***********************
My right hand holds matches
My left holds my past
I hope the wind catches
And burns it down fast
I'm gonna step into the fire
With my failures and my shame
And wave goodbye to yesterday
As I dance among the flames
Don't try to save me now
Let the walls of my world all burn down
Just stand back and wait til the smoke finally passes
And I will rise
From the ashes
From the ashes
From the ashes
For all that I'm losing
Much more will I gain
The hard part is choosing
To change what needs changed
My step will be much lighter
With these demons off my chest
I'm born a better spirit
And lay the old to rest
Don't try to save me now
Let the walls of my world all burn down
Just stand back and wait til the smoke finally passes
And I will rise
From the ashes
From the ashes
From the ashes
I'll walk away stronger
I will be flyin'
Higher and truer
Than I've flown before.
From the Ashes
Martina McBride
***********************
Joshua lay in the guesthouse of his father's mansion. The ordeal of One Taelon Avenue had just ended a few days before. Thankfully, they were both still alive. And they had finally . . . finally made a true peace. The words his father had said when he had held that gun on him had stayed with Joshua.
In the complex that night, Jonathan had watched in horror as the intelligence controlling the building had sent its energy toward Joshua . . . Jonathan had dove at his son, shoving him out of the way. Instinctively, Joshua had grabbed hold of his father, pulling him out of the way as well. Unfortunately, while the momentum knocked Jonathan clear, it still left Joshua in the path. It had approached . . . burning his back, his legs. He had screamed, had felt his father try to pull him out of the way, then suddenly the energy stopped . . . leaving Joshua in pain and breathing heavily, but thankfully still breathing.
The two had lain there for awhile, Jonathan cradling his son's head until Renee, Liam and the doctor reached them. Joshua could still smell the hint of singed flesh that had been in the air. And Joshua had seen something in his father's eyes that he didn't understand - guilt. How could his dad feel guilty about what had happened? There was no way possible that it could have been, plus, they both survived. They had later learned that the energy had stopped because Sandoval had pulled the plug, and blew up the core, cutting the power.
And Joshua found that, for the first time in his life, he was grateful to Sandoval. Grateful that Sandoval had stopped what had been beyond his own control and had saved his father's and his own life. Joshua was certain that Sandoval would be disgusted to learn that. It might be the only good thing Sandoval had ever done . . .
The pain in his back had reduced from a burning fire to the pain of a mild sunburn. The burns were still bandaged and were very uncomfortable. Joshua still felt the heavy burden of the events that had occurred during his stay at One Taelon Avenue, including the deaths . . . of which he bore some of the responsibility at the least. Talking to his father, and being free finally helped but they couldn't make up for the damage he had done. The media had been all over this story - trying to talk to both of them. Thankfully, his father had managed to keep all the reporters away from him. He couldn't handle that right now. His father had also insisted on getting him a bodyguard. And Joshua did suppose it would be foolish not to have one right now, but did he deserve the protection after what he'd done?
Joshua turned over to lay on his stomach, flipped on the television and sighed. His father had given him a job at Doors International - as the company lawyer. He was glad to be back to doing what he'd wanted to do all his life.
"Son?" The voice interrupted his thoughts. "Are you okay?"
Joshua glanced up, and shook his head, "I can't get them out of my mind. I'm responsible for their deaths . . . their blood is on my hands." It wasn't often that Joshua was so open with his feelings, but he couldn't help it. His grasp on sanity was as thin as a thread. Joshua buried his face in his arms.
Jonathan's face was pained. He knew he couldn't ease the burden his son was carrying. He'd been in similar circumstances before in his life and he had regrets. The only thing that could help was time.
Sitting down next to Joshua, he could hear muffled sobs. Reaching over, he rubbed his son's back soothingly. And when the sobs finally subsided, Jonathan spoke, "It's going to take time, but it will get better."
"I can't even sleep . . . I see their faces . . . And I did it to them . . ."
"The Taelons did it to them." Jonathan corrected firmly.
"But I helped them."
Jonathan couldn't respond. But for the first time since Joshua was a little kid, Jonathan sat next to his son until he drifted off to a sleep.
***********************
Joshua woke late the next morning. Glancing at his clock he realized that he had REALLY slept in this Monday morning. 11:00??? How'd that happen???
Sitting up, Joshua saw that his father was reading in the chair in the corner of the room. He smiled, touched by the concern his father had evidently had for him. That was the one thing that made all this bearable. He still had his father, and his father cared. Dad is actually skipping work?
Jonathan put down his book, evidently noticing that Joshua was awake. "How are you feeling?"
"Rested." Joshua grinned, "Considering that I fell asleep yesterday evening and it's almost afternoon. You're skipping work today?"
Jonathan nodded, "I thought you needed me more than Doors International did. Renee can handle that."
"Thank you."
"I thought you might want to grab some lunch or something?"
Joshua nodded, "Dad? Could we visit Mom's grave . . . I need to . . . I . . ." Joshua trailed off. Maybe he shouldn't have raised the subject this soon.
But Jonathan's face only softened, "Actually, I was going to ask you if you wanted to."
An hour later, they were ready to go. Joshua was unused to wearing casual clothes on a week day. Of course, he had rarely taken a day off, except for the very few times that he'd been severely ill, and even then, he'd done work at home.
That was probably the wrong path to be taking. His recent experience had taught him that. You never knew what life was going to do to you next or where it would take you.
Jonathan input the coordinates and stepped into the portal as it activated.
