothingly, as she slide her other hand around Sam's upper arm and motioned for Jack to do the same, which he did without a word. With gentle patient movements, they pulled her up so she was standing straight. (Or as straight as they were going to get her. Sam's need to bolt or/and flinch away was too strong.) Sam looked at Jack, then Janet, and back to Jack. He saw the defeat in her eyes, accompanied by a deep sadness, which made Jack want to take her in her arms and make it all go away. But he couldn't.
Daniel walked slightly ahead with Teal'c and General Hammond behind. They all muttered occasionally to Sam to sooth her but she winced and flinched at every noise and movement. But they got her to the elevator. When they reached it the problems really started.
The second the doors opened and Sam saw the confined space, she freaked out. She started screaming, pulling, and wriggling. When she realised that they weren't going to let her go, she started biting, kicking and head-butting.
"Jesus!" cursed Daniel as she kicked him in the stomach. Using reflexes he didn't even know he had, he grabbed her leg and held on as if his life depended on it. After a few attempts, Teal'c managed to get hold of her other leg, while General Hammond rushed round and took hold of her head. Between the 5 of them, they carried her in to the lift. Jack hit the button with his elbow, grunting as he did. Sam's eyes were wild and constantly searching the lift for a way out, and the sounds coming out of her mouth weren't quite human. As soon as the doors opened and they were out, she went limp. Her eyes flicked between the people holding her and the open lift. When the doors closed, her eyes closed in relief.
"Guess she doesn't like confined spaces," said Daniel as he watched Sam's eyes spring open at his words.
"Ya think? You can put her legs down now."
"Jack, are you sure? I mean she..."
"I don't think she'll do that again. Besides we haven't got far to go now."
At General Hammond's nod, Daniel and Teal'c released her legs and she hurried to get them back under her. The rest of the trip was the same as the first part, which was basically them pulling a whimpering Sam along.
As they neared the room, Teal'c and Daniel moved faster ahead to check everything was ready. All breakable, sharp or moveable objects had been removed. It wasn't perfect but it was the best they could do. Hopefully, there was nothing in there that Sam could use to hurt herself or someone else. Though, Jack thought as he started to feel the bruise growing on his cheekbone, she didn't need any object to hit someone. She may not be Sam exactly, but she could still pack a punch like the old Sam.
"Er, guys, one question. How are we going to get her in there?" asked Daniel as he appeared at the room's door as Jack, Janet and Sam arrived.
"How about the old fashion way of walking?" replied Jack. He walked straight into the room, forcing Janet and Sam to follow. Daniel and Teal'c moved to the doorway and stood by Hammond. Then slowly on Janet's count, they released Sam. At first she looked confused, then realised she was free and moved as far away from them as possible. Jack sighed, disappointed.
"Let's give her some time to settle in and get used to the room," suggested Janet. SG-1 and the General started to file out of the room but Jack couldn't help it. He took one last look at Sam. To his surprise she had moved closer and was watching him closely. He stood as still as he could as she inched closer, though he was itching to move. They were alone now. Jack pushed the door to, so she couldn't do a runner again, but she didn't seem to notice. Cautiously she reached up to his face and ran her fingers over his features, as she had done after she had hit him. They lingered slightly over the growing bruise but never put enough pressure on to hurt. She closed her eyes for a second, as if remembering before opening them and staring at him as if he were her world. Her hand stayed on his cheek for a moment as she stared. Then confusion poured into her eyes and she wrenched her hand away before bolting and hiding behind the bed.
Jack stood rooted to the spot, moved beyond words. She was still there, he realised. Hidden but Sam was still there behind the scared eyes and whimpering. Jack left the room with a genuine smile on his face. The first time in 5 years.
Part 5.
Sam was sitting on the bed in her quarters, in brand new jeans and a sweatshirt when SG-1 and Janet arrived. She sat with her back against the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest. She watched them with huge blue eyes, noting every movement but no longer flinching. Things had improved over the last month. After her attempted escape, she seemed to trust them a little more. Janet said that it was probably because the Goa'uld would have at the very least beaten her. When they didn't, she figured something was different and maybe better. Sam still hadn't spoken, and was skittish around anyone other than SG-1, Janet and the General. Jacob hadn't been back, but Hammond sent him updates every day. He said he would come back when Sam was better, when his presence wouldn't scare her. Jack knew it really hurt the ex-General to do so, but it was the best thing.