***********************
Jonathan felt the usual nothingness of portal transport wash over him and then suddenly and unexpectedly, he was forcefully thrown out of the portal and landed hard on the ground. He could faintly hear the sounds of weapons fire but for some reason couldn't raise his head. Joshua! I've got to find him. Where are we? Something must have been wrong with the portal.
The weapons fire was drawing closer. And as it did, voices started becoming clearer.
"Who is he?"
"He does not contain a Goa'uld. And he appears to be of the Tau'ri."
The voices circled over his head, and a more familiar one spoke. "Help me move him."
"Joshua?" Jonathan moaned. The owner of the voice came into view. It WAS Joshua. Jonathan then passed out, content in the knowledge that they were both safe.
***********************
The Tok'Ra moved quickly and carefully amid the weapons fire, carrying Jonathan through the Gate to their base. They had no idea who he was or where he was from, but it was evident that he was not with the Goa'uld. Therefore, there was the possibility that he could help them. Right now they could use the help, especially since they had lost the current battle, and several Tok'Ra as well. His words had confused them. He kept mumbling something about someone named Joshua, who was apparently his son.
//Probably a casualty of the Goa'uld// thought Jacob sadly, thoughts drifting to his own daughter's dangerous occupation.
Sel'mac agreed, //It will make him more likely to cooperate//.
When they stepped through the Gate they were immediately greeted by High Councilor Per'sus on the other side. He did not waste time on pleasantries, "Who is that?"
"We do not know for certain, but he is not with the Goa'uld. Perhaps he would be willing to help us." offered Jacob.
"We do need hosts. He is a Tau'ri?"
Aldwin nodded, "We believe so. Perhaps we should take him there?"
"Sel'mac?"
Sel'mac nodded, "I shall take care of it."
"Do so as expediently as possible. You may leave immediately."
Ten minutes later, Jacob found himself leading two Tok'Ra guards carrying the Tau'ri on a litter. General Hammond was there to greet him, "Good to see you again, Jacob."
"I've got a puzzle for you George. We don't know who this man is. We found him on a planet where we were fighting the Goa'uld and wondered if perhaps he was one of your MIAs." Dr. Frasier moved to the man's side and Jacob continued, "Our medical technicians checked him out before we came. He is merely unconscious." A pause, "Are you missing a man George?"
Hammond shook his head. Fraiser and her medical team quickly took Jonathan to the infirmary.
"You found him where?" Hammond asked.
"We were attempting a rather large operation against the Goa'uld. Unfortunately, we were expected, got into a firefight and were forced to retreat. We found him near the Gate." Jacob paused, "He was mumbling something about his son, someone named Joshua."
Hammond's face darkened for a moment, "Were there any bodies nearby?"
"Not that we saw George."
"I don't know where he's from Jacob. All I know is that he isn't one of ours."
***********************
Joshua glanced up, twisting in his bonds. What had happened? Where was he? And where was his father? Was his dad okay?
A woman entered the room, her walk slow and deliberate - eyes glowing. Two strange looking muscular men, judging from their stance - bodyguards, followed her. She gestured toward Joshua and they pulled him to his feet, at eye level with her. He glared defiantly, but nearly jumped when her eyes glowed again.
"Who are you?" her voice was odd sounding. Joshua remained silent.
She grabbed his chin, forcing him to look her in the eyes, "Who are you?"
Joshua took a deep, calming breath. "Who are you?"
She slapped him sharply, "Do not be insolent, Tok'Ra. You will tell me what I wish to know. We can do this pleasantly or I can promise you an infinite amount of pain."
Tok'Ra? What did that mean? Joshua's heart was pounding as she nodded to one of the muscular men, who let go of Joshua's arm and planted his fist in Joshua's stomach.
Joshua moaned and doubled over in pain. The second man pulled him back up as the first started to hit him again, but they were interrupted by the entrance of another.
"Osiris, my Lord." The man then finished speaking quietly to the woman.
"Come." she announced, "We'll finish with this later."
The two men dropped Joshua onto the hard floor and left. He rolled over, his stomach sore and quickly fell asleep.
***********************
"General, I've checked him out and there appears to be no threats, Goa'uld or otherwise." Dr. Frasier reported to the group that had gathered in the conference room to discuss their visitor.
"Where is he from?" Jack asked.
Jacob answered, "That we don't know. We found him here." he pointed to a planet on the map beside the conference table. "That cannot be his native planet, but other than that we know nothing of him."
"Sir," Sam started, "I ran his picture through the database and came up with absolutely no matches. If he's from Earth, then there's no record of him at all."
"Which is rather unusual." General Hammond stated. "Is he any threat?"
"Not that I can see," Janet answered, "He's as human as you or I."
"Then we'll go with minimum security and leave the guards outside the infirmary, just in case."
No one disagreed with the order. They had all had experience with things and people not being as they appeared.
"Doctor Fraiser, let me know when he wakes up." General Hammond said.
Janet nodded and left the meeting to return to her patient while the rest continued their discussion.
***********************
About an hour later, Osiris reentered the cell, bodyguards in tow yet again. This time they left Joshua on the ground. He slowly sat up, eyeing all three with caution. "What do you want from me?" It was the only question he could think to ask. And it was really the only one that mattered at this point. The only thing he knew about the situation so far was that this woman wanted something, would do anything to get it and that he wasn't in Kansas anymore . . .
"All I wish for now is information. Why were the Tok'Ra on the planet? Why do you no longer have a symbiote? I know you must be on some covert mission for them as your dress is odd. Give me the information and I will spare your life."
Joshua shook his head, allowing confusion to cloud his face, "I don't understand." and he didn't. "What is a Tok'Ra? What planet are we on? I'm not working for anyone."