Today was the big day. They were going to take Sam out. It would be her first trip off the base. It had taken all of the General's influence to keep her at the SGC. Certain officials wanted her taken to an NID base where she could be studied like a lab rat. The argument they had put to the President, who in this case had the final say, was that it was the first chance they had to study prolonged Goa'uld torture techniques and the effect on the human mind and body. But as soon as the SGC heard, Jacob and Hammond went to see the President and cited all of Sam's contributions to the SGC (and the world, considering the number of times she'd saved it) and that she would have a better chance of recovering surrounded by her team and friends. The President had agreed, on one condition, much to the disappointment of the NID. But the condition was that when Sam felt well enough, she would be questioned on her experiences. Nobody liked this but they were not going to give her to the NID either. Part of Jack was glad that she didn't speak because when she did, she would have to relive the hell she'd been through. Jack knew what it was like. Why did people insist that forcing you to talk about it would make it better?
But today they were going to take her to see her house, then to the park.
Jack held out his hand. After a minute Sam took it and climbed off the bed. She was like a little child, unsure of everything and nave. She had burnt herself twice by picking up a hot cup before SG-1 started to check everything for temperature. She didn't seem to remember how to do simple things, like turn on a tap or light switch. They had been told it was a possibility among POW victims, as to survive, they could forget everything they were missing. Remembering what they had lost could drive them insane. So they forgot and reverted to a childlike state. But it was still embarrassing to have to teach Sam to do the most basic things, up to and including how to use a toilet. But she was learning. And the look on her face when she figured something out or got praised for learning something new showed that a little of the old Sam was still there.
"Hi Sam. How are you feeling today?" asked Janet, softly. As expected she didn't answer. But they still spoke to her. Sam was jittery in the lift but SG-1 calmed her down, though she still clung to Jack's hand. As they went through the sign out procedure, she looked around her in wonder. Janet smiled. It would be like seeing the world for the first time.
"Okay, let's do this," said Jack as they finished. Daniel moved to Sam's other side, with Teal'c behind and Janet in front, creating a protective cocoon around her. "Sam, are you ready?"
She just looked at him.
"I'll take that as a yes."
And Janet opened the door, giving Sam her first look at the outside world.
Her first instinct was to hide and she moved back to do so. But bumped into Teal'c, who smiled at her reassuringly. Gently Daniel and Jack pulled her out of the door.
Sam blinked. This was the first time she had really been outside in nearly 6 years.
Bright.
Wind.
Sun.
Air.
Open spaces.
She shrank back against Jack.
"Hey, honey. It's okay," said Janet. "You're still safe. We promise."
Sam looked unsure but let them move her away from the door. She kept looking back. Janet moved away a little and Daniel followed.
"I think she's a little agoraphobic," whispered Daniel.
"This was expected. She's been locked up for nearly 6 years, without even seeing the outside world. Most of the time, it probably didn't even occur to her that there was more beyond the door than a beating or the Goa'uld. And remember how she was when you found her. I'd say that this is a huge improvement."
Daniel nodded and moved to help Teal'c and Jack when Sam jumped at the sound of a car.
Getting her into Jack's truck was a test. She didn't want to go in and wouldn't let go of Jack, who didn't want anyone to drive his truck. But there was no way they could let Sam sit in the front seat. A little scare and she could grab the wheel and it would be disaster for them all. In the end, Jack allowed Teal'c to drive and Jack, Sam and Janet sat in the back, Sam sandwiched between them, with Daniel up front.
Daniel switched the radio on and chatted to Janet behind him. Sam had often relaxed to music in the past, and they were doing everything and anything to show her what had once been normal to her in the hope it could spark a memory. They'd had no luck yet, which was what today was about.
Sam spent the journey hunched over, staring at the floor. But occasionally Jack saw her peering out from under her shoulder length hair and long fringe to stare out of the window at the scenery rushing past. Then she would catch herself and looked at them guiltily, as if expecting to be punished before returning her gaze to the floor and repeating the process a minute later.
Jack sighed, partly hurt, but mostly amused. Half way through the journey, he's had enough. After she had returned her gaze to the floor, he gently took her chin in his hand and lifted her face. He or anyone else rarely touched her, as she usually backed away rapidly. But this time she had nowhere to go. Either she realised that or was relaxing more around them (Jack hoped the second but didn't think it was the right reason). She stared at him with huge wide eyes, fear and horror swirling in them. He smiled gently and just as uncertain as she was, turned her face towards the window and pointed to a bird. She looked between the bird and him. Then between the tree he pointed to and him. Neither realised that all noise in the car had ceased. They were all watching this interaction (even Teal'c though he had to divide his attention somewhat). Slowly Jack let go of her chin and continued to point out things through the window. Sam didn't notice and watched with hungry eyes at the things Jack showed her. Janet's grin nearly split her face apart when Sam actually leaned over Jack to get a better view. Jack never gave her time to realise what she was doing in case she withdrew again. Daniel hummed to the radio and Teal'c grinned to himself as he drove.
They pulled up outside Sam's house at 11a.m. SG-1 and Janet had kept it for her, watering the planets (or in Jacks case killing them) and paying the bills, in her absence. They just couldn't get rid of something so Sam. It seemed that if they sold it, they were admitting that Sam was gone for good. They were all glad they had kept it now. One day, she would return here to live. They had to believe that.
Although they had been allowed to take Sam off the base, there were rules and precautions. Sam was not allowed to be left alone, unwatched. And there were guards discretely placed everywhere including in a car in front of them and one behind. They stayed out of the way so they were not threatening. And Sam, in her current state, was unlikely to notice the careful observation. But if she tried to run, she wouldn't get far.
It took a lot less to get her out of the car than to get her into it. Standing on the sidewalk, Jack feared for a minute that she would bolt and all of the persuading and pleading (and promises of finally catching up on his paperwork) would be for nothing. But she stayed by Jack's side, and actually relaxed when SG-1 and Janet surrounded her. Carefully they walked her up the path and into the house. Earlier they had made sure the house was secure (i.e. removing Sam's personal gun and her kitchen knives) so after shutting and dead bolting the door, Janet and Daniel moved into the kitchen to make coffee, leaving Teal'c and Jack with Sam. Teal'c moved to the TV, switched it and started channel surfing, while Jack went to chessboard and started to set it up for a game.
Sam looked around confused. It seemed no one was watching her, an unusual experience after being watched nearly 24/7 for months. She thought about going for the door but instinctively knew she wouldn't get far. They would stop her. Janet and Daniel moved in to the living area with 5 mugs of coffee. They set them down and Daniel sat opposite Jack across the board preparing his first move while Janet leaned over the coffee table to rummage through the magazines before selecting one and sitting back to read it. They all just left her to do what she wanted. Though in reality, each was watching her closely in his or her own way. They had decided before hand that they would try leaving her to looked around alone and see what happened.
Sam stood there for about 10 minutes watching them. Jack was starting to think that this was a bad idea. Then she moved, just a little, towards the corridor leading to her bedroom. She stopped and watched them intently. They continued to 'ignore' her. She shuffled again and stopped and again. Slowly she made her way to the corridor. Quickly Teal'c pulled a remote out of his pocket and aimed it at the TV. It was tuned in and programmed to let them see through the small CCTV cameras they had installed and hidden.
Sam crept down the corridor to her room. She paused in the doorway before entering. She walked around, touching everything, trailing her fingertips over the desk. She picked up bottles of perfume and lotion, smelling them. She opened the draws, constantly shooting glances around, checking no one was going to stop her. When the drawers bored her, she moved to the shelves. There were books of all sorts but the writing made no sense to her. There was a frame with a picture in it. She jumped back, a scream locked in her throat. It was of the man with the glowing eyes who had been to see her in the room with the others. His eyes glowed so he must be bad. But he was looking at her as if he was good. His arm was around the image of her and she was showing her teeth, just as she'd seen others do. Sam frowned. Shaking her head, she travelled on and turned her attention to the bed, or more specifically to the quilt on it. She stroked the material tracing the pattern. Then urgently she started pulling at it, trying to get it off the bed. In the living room, Daniel and Jack started to move but Janet stopped them, curious. As soon as Sam got it off the bed she wrapped it around her, burying her face in it. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. It was light and airy. The bathroom looked clean and shiny. And there were pictures scattered around the room. Some of her with the bald man with the glowing eyes, and some of her with the people in the other room. She looked happy. Reaching out she picked up one of the pictures. There was a big tree behind them and there were lots of reds and golds. She had her arms around the big one and a young girl. The woman was missing but the other 2 men were there. And an animal. She was showing teeth again and her hair was shorter.
Sam felt a pain in her heart and tears in her eyes. She put it back and looked around again. There was a desk and a white box on it with a board attached to it. There were pretty pictures playing on the box. She crept closer, still clutching the quilt. The pictures kept changing.
After 15 minutes, she got bored. They were repeating. Yawning she moved back on to the bed and lat down, wrapped tightly in the quilt. She felt safe here.
"Should we just leave her?" asked Daniel.
"For a while. This is the first time I've seen her look so peaceful," said Janet, a little shocked. She honestly really hadn't expected this plan to work so well.
Jack was sitting back with a smile on his face.
"What?" asked Janet.
"What, what?"
"What?" Put in Daniel. Janet sighed. Sometimes she wondered if SG-1 tried to annoy her or whether it was just a talent. Jack took pity on her.
"We're getting our Sam back," he simply said. And no one else could have put it better.
Jack really didn't want to wake her but they had to eat and Cassie was meeting them at the park for a picnic so they should get moving. He gently shook her shoulder. Her eyes sprang open and stared at him. Then she realised where she was. She tightened her grip on the quit and pulled away.