Osiris grinned evilly, "Nice try, but I know you are lying."
What kind of nightmare have I gotten into? Joshua thought, How can I give her information I don't have?
"You wish to be difficult? Very well. It will be easy to get what I need."
Joshua shivered unconsciously, wondering exactly what that meant. He didn't have to wonder for very long. Osiris made a motion and the two bodyguards came to hold Joshua still. "I think it is time that I have a new host." To her bodyguards she said, "When it is done, keep this body. When I find my mate, she shall have it."
"I don't understand. What do you want from me?" Joshua asked, suddenly very afraid.
Osiris did not respond. Suddenly a creature left her mouth and the body slumped to the floor unconscious. The creature, a snakelike one, rushed toward Joshua, who gasped and struggled to back away, to no avail.
A second later, the creature jumped, into his neck. All Joshua could do was scream.
***********************
Jonathan woke up suddenly, instantly aware that his surroundings were unfamiliar. People in white coats, obviously doctors moved around the room. He was in a hospital of some kind . . . "Where am I? Where's my son?"
"Shhhh," a woman said soothingly, "My name is Janet Frasier. I'm a doctor here at the SGC."
"The SG what?" Jonathan sat up, "Where is my son?"
At that, Jacob and General Hammond entered,
"We don't know where your son is." Jacob said.
"I'm General Hammond. I run this facility. This is Jacob from the Tok'Ra. The Tok'Ra found you on a planet where they were fighting the Goa'uld. How did you get there?"
Jonathan just looked confused, "Tok'Ra? Goa'uld?" He was at a loss.
"You don't know who the Goa'uld are?" another man asked sarcastically from behind General Hammond.
Jonathan shook his head, "I'm Jonathan Doors. I run Doors International." He paused, but there were blank looks on all their faces, so he continued, "My son and I were traveling through a portal to somewhere just outside D.C. The ride felt off and then we were suddenly thrown out. It must have been on that planet. I heard weapons fire then felt someone carrying me away from it. I thought I saw my son's face and then I passed out." He glanced around at these people suspiciously. Did they really not know who he was or were they pretending for some reason? "What's going on here?"
"What planet are you from?" Jacob asked.
Jonathan looked at him strange and said, "Earth. How about you?" He paused, "Where are we?"
"Earth." A woman with blond hair input, "I'm Dr. Samantha Carter."
Suddenly something occurred to Jonathan, "What year is it?" Upon hearing the answer his eyes widened, "The same year . . ." he muttered, "And you've never heard of Doors International?"
Carter shook her head, then looked at General Hammond, "Sir, I think this might be another . . ."
"No don't say it Carter!" said the sarcastic man.
"Intersection with an alternate reality."
"You could be right." Jonathan said, "We've had some experiences with those before." He didn't know all the exact science behind a 'crossover' but he knew enough about them. "My son was with me. He's probably still on the planet. We need to go back."
"We already sent a second search party, given how much you spoke of him while asleep. We found nothing. If he were there, he was probably captured by Osiris."
"Who's that?" Jonathan didn't like the sound of that.
"He's one of the Goa'ulds that we were talking about." the sarcastic man input, "I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill." he indicated another man entering the room, "That's Dr. Daniel Jackson. And Teal'C is around somewhere."
"So how do we find him?" Jonathan asked calmly, trying to contain his emotions.
General Hammond looked disturbed, "I'm not sure . . ."
Jacob interrupted, "The Tok'Ra have intelligence about Osiris' whereabouts. If you'd like, we'll provide you that, plus myself and two other Tok'Ra to help locate him if SG-1 can come along."
Hammond nodded, "Okay, you can leave within the hour. Major Carter, how do we go about returning him to his reality?"
Sam shook her head, "I don't know. I'll need some more information from him, but I do have an idea."
"I'm going with them, General." Jonathan said. "She can get the information then."
"No, you're going to remain here."
"No. Not while my son is out there somewhere! I've had training. I know how to use a weapon. I'm going." Jonathan knew he couldn't make demands here, only hoped that this man could understand. The General hesitated, and Jonathan added, "I take full responsibility for myself. Please, just let me go."
Finally, Hammond nodded, "Very well. You leave in an hour."
It didn't escape Jonathan's notice that Colonel O'Neill rolled his eyes and mouthed something to Dr. Jackson, Civilians But Jonathan really didn't care. The only thought on his mind was finding Joshua.
***********************
Forty-five minutes later, Jonathan was in what these people called a Gate Room. A huge circular portal type structure stood up. How in the world could something like that actually work?
Suddenly enough to make him jump, the Gate activated, and a wave of what appeared to be water lurched out and then retreated, shimmering and covering the empty part in the center of the circle.
A moment later, two men stepped through. They were dressed similarly to Jacob, so Jonathan assumed they were Tok'Ra.
Martouf was the first to appear. He nodded at the group.
Jonathan gasped at the appearance of the second Tok'Ra, "Joshua?"
Aldwin glanced at this human, puzzled, "I am called Aldwin."
"Your son looks like him?" Sam approached.
Jonathan nodded wordlessly.
Jack sighed, "This is getting complicated, but then, ain't it always?"
"I don't understand . . ." Jonathan looked bewildered.
"Campers, let's go!" Jack said, purposefully ignoring Jonathan's question. Jonathan didn't ask again either, merely staring at the man that resembled his son so much.