"We have to go Sam. Cassie wants to see you." Jack picked up the photo she had been looking at before and pointed to Cassie. Sam looked at it, then him, then back at the picture. "Cassie," he repeated. "She's missed you. She can't wait to see you again."
They had all decided that it would hurt Cassie too much to see Sam like she had been. Now seemed like the right time but Sam still wasn't 100%. No one was sure how she would react to anything. She was completely unpredictable.
"Sam we have to go."
But when Jack tried to help her she moved away. She didn't want to leave, Jack realised. She felt safe here. Cursing he decided on another approach.
He moved and sat next to her on the bed.
"This is pretty," he said, stroking the quilt. "Is it yours? I had one when I was small. My mom's grandmother made it. I always felt safe when I had it. I bet you do to. No one should have to grow out of security blankets. They make us how we are." Jack realised he was rattling on but she seemed to calm down as he talked. Almost like she was listening. Jack wondered if she understood. He could hope.
He had been waffling away for 5 minutes before he noticed her eyes kept flicking to the bedside table and the photos on it. As fast as lightning, her hand flew out and grabbed one of them. She held it and studied it and him. The quilt was momentarily forgotten about and slid off her shoulders. She pointed to the image and looked at him, questioning.
"Yes, that's me. And Daniel and Teal'c. And that's Cassie and Janet, and Cassie's dog. We had a picnic then too. That's where we're going today in fact. Do you want to go see Cassie?"
Sam looked unsure and stared at the picture. Then she pointed to herself in the photo and then at her chest.
"Yes, that's you. A long time ago. Will you come with us?"
Jack held out his hand and stood. Sam put the picture on the bed and stood, pulling the quilt with her.
"Okay, you can take that too," Jack said laughing a little. "Come on."
It was a lot easier to get Sam into the car a second time. And the drive was uneventful. The park seemed to unnerve her a bit but with her quilt and SG-1 there she seemed okay.
They had chosen a spot by the lake under a large tree. They had been there a few times before so it seemed like the perfect spot. As long as Sam didn't try to take a swim. It was doubtful she could remember how to swim. Hammond would have their heads if they let her drowned. Cassie had arrived earlier to set up the picnic with her fiance, Dominic. As a young woman of 21, she had become a person they were all proud of, studying teaching and was deeply in love. And at the moment so nervous her hands shook. Dominic tried to clam her but was nervous himself. This woman was Cassie's second mom.
Sam obviously didn't like crowds. Not surprising when you considered the fact she had probably been on her own (with the exception of her captors) for 5 years, and even when she got back to the SGC she had never been in large groups. Luckily there weren't that many people in the park. Still, there were enough to make her nervous.
Jack held her right hand, Daniel her left. Again Teal'c stayed behind her to catch her if she ran. Carefully they lead her over to the picnic and Cassie. The young woman stood nervously.
"Sam, this is Cassie. Do you remember her? You nearly got yourself court-marshalled for her."
Sam just stared at Cassie.
"Hi. Um, I ...Mom said I should tell you what's been going on. I'm engaged. To Dominic. Do you remember him? He's the guy I kissed before I collapsed. We've been engaged for a year. I was hoping maybe you could be my Maid of Honour. When you're feeling better of course. I'm at university doing a teaching degree. Mom finally got me to do some work and I decided to help others as you've helped me. God, I've missed you so much," Cassie ended in a rush.
Sam stared, then reached up a hand touch Cassie's face. Tears sprang into the young woman's eyes.
"You...were so little."
SG-1 and Janet stared at Sam in shock. The voice had been little and weak but definitely there. Daniel started to speak but Janet pulled him to one side.
"She hasn't realised she did it," she said. Daniel nodded, understanding. If they left her, maybe she'd speak again. Maybe she would come back to them a little bit faster.
"Let's eat," announced Dominic.
Jack tried to eat but couldn't get the food past the lump in his throat that had been there ever since Sam uttered her first words to them in nearly 6 years. He had thought he was prepared but he hadn't even come close. He hadn't realised just how much he missed hearing her speak. At first he wasn't sure it had been her but everyone else looked just as shocked as he felt so it couldn't have been one of them. If only he could hear her laugh again or see her smile.
He watched her as causally as he could which he had to admit wasn't very discrete. So much for Black Ops training. She kept her eyes down. But every so often her curiosity would get the better of her and she would start staring at everything around her in absolute wonder until, to Jack's disappointment, she would seem to remember something, and return her eyes to the floor. She eat everything they put in front of her and glanced longingly at the rest until someone took pity and gave it to her. Jack was about to do just that when Janet stopped him.
"Let's see if she can do it herself," she whispered.