***********************
Jonathan stepped through the Gate, without any hesitation. All he could think about was finding Joshua and he ferverently hoped that his son was safe. His own safety didn't matter at this point. His irritation flared when the rest of the group stopped after exiting the Gate. He stood waiting impatiently, still curiously watching the man who could have been Joshua's twin.
Colonel O'Neill came over to him, "Look, I understand what you're going through,"
"Do you?" Jonathan's voice was sarcastic, responding to the man's earlier sarcasm, "Do you really understand how us civilians feel, Colonel."
O'Neill looked at him sympathetically with a bit of embarrassment, realizing that Jonathan had 'heard' his comment, "Yes, I do. My son accidently shot himself with my gun several years ago." Jack paused, "But if we don't take some precautions and if you don't follow my orders, then you could wind up getting someone killed - possibly your son."
"What is likely going through, Colonel?" Jonathan asked. "What are they doing to him?"
Jack looked uncomfortable, "If it were my son out there, I'd feel the same way you do, and want to take action. But if you can't or won't obey my orders, then I'm going to send you back to the SGC. I won't put my team at unnecessary risk."
Jonathan nodded, "I understand, Colonel."
"Sir!" Sam called, "Daniel's found something."
"We're coming Carter." Jack then mumbled, "Daniel's ALWAYS found something. And it's usually more than I want to know, or handle . . ."
***********************
Joshua had been forced to a corner of his mind. The creature that had jumped into him evidently was Osiris. It had taken over, and had trapped him. But he was still aware of everything that went on around him, and he could hear its evil thoughts. The thoughts were so horrifying that Joshua began to feel ill, if that were possible. He had also never seen images so horrifying - ever. The things this monster had witnessed . . . were terrifying to Joshua.
What if the thing forced him to act like that? Could he live with himself later? Would there even be a later?
You will bend to our way or you will cease to exist.
Joshua recoiled as the thought superimposed itself on his mind.
You cannot win.
***********************
"What is it Daniel?" Jack asked exasperatedly.
"Well this writing here seems to indicate that this is a temple to Apophis." Daniel started in his half-distracted way, not noticing Jack's sarcasm. "The writing here is an ancient Goa'uld dialect, but I can make out most of it. This temple has been here for a long time though. The structure is pretty amazing since it's still standing and the writing isn't worn away . . ."
"Daniel, does this wonderful lecture have a point?"
"Yes Jack." Daniel said, tone annoyed.
"So, is Osiris here or what?"
"He's here, but I'm guessing not in this temple."
"Be specific Daniel."
Daniel felt of the wall and pushed a specific brick, "Osiris is the god of the underworld. So that is where we have to look."
The wall opened up.
"Wouldn't it have been easier to just say 'Open Sesame'?" asked Jack.
***********************
"I don't think this is good," Jack said, staring at the many many Jaffa before them, weapons aimed and ready to fire.
"Put down your weapons." ordered one of the Jaffa, "Or be destroyed."
"Jack, I think we'd better do as he suggests." Daniel whispered, then aloud said, "We're here on a peaceful rescue mission."
"Yes." The Jaffa said, "Osiris said that you were here to retrieve your lost companion. Now lower your weapons."
"What have you done to my son?" Jonathan asked, his voice shaking with anger as the rest of the group slowly dropped their weapons on the ground.
The Jaffa ignored the question, instead, dragging the group to what appeared to be a throne room. The Tok'Ra stoicly complied. Jonathan glared at the Jaffa, but also remained silent. SG-1 whispered quietly among themselves.
"I have a really bad feeling about this. Daniel?" Jack kicked the anthropologist to get his attention, then glanced at him in concern though he knew why Daniel was uneasy.
Once in the throne room, the Jaffa surrounded all of their captives and forced them to their knees. Their weapons had already been removed. Suddenly, all the Jaffa bowed slightly, but still maintained a hold on their captives.
Jack glanced up as Osiris entered the room and cursed under his breath. This was NOT going to make life easier for anybody . . . Jack heard comparable murmuring among the Tok'Ra.
"Joshua?" Jonathan stood, happy to see his son.
Completely, deafening silence followed.
Jonathan watched as his son remained oddly silent, no emotion on his face, as he strolled slowly over to him, stopping in front of him. His eyes glowed and Jonathan knew that something was very very wrong . . .
"You are his father." Osiris stated.
Jonathan heard the voice -- that of his son, and yet it wasn't . . . the odd harshness surprised him. He nodded, anger at this monster and fear for his son warring on his face.
"Your son exists no longer."
That's not true! Joshua mentally screamed. His heart nearly broke when he saw the expression on his father's face.
Jonathan nodded slowly, eyes pained, "If that's true . . ."
"Which it ISN'T." input Jack.
"Then I will kill you." Jonathan finished, determination and resolve in his eyes.
"We shall see." Osiris said, "Though you are wrong - the Goa'uld ARE capable of eradicating the personality of the host now. That is something your Tok'Ra friends know, and I am sure neglected to mention."
Jack muttered, "Great."
Jonathan's world had spun out of control . . . He couldn't imagine losing his son . . . but especially not like this . . . not one piece at a time.
"Though his personality is gone, I still possess his memories." Osiris paused, visibly enjoying this . . . "He hated you. He hated you more than anyone else alive. And the only reason he reconciled with you after One Taelon Avenue is because he wished to hurt you again. It is your fault - you killed his mother, your own wife. You were never there for him . . . He really hated you. And he gladly joined with me. He wanted us to get rid of him, because that would hurt you more than anything else."
Jonathan sank to his knees in shock and horror. The emotions on his face were the same ones going through Joshua's mind - except one.
And that one on Jonathan's face hurt Joshua more than anything else ever could have.