Everyone carried on the conversation around her. But she was still hungry. There was a piece of cake within reach that looked good but she dared not reach for it. They hadn't given it to her and she didn't want to risk angering them. What if this was a test? What if they were waiting for her to disobey them so they could take her back to the room with no light or windows and maybe the man with the glowing eyes again? But she was hungry.
When tears crept into Sam's eyes, Jack nearly gave her the cake and would have given her anything to stop the tears. She looked so lost, so unsure of what to do or what she could risk doing. But one look at Janet convinced him they were doing the right thing. Weren't they?
Then she decided to risk it. Her hand shot out and grabbed the cake, cramming it into her mouth as if since she had taken the risk, she was going to be sure it was worth it, and eat it before they could take it away from her and punish her. But they didn't. In fact they looked happy.
It took 5 minutes before she risked it again, this time grabbing a sandwich. Again no punishment.
By the time all of the food had vanished, Jack was the happiest he had ever been. Daniel had already phoned the General and pleaded for an extension. Surprisingly it was granted freely. Apparently the General had ordered hourly reports from the undercover guards. And had never been happier. He had given permission for them to take Sam back to her house and bring her back to the base later in the evening along with some of her personal belongings.
Sam was reluctant to leave the park and only Jack noticed her pulling up a few blades of grass and slipping them into her jean pocket as a reminder of the day before once again pulling her quilt around her.
Jack sat in the chair beside Sam's bed. She looked so peaceful as she slept, so relaxed. The room looked more like Sam's now. She hadn't let the quilt out of her sight once and they had filled the car with as many of her personal things as they could. Those things were now littered around the room, reflecting the Sam they had all once known and loved.
Thinking over the day Jack considered it a success. She had spoken her first words. Jack just wished she had said more. But she was no longer as wary around them as she had been. She had even let Cassie hug her good-bye. Though she had been reluctant to leave the house again, she had returned willingly to the base with little fuss.
Wandering around the room, he allowed his mind to wander. They had brought Sam's photos, some of her plants (the ones that Jack had not been able to kill off while she was gone), some books and some posters. One of the posters was a...space thing. Jack had no idea what it was but it was pretty. He stared examining it to try to find something to tell him what the hell he was looking at. He probably wouldn't understand it but hey, you never know.
"'Sa pulsar."
Jack froze at the small voice from behind him. He had to force himself not to spin around and scare her. He turned gently and moved towards her holding the picture. Carefully he sat on the bed beside her and handed her the poster. She looked at it, tears in her eyes. She ran her fingers lightly over the picture, as she had Jack's face, as if remembering. Then she took a photograph they had put beside her bed and held it up next to Jack's face. Jack couldn't have moved if Apophis, Sokar and their entire Jaffa armies had marched through the door. And he doubted he would have noticed if the General had decided to dance the hula, in complete costume, in front of him. All of his attention was on her. She was his world.
She studied the photo and then him, comparing them. Finally she looked at him with new reasoning in her eyes.
"Safe?" she whispered. The voice was quiet and scared but to Jack it sounded like a symphony.
"Yes, safe," he whispered back.
Tears streamed down her face. He didn't realised until she brought her hand to cup his face that his face was wet too.
A sob escaped her. Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms. But she didn't pull away this time. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed. Jack held her tight and buried his own face in her hair.
"Safe," he whispered as they held each other and helped each other ease the pain of the last 6 years. Safe together.
Part 6.
Jack whistles as he waltzed through the corridors of the SGC. Life was great again. Well, it had it's problems but didn't everything. Sam was back with them and that's all that mattered. There were good days and bad days but at the moment the good outweighed the bad. Jack just hoped it stayed that way.
He knocked on the General's door and entered at the called out command. He opened the door and stopped with one foot in the room, the other still at the entrance. Sitting in front of the General were 2 men in suits. Damn, he had hoped this day would never come. He hated the NID.
"The Men in Black. Where's Will Smith?"
"Colonel, please close the door," said the General.
Jack was tempted to close it with him on the corridor side but fought the impulse. He would need to hear what they said in order to protect Sam. She was just recovering. The last thing she needed was to have to relive everything she went through. Torture relived can be as bad as the first time. Jack knew this from personal experience.
"General..." started Jack.
"The terms of Major Carter's stay here clearly state that..." said one of the suits. Jack decided to called him Sparky the second.
"Yeah, I know. But General please, just give it a while. She's only just got herself back."
"We are not going to hurt her Colonel. We just need to know of her experiences so we can better learn how to train operatives to withstand Goa'uld torture methods."
Jack turned to stare at Sparky II. "Train operatives? Pur-lease! Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Colonel you seem to think this is open to discussion. The President has ordered this. You are here merely as a courtesy. We have already cordoned off part of your infirmary to complete the tests and Major Carter is being escorted there as we speak."
"What?" yelled Jack and the General.
"General..." said Jack
"Granted," replied Hammond to the unspoken request. Jack was out of the door and running for the lift before the word was finished. However he did hear the General draw breath. He almost felt sorry for the 2 NID agents. They were going to get the chewing out of their lives. Almost sorry for them.
Jack skid to a halt at the infirmary entrance. And could have kissed Janet Fraiser. She was obviously more than a little mad that half of her infirmary had been taken over. That was the NID's first mistake. Getting Doc Fraiser mad was a very bad idea. Their second mistake was taking Sam Carter and expecting no one to stand in their way. The little Doctor was standing in front of the Major, hands on her hips and her worst death glare in her eyes. Jack was scared and the glare wasn't aimed at him.
"Major Carter is going nowhere until the General comes down here and tells me himself and even then there is going to be either myself or a member of SG-1 present at all times."
Jack hid a grin and went to the Doctor's side. Sam was instantly behind him, her hand slipping into his. He gave it a little squeeze.
"It's okay Sam, we're here. I'm sorry you were left alone."
"If you do not move out of the way, we will remove the Major from this facility altogether. We can do that," said one of the agents in front of him. Sam shot the man a death glare.
"I'm not going anywhere with you," she spat at the man. Jack resisted the urge to cheer her on. Barely.
"The terms of the agreement state that..."
"I know what they say," said Jack and because he did he turned to Sam. He hated doing this but the NID agent was right: the President could give them permission to remove Sam to an NID lab where she could be studied. If they could keep her at the SGC, they could at least have some say over what happened to her.
"I need you to do something for me. I need you to talk to these people about what happened to you." Sam shook her head fiercely as Jack continued. "I'll be there, I promise. No one is going to hurt you again. The Goa'uld can't get you here but these people for some sick reason need to know what he did to you. For me."
Sam looked unsure but she had understood what they were talking about before and if she didn't agree they were going to take her away and force her to tell them. She decided it was better to do so willing with Jack and SG-1 to protect her, so nodded slowly.
The agents led them to the back of the infirmary. Sam clung to Jack. Part of him liked the fact she depended on him but the other part wanted the old Sam back, the one that they had seen more and more of over the last few weeks. She had become more confident and a lot less jumpy. If you spooked her, she still bolted but that happened a lot less frequently. He prayed that this didn't cause a relapse to the Sam of the last couple of years. There had been a day a couple of weeks ago when she didn't speak. Jack had been scared out of his mind. The next day she had just said she didn't want to. At least she was still as stubborn as before. If that was a good thing.
The agents sat behind the desk and started setting up tape and video recorders. Sam sat in front of the desk. There was no chair for Jack so Janet brought a couple in and they sat either side of their friend. Each held a hand and Sam seemed to relax a little.
Then the questions started.
Daniel and General Hammond paced the corridor outside while Teal'c sat quietly watching them. 2 NID agents stood guarding the doors.
"How long is this going to take?" muttered Daniel.
"I don't think that Major Carter should have to go through her torment again," stated Teal'c firmly.
"I agree son," sighed Hammond as he sat beside Teal'c. "But this was the only way we could convince the President to allow us to keep Sam here during her recovery. If we refused to agree to this one condition she would have been removed to a secure facility, probably an NID run base and we would have had no say over what they did to her. This way at least the Colonel and Doctor Fraiser are in there to help her."
"I don't understand what she could say that they could possibly use. They tortured her for god's sake. What can be useful about that?" exploded Daniel.
"They think they can use the information to train operatives to withstand the torture methods."
"They are wrong, General Hammond. The Goa'uld torture methods are such that there is no way to withstand them. They are designed to make the victim give up the information quickly or use for the Goa'uld's pleasure. There is no training that can prepare a victim for the pain."
"I agree. The Goa'ulds aren't bad guys because they steal candy from babies. They torture for pleasure. What does that say about them?" said Daniel.
"I agree. Convince the NID of that."
They all looked up as they heard screaming. They all immediately ran to the closed off area.
Sam was sitting in the corner her hands over her ears screaming. Jack and Janet were trying to calm her down but she wasn't taking any notice. She was staring at Sparky II who was currently leaning heavily against the desk holding a tissue to his nose to try to stem the blood flowing from it.
"She's crazy!" yelled the second agent as he helped Sparky II to stand up.
Jack looked at him with murder in his eyes.
"Let's get the Major out of here," suggested the General. "You!" he yelled at the NID agents. "My office now!"
He marched out, the NID reluctantly following him. When they had gone, Sam calmed down.
"It's okay, you're safe. It's over," soothed Jack. Sam went willingly into his arms. He rose, picking her up and laid her on a bed, all the time muttered soothing words to her. She obediently took the drink Janet gave her and was soon asleep.