Doubt.
Dad, please, don't doubt me . . . please don't make me see that in your eyes . . .
But it was there anyway.
Osiris gave an evil grin and stretched out his hand . . . to activate the device that Joshua had seen used earlier.
No!!! Don't hurt my father. Please don't force me to . . . Osiris please . . . Joshua pleaded. He felt Osiris' perverse pleasure at his distress, his fear. He would rather die than be forced to watch this . . do this . . .
Before Joshua could even finish the thought, a man stepped between him and his father. The man was dressed oddly, but looked exactly like him. His face was intensely stoic.
Joshua sensed Osiris' surprise by this man's appearance, as strong as his own. Osiris controlled his expression carefully glaring, then, without a word or thought turned the device on Joshua's look-alike, until he slowly sank to the floor, unconscious . . .
No one moved for a long moment. Then Martouf slowly edged to Aldwin's side.
"Leave him." ordered Osiris.
Immediately, two Jaffa grabbed Martouf, preventing him from aiding Aldwin.
"Take them to a cell. Leave him and Dr. Jackson. I will deal with the others later."
"Wait just a minute!" Jack said, "What do you . . ." Jack was cut off when a Jaffa brought a weapon across his jaw.
The Jaffa dragged the rest of the group out to a cell, leaving a few guarding both the unconscious Aldwin and Daniel.
"You kept me from my queen. For that, you will pay. But first, where is she? Where have you kept her?" The hand holding the ribbon device wavered dangerously close to Daniel's face, stopping at his forehead. Daniel mentally prepared himself for the pain to come . . . he closed his eyes.
Osiris suddenly lowered his hand, "No. Not yet. You will watch all your friends suffer. Only then will I destroy you." To the Jaffa holding Daniel he said, "Take him to his friends."
Daniel said nothing as the Jaffa led him away.
Aldwin slowly stirred. It was eerie how like him this man looked . . . and terrifying. They were alone, though Aldwin felt sure that there were several Jaffa guards at the door. As Osiris approached him, Aldwin stood. He felt no fear personally, but pitied whomever the host was.
"You will give me the information I seek." Osiris threatened.
"I have no information to give." Aldwin said peacefully.
"Then you will suffer at my hands." hissed Osiris.
"That is your decision. No one else is to blame, least of all your host." Aldwin stated, exonerating Joshua.
"Very well, Tok'Ra." Osiris spat, "We shall see how strong your resolve remains."
Osiris pulled out a device that Aldwin recognized, a device that many of the Tok'Ra had termed a 'symbiote killer'. When it was used, it's purpose was to essentially torture a symbiote to death, often taking the host with it.
"I will tell you nothing." Aldwin said as Osiris' hand nearly touched his forehead with the device.
Osiris didn't say another word, instead turning the device on the Tok'Ra. Aldwin tried to get away from the beam, but it tore right through his mind . . . It felt as if his symbiote were being boiled inside him. It was screaming in his mind. Its screams were as painful to him as the device was . . . And Osiris didn't take long, bringing him to the abyss of death. Without fear, Aldwin relented, and fell into it . . .
Osiris stood over the dead Tok'Ra and grinned.
***********************
Aldwin opened his eyes, returning to consciousness. At first he couldn't see, didn't know where he was . . . then he remembered . . . Osiris, death, his own face . . . His symbiote could not have healed all the damage caused by the device, so what had happened?
Sam and Martouf were beside him, helping him sit up.
"Take it easy." Sam said gently.
"What happened?"
Martouf explained, "Osiris claims that he killed you."
A look of horror followed by anger crossed Aldwin's face, "He used a sarcophagus."
It was then that Aldwin noticed Jonathan Doors sitting nearby, on the floor, a look of anger and determination on his face.
Aldwin spoke, "Your son is alive."
Jonathan's head snapped up, and everyone else's attention became focused on Aldwin. "What do you mean?"
"Dr. Jackson once spoke of communicating through the ribbon device. That is very much what I experienced."
"And how do you know it was Joshua that communicated with you? You don't even know him." Jack asked.
"I doubt very much that a Goa'uld would apologize for their behavior." Aldwin stated. Turning to Jonathan, he added, "He also asked me to tell you that he loves you, and that he is trying to do what he can. He is afraid that it will not be enough. And he'd rather die than live as he is."
"I don't blame him there." Daniel said.
"Wait just a minute." Jack said, "You put yourself in Osiris' way so you could attempt to communicate with Joshua?"
"It would have been far more detrimental to both him and his father had I not. Besides, I did not know for certain that Osiris would use the ribbon device on me."
"And let me guess, your symbiote better enables you to block out the pain . . ." Jack added.
"That is incorrect, Colonel. Our symbiotes help us bear the pain, not block it out."
Jonathan interrupted, "How do we get that thing out of him?"
"Uh, first I think we might want to be concerned with getting out of this cell." Daniel said.
While SG-1 and Martouf discussed their options for escaping, Jacob came to sit next to Jonathan, "The Tok'Ra do have a way to remove the symbiote."
"But?" Jonathan prompted worriedly.
"If the symbiote does not wish for us to conduct the procedure and does not agree, at best it could cause severe brain damage to the host. At worst, death."
***********************
Everyone started when the door groaned open. Two Jaffa entered, others waiting at the door, weapons ready to fire. One of the Jaffa spoke to Aldwin, "Osiris wishes to question you again. You will come."
Aldwin exchanged a knowing glance with Jacob and Martouf. He knew what Osiris was going to do again. Sure enough, an hour later, he woke up in the cell again. He had been dead again. It was anyone's nightmare . . . tortured to death, then revived only to be tortured and killed again. Sam and Martouf again helped him sit up.
"They took Jonathan after they brought you back." Daniel said.
"Is it normal for a Goa'uld to behave like this? He seems more concerned with playing emotions than with revenge. I mean, after that deal with Isis, I would have thought he'd be ripping us apart by now. Not that I'm complaining . . ."
"Well Jack," Jacob said, "Except for Daniel, he doesn't know any of you."
Aldwin interrupted, "His choice of targets tells us all we need to know about his motives. I am, in appearance, very much like his host. Jonathan Doors is the father of his host."
"And . . ."
"He is attempting to force his host into submission . . . to destroy him emotionally so that he is no longer an irritant."
"But I thought that the symbiote controlled the host completely," Daniel started, "Why torture what you already control?"
"Why not?" asked Jacob, "They take great pleasure in the pain of others. Why should a host be any different?" Besides, a host who resists is much like a fly buzzing around your head . . ."
"An irritant to be swatted down . . ." finished Sam seriously.
"And it will continue until Osiris wins or is removed from Joshua."
***********************
Jonathan Doors was in hell. He sat watching his son pace before him . . . well, not his son exactly . . . but the thing that had taken over. They had not spoken since the Jaffa had brought him here.
"You could have helped him . . ." Osiris started, "If only you had paid attention, gone after him right when the One Taelon Avenue project started."
Was this why he was here? Or was Osiris going to use Joshua to hurt him? Make Joshua suffer more? Jonathan wasn't afraid to die. He had lived in harm's way too long to be scared of that. But right now, if something happened to him, he feared that it would kill Joshua.
"If you had bothered to care about your son's feelings, things might have been different. But everything else was more important than your son, especially your little resistance movement."
At this, Jonathan found his voice, "That's not true. I love my son more than anything. And if he doesn't know that, that's my fault - not his. Joshua, no matter what happens here, I love you. And I want you to keep fighting and when you get free, live your life."
"Silence!" Osiris hissed. "Your son is dead."
"Then why are you afraid to let me talk? Joshua, don't blame yourself. If you do, this monster wins . . ."
"You will remain silent Tau'ri!"
Jonathan closed his mouth, afraid to say anything further. He didn't want to provoke anything that his son would have to live with later.
"I wish to know the technology that allowed you to come here. How does it work? How might I return?" Joshua's voice had returned to it's "normal" tone, startling Jonathan. The monster he expected, but not to sound like his son.
"I honestly don't know how we got here."
Osiris sighed, then the Goa'uld voice spoke again, "Do you wish to force your son to have memories of torturing his own father?"
"I thought you said he didn't exist anymore." challenged Jonathan.
Osiris ignored his words, walking around him slowly. Jonathan remained staring straight ahead, refusing to let this thing intimidate him, and he prayed . . .
"You know that I can kill and revive you multiple times, kill you in many ways. Your son's mind is not strong enough to withstand that. Give me the information I desire, and you will spare him that."
Jonathan was horrified but didn't let the emotion show on his face, "Believe me, if I could, I would do anything for my son. And my son is strong enough to defeat a coward like you." he sneered.
Osiris turned to him, "Not many dare to call me a coward and as for those who do . . . they live to regret it . . ."
***********************
"Come on! Someone has GOT to know how to get out of here!" Jack kicked the door of the cell to emphasize his frustration.
"I indeed have an idea O'Neill." Teal'C said.
"Well then spit it out." Jack paused, then explained, "Tell us."
"This is a temple created for Apophis." he stated, Daniel nodded. "In many of the cells, Apophis had escape routes installed so that in case he was imprisoned, he would have the opportunity to escape."
"Why didn't you mention this before?" Jack moved to the wall and began hitting it in various places.
"This is not one of the specially designed cells. One of the adjoining cells should have the escape mechanism, out of this part of the temple. But we must reach one. Otherwise, we shall remain stuck in the dungeon."
"Great. So we gotta get out of this cell."
"That is indeed correct, O'Neill."
Jacob moved toward the door, calling in his symbiote voice, "Allow me to speak to Osiris. I am willing to share some information I am sure he will find valuable."
A moment later, the door opened and a single Jaffa stood there, weapon aimed at the group. "You will come . . . alone." he hissed.
Jacob nodded, and passively walked out. The guard stayed looking at the prisoners a moment more, allowing Jacob enough time to knock out the guard.
"Good work." Jack said approvingly.
Jacob nodded, "Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best. Now, let's get moving."
Teal'C took the lead, taking the group to the adjacent cell, and quickly finding the escape mechanism. As he did so, the alarm sounded.
***********************
"Sounds like your friends are attempting an escape. They'll be executed for their insolence, of course." Osiris stated.
"Of course." Jonathan said sarcastically.
"Right after we finish here . . ." The ribbon device wavered above Jonathan's head. And promptly moved as the door to the throne room opened and SG-1 and the Tok'Ra appeared.
Jonathan struck, in the only way he could, by sweeping Osiris' feet out from under him and then rolling out of the way. The ribbon device left his hand and clattered several feet away.
Osiris was quickly on his feet again, and reached to activate his personal Goa'uld shield, but hesitated for some reason. Aldwin didn't question it, merely moved close enough that he was able to zat Osiris before the shield came up.
"What are you doing?" Jonathan demanded.
"He's alright." Sam reassured him, "We can't get him back unless he is unconscious."
***********************
Two hours later
SGC
"Osiris has agreed to leave Joshua, but only if we send him, unharmed, to the planet of his choice." Jacob said. "George, it's your decision."