"A mild sedative," explained Janet as they moved away to allow her to rest. "She'll be able to wake up on her own. It will just help her relax." She dropped exhausted into a chair. They were just outside the infirmary but could still see Sam and hear her. They would all be there if she needed them.
"What happened?" asked Daniel, not really wanting to know but they needed to.
"Sparky II pulled a damn stunt that's what happened."
"Sparky II?" asked Daniel.
"He reminds me of Samuels. He kept pushing Sam, asking questions she obviously didn't want to answer, making suggestions about her. Then he turned on one of those damn voice-mimicking devices and started talking Goa'uld and moving towards her. We were too busy worrying about this jerk that we forgot to watch Sam." Jack went quiet so Janet took over.
"She started screaming then attacked him. Of course we were too stunned to do anything. I think she broke his nose," said Janet giving into the temptation to laugh.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn," muttered Daniel.
"This is good."
"How so T?"
"This is something Major Carter would have liked to have done before this occurred. She would not have done so but by doing so she has shown she is able and willing to defend herself as she would have done so before."
"Teal'c's right. She's Sam." Daniel paused, then grinning. "I wish I could have seen the look on Sparky II face when she hit him."
"Actually she head butted him first, then hit him in the stomach and kicked his shins before they pushed her off him."
Jack stared at his coffee. He knew when Daniel and Teal'c entered the commissary but didn't turn or acknowledge them. They sat opposite him with their own drinks and waited. Soon the General and Janet joined them.
"He tortured her. Everyday I think. She doesn't know the times. He kept her in that dark room all the time. The other body was another prisoner. The Goa'uld killed him in front of her eyes to punish her for something. I don't know what. She couldn't say. He put the body in there to scare her. He used every tick in the book on her. Burns; that cattle prod thing was a favourite; acid; a knife with some sort of poison on it that made her sick; needles in the souls of the feet, back of the hands. That type of thing. I don't think he raped her. She didn't mention it. Said something about him just seeing her as a subject. He experimented on her. Used her to test that thing that Griffith told us about. She was his final test subject. It's attached to the back of the neck...well the Doc can describe it better."
"It sound like it stimulates the nerves, senses when they have had enough, lets them rest and starts again when they have recovered."
"He used this on her. Sounds like with the first Goa'uld he tortured for information. Iris codes, where teams where, stuff like that. The second one killed the first in a battle and took all his property and Jaffa. He asked for information but realized that she had been out of the loop for so long that it was useless so used her for fun." Jack forced himself to release his grip on his mug otherwise he'd break his fingers or the mug.
"We have her back now Jack. She's safe ad she knows it." Daniel tried to reassure his friend but he was still trying to process the horror his best friend, his surrogate sister, had gone through.
"Daniel's right. She can go on now. We need to help her," said Janet.
"I...got a message from Jacob," said the General cautiously. "He wants to see his daughter."
"Do you think she's ready for that?" asked Daniel.
"I don't know sir. And doubt we will until we try it."
"I'll talk to her sir," replied Jack. "Explain about the Tok'ra and Dad. It'll have to be her decision."
"Agreed. I'll call Jacob."
Jack sat beside Sam's bed, watching her as she slept. It was times like this when he realized just how much he had missed her. He knew he should get some sleep but every time he closed his eyes he saw her face as she remembered everything that monster had done to her. She looked so small and lost and yet so brave as she glanced at him and Janet to make sure they were still there so she could go on. It was torture for her but she did it because he had asked her to. He hated himself for it and if he ever saw Sparky II he was going to...
"Jack?"
Sam's voice pulled him out of his murderous thoughts.
"Hey," he greeted as he pushed her hair out of her eyes. She looked up, trustingly, at him. "How do you feel?"
"Okay. Are they gone?"
"Yeah, they won't be back either. Promise."
"Good." Sam propped herself up on her elbows and looked at him. "What's wrong?"
"How do you do that? No on else can do that," he muttered amazed. She could read him so well, a talent she had not forgotten. "The thing is," he started unsure how to do this, then deciding to just come out with it. "Your dad wants to come to see you."
'Okay, that definitely classifies as blurting it out,' thought Jack cursing himself as she backed away a little, shaking her head. She only remembered him as the man with the glowing eyes, something she related as bad.
"He's not here. But he does want to see you."
"Why? He's bad."
"No, he's not. He's not a Goa'uld; he's a Tok'ra. Look, this is how you explained it to me." Jack carried on to repeat the things she had told him of her experiences of the Tok'ra. "Like Jolinar," he ended. 4 days ago she had remembered Jolinar and the hell that came with that particular experience, forcing SG-1 to have to help her through it. Again. That had not been fun for anyone but Sam had come to terms with it remarkably quickly. Jack didn't know why that surprised him. She was Sam Carter after all.
"We'll be there. You can call all the shots. Say the word and you can leave. But he is Dad."
"Your Dad?"
"No, I just call him that because...I just do. Anyway, he really loves you Sam. Will you see him?"
"Do you think I should?"
"You have to make this decision yourself."
Sam watched him thoughtfully then nodded. "But you'll be there right?"
"You bet. And Daniel and Teal'c and Janet and General Hammond. But he won't hurt you. He couldn't."
"Okay."
Jacob paced the briefing room nervously. He couldn't wait to see his baby again. He had lived by the reports George had sent him ever since she had gone missing. But what if she was scared of him? He hadn't though anything could hurt him that much until he saw the absolute fear in his little girl's eyes. He knew he hadn't always been there for her but they had become a lot closer thanks partly to Selmac. But in that moment he had hated Selmac with all his being. He had apologized to his live-in companion afterwards and she had completely understood but still, he hadn't been able to help his daughter when she needed him most because of something he had done to save his life.
"Jacob, sit down, she'll be here soon. Don't worry," soothed Hammond.
"Selmac's saying the same thing. But how can I not worry? What if...?"
"She has come along so well over the last few months. She's strong. She'll survive and she's Sam. I saw her when you had cancer. She loves you too much to let you go." Hammond sighed as Jacob dropped into a seat facing the door. "Besides if Selmac is saying it too, at least one of us is normally right."
Jacob laughed at this. "That's what she says. You 2 should get together sometime."
At that moment the door opened and all of Sg-1 and Janet walked in. Jacob froze and stared at his daughter. She looked so much better than last time. Her hair had grown back and was styled. Sort of. And her eyes were a lot more alert. But still fearful.
"Sammie..." he whispered. She backed away.
Jacob couldn't stand it. He walked as quickly as possible to George's office, before collapsing into a chair and buried his face in his hands.
In the briefing room, the General sighed and started to go to his friend. But then saw Sam. She inched closer to the window until she could see her farther. And then watched him. After a few minutes of study she shot Jack a quick glance before visibly drawing courage and crept into the room.
Jacob was too consumed in his grief to notice. She crept to his side and crouched down beside him, trying to look at his face. But he still didn't notice. So she took a more direct approach.
"Dad..."
Jacob's head shot up, his face wet with tears. She studied him again, then reached up a hand and touched his face, running her fingers over the features as a blind person does to remember. Jacob couldn't speak or look away.
"Dad..." she said again. But this time it was because she remembered him. She was a little girl asking her dad to make the nightmare go away.
This time he couldn't hold back. He pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her neck. For a second she thought about pulling away, as she was still a bit wary of forced contact. But she found she couldn't move anymore than he could. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and buried her face into him.
"Dad," she sobbed.
"It's okay now. It's all right. I've got you. I'm here baby. Everything's going to be okay now. I promise."
Jack glanced sideways at Major Samantha Carter, as she stood beside him, ready to go through the gate. It had been 18 months since they had found her, the hardest months Jack had lived apart from the ones when she had been missing. But she had been declared fit for duty and was back on his team now, where she belonged.
She still had nightmares and the occasional flashback but then, didn't they all after everything they had been through? Other than a few things only those closest to her noticed she was back to normal. Well, as normal she ever was. She had been in her lab for a month, working on the fitness aspect of duty requirements. She was determined to get back to gate travel and when Sam was determined, there was nothing she couldn't do.
Jack had had a few bad moments. If she was back under his direct command there was no way they could be as free together as they had been before. They would have to go back to commander and 2IC. He couldn't hold her when she cried anymore and there was no chance of the further relationship he had dreamed about. But, after he got past his disappointment, he realized that this was the best thing. He didn't want to go through another day without her. He'd gone through 5 years worth without her and if she wasn't under his command he would have to go through more days without seeing her. And he couldn't do that. He needed her with him in anyway he could possibly get and if this was it for now, well, she was here and that's what mattered. Besides there was always tomorrow, of that he was going to make sure.
She grinned at him, when she saw him checking up on her again. SG-1 and Janet had made a habit of doing that until she called them on it. Unfortunately it looked as if her little speech hadn't done any good. Jack grinned back sheepishly when he realized he'd been caught, and Sam couldn't find it in her to berate him. Besides it probably wouldn't do anymore good than the last 4 times she had.
"SG-1 you have a go. And good luck," called out Hammond over the PA.
Jack shot off a sloppy salute as he followed Daniel and Teal'c up the ramp with Sam.
"So, you ready?"
"You bet sir."
She stopped just before the event horizon.
Yep, she was back.
And stepped through, eager to see the next planet.
The End.
Feedback is definitely wanted! There may be a sequel if I get enough requests. Luv, Kat. H
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Kat. H
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