"I'm not sure I can give a Goa'uld his freedom, after what he's done."
"But we're talking about my son's life here!" Jonathan protested.
"Believe me, Mr. Doors, I do understand that."
"It doesn't seem to me that you do."
" This Goa'uld has killed many of my men. If we let it go, he'll just find another host and cause trouble again. We have the opportunity to end that cycle now."
"And what happens to Joshua?"
"Let me assure you that we're going to do everything that we can to save him." General Hammond said calmly. "But we have to explore reasonable options without letting Osiris go. We cannot negotiate."
"I want to see my son." Jonathan stated. It wasn't a request.
"That will be possible soon. The Tok'Ra are retrieving a Tollan device that will enable us to control who is speaking."
"I want to see him now." growled Jonathan.
"Well that isn't going to happen. I'm sorry." General Hammond said, "Believe me, if it weren't necessary, I wouldn't keep him isolated."
"He's my son!"
"And that means you should do what's best for him. He can't control his own actions right now. And I can guarantee you that killing his father would not help him at all." Jacob said. "Martouf and Aldwin will guard him until Anise returns with the device."
"And what exactly will this device do again?" Jonathan asked.
"It will allow us to essentially lock out the symbiote, where it will not harm your son, until we can remove it." Jacob explained.
"And I'll be able to talk to my son?"
Jacob nodded.
***********************
Joshua was pleasantly surprised when he felt the pressure on his mind from Osiris suddenly lessened and then dimmed to almost nothingness. The Tok'Ra, that's what the snake thing had called them, had placed a device over his chest. He suddenly realized that control had been returned to him.
"Thank you." Joshua said, testing his voice.
"You are very welcome." one of the Tok'Ra replied, "I am Martouf." Martouf pointed at the woman across the room, "She is Anise."
"What did you do?"
"This is a Tollan device that allows us to block out the symbiote."
Joshua nodded, remembering, from his symbiote, that the Tollan were another race hated by the Goa'uld. "When can you take the thing out of me?"
"We cannot, unless the symbiote will agree. Otherwise, it will very likely kill you."
Joshua nodded slowly, grimly accepting that news for now. "What are you going to do?"
"We do not yet know."
"Can it hear our conversation?" Joshua asked.
"No, it cannot."
"We have some questions to ask you." Anise stated.
Joshua nodded again, "Whatever you need to get this thing out of me."
"What knowledge do you have of the symbiote?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" The question had confused him.
"Do you share its knowledge?"
Martouf glared at Anise, "This is not the appropriate time."
"The Council feels that it is. We require the tactical information that he possesses."
"Tactical information?" Joshua asked incredulously, "Wait just a minute, I want this thing out of me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you what it's thinking."
"What is this?" another, familiar voice asked.
Joshua turned to see the man that was his mirror image standing there.
"We are attempting to get tactical information from his symbiote. The council agrees that now is the time to gather the information." Anise explained.
Joshua stared at this man. He was dressed in funny clothes, the same funny clothes that Martouf wore and his face was serious and intense, and stoic.
"Now is not the appropriate time. He is still influenced by the symbiote somewhat."
"Do you question the council's decision?"
"I agree that we should attempt to retrieve tactical information, but after the symbiote has been removed."
"We may be unable to do that. If Osiris were to kill him, then at least we would have the information."
Joshua winced. Aldwin noticed, "General Hammond will not agree to this."
"He does not know."
"Actually, I do Anise. May I speak with you a moment?"
Anise looked annoyed, but stepped into the hall. Martouf followed as well.
Both Joshua and Aldwin sat silently, each staring at the other. Finally, Joshua broke the silence. "You're stronger than I am."
"I do not understand." Aldwin said, truly puzzled.
"How do you deal with having one of those things inside you?"
"Mine is not a Goa'uld. The Tok'Ra renounce forcing a host to comply with their will. We are attempting to defeat the Goa'uld and do not agree with their ways."
"Who are you?"
"My name is Aldwin."
"Thank you for what you did. I . . . I'm sorry for . . ."
Aldwin stopped him. "You have no need to apologize."
Joshua paused, then asked, "Will Osiris kill me?"
"There is a possibility. Everything we can do to prevent that will be done." Aldwin added, "I told your father the things you asked me to."
"Thank you." Joshua said again, unsure of what else to say. "Could I see him?"
Aldwin nodded, "I shall retrieve him as soon as General Hammond and Anise have ceased their . . . discussion."
"Joshua?" Jonathan Doors entered the room.
"Dad!" Joshua exclaimed, standing up.
Aldwin nodded at both, "I shall return shortly."
Jonathan crossed the room and pulled his son into a hug. "Thank God you're safe." His voice was choked.
Jonathan released his son from the hug and Joshua could see that his father's eyes were misty. Jonathan spoke, "They said that they're going to try and get that thing out of you soon."
Joshua nodded, "They also said that unless Osiris relents, I'll die too." Joshua could see that his father already knew this by the look in his eyes. "Dad . . . I'm going to fight. I'm not going to give up. And, I have a feeling that everything will be okay."
His father wouldn't meet his eyes. "Joshua . . . I can't lose you, not now, not after what's happened . . ."
"Dad, I'm afraid, I'm scared of what might happen, but if the worst does happen, I can go knowing that we're okay. That we've made peace. That's what matters."
"Joshua . . ."
"Dad," Joshua touched his father's shoulder, "I love you."
They hugged again and pulled apart as the Tok'Ra, SG-1 and General Hammond reentered.
"What are you going to do?" asked Joshua.
"We have discussed the situation and I want to talk to Osiris again, to hopefully convince him . . ." General Hammond explained.
Joshua's eyes went wide with fear, "How? Are you going to give him control again?"
Aldwin moved forward, "Do not fear. We will be able to suppress him at any point. And if you wish to speak, he will not be able to stop you."
"What if he decides to hurt Joshua?" Jonathan asked, standing next to his son.
Sam spoke, "My understanding is that the device also prevents the symbiote from having the power to harm the host."
Martouf nodded, "That is correct."
"Then what exactly is so hard about removing the symbiote?" Jonathan asked frustrated.
"We cannot accomplish that without removing the device." Anise calmly explained.
"What happened to Sarah?" the voice cut through the chatter. Joshua saw that Dr. Jackson was staring at him intensely.
"Who is Sarah?" Joshua asked.
"Osiris' previous host . . ." Daniel started to explain.
Joshua nodded, "She's alive. Osiris wants his mate to inhabit her body. But I don't know where she is." Joshua could read the pain in the other man's face. Obviously Sarah was a friend . . . or something more.
"Are you sure?" the tone was surprisingly harsh and accusatory, not that Joshua blamed the man.
Joshua said softly, "I wish I could help you. I'm sorry."
"I don't suppose you cared enough to even try and find out who she was . . ."
Joshua winced.
"Daniel!" snapped Jack.
Daniel continued, "Or what they were doing to her. She was my friend. And the Goa'uld stole her life."
"Dr. Jackson, that's enough." Hammond said sternly, "You are dismissed."
Without another word or even argument, Daniel turned and left. Jack trotted after him.
"I'm sorry General." Joshua said, "I wish I could help, but I really don't know."
"I know, son," General Hammond said, "I know."
***********************
"Daniel, what were you doing in there? That man has had to endure the same things as Sarah. He's as much a victim in this as she is. He didn't hurt her."
Daniel sighed, "I know Jack. It's just . . ." He trailed off.
"Daniel, that man is facing the possibility that the thing inside him may kill him. He's also in a totally different universe and he only knows his father. For the last two weeks, they've been separated and he's had his body invaded and used to do horrible things. As I understand it, before he came here, he'd already been through a whole heck of a lot of crap. I know you're upset over Sarah, but being hostile towards Joshua isn't gonna help you or her."
***********************
"Are you sure I won't be able to hurt anyone?" Joshua asked again worriedly.
General Hammond nodded. Sam and Teal'C had joined Jack and Daniel in the hall. Jonathan stood next to Joshua, watching the Tok'Ra work.
"Dad?"
Jonathan looked up.
"I don't want you here while that thing is in control . . ."
"Joshua . . ."
"Dad, please don't argue. Please?"
Jonathan hesitated a moment, then finally nodded. "Okay. I'll be right outside." He quickly stepped into the hall, before he changed his mind.
"Your father would be in no danger." Martouf said, "If you wish him to stay, that will be safe."
"I don't want him to see me like that . . ."
"Are you prepared?" Anise asked stoicly.
Joshua took a deep breath and nodded and Anise released the locking mechanism. Osiris returned.
"My name is General Hammond."
"I know who you are." Osiris snapped. "You will all be punished for this."
"I don't really think you're in the position to make threats."
"Nor are you. You cannot remove me without killing him, unless I allow it."
"And what would that take for you to 'allow' it?"
"Guarantee my safe passage to a planet of my choosing. On that point there will be no discussion. Either free me, or he will die."
General Hammond nodded, "I'm going to speak with my people. I'll be back shortly." Martouf and Aldwin followed General Hammond out of the room.
Osiris smiled wickedly, sensing that he would get his wish.
"I am now returning control to your host." Anise said, hitting some buttons on a panel. Osiris reacted immediately, grabbing her and snapping her neck. She fell to the floor, limp. Deliberately, he picked up her zat gun and fired - once, twice, and then again, disintegrating the body.
Behind him, the door swished open. Osiris turned - right into a zat blast - and everything went black.
***********************
"I thought you told us, told him that he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone! Do you have any idea what he's been through the past few months? He already feels responsible for the deaths of two people. He doesn't need any more guilt on top of that." Jonathan Doors glared at Martouf. He refused to even glance at Aldwin, who looked too eerily similar to his son for comfort.
"What exactly happened? I thought that Joshua should have been able to stop Osiris." General Hammond said.
"The device is slightly modified from the Tollan design. We thought perhaps the modifications would permit the host to have better control over the symbiote."
"Why didn't you say something before now? How many times have you tested this?" Jack asked.
"We have not actually had the opportunity to apply this to the Goa'uld." admitted Martouf.
Jack gave a knowing, sarcastic sigh while Jonathan asked angrily, "You mean to tell me that you used my son as a guinea pig for your little device?" Jonathan's anger faded momentarily as he heard his son moan.
Joshua slowly sat up and asked in a clearly shocked tone, "How could you let that happen? How could you let me do that?"
"It was not you who killed her. It was Osiris." said Martouf calmly, fully expecting Joshua to accept this.
"But he used me! He used my body to kill her!"
"But it was not you." Aldwin said. "You had no power to control your actions."
"But I had to sit here and watch while that thing used me to kill her. I'm partly to blame!"
"Joshua . . ." Jonathan started reaching out his hand.
"No, Dad. Leave me alone. It's my fault."
A woman in a white coat came over to him. He'd seen her before, but couldn't remember her name. "I'm Dr. Frasier. You really need to calm down. We're going to figure out a way to get the symbiote out of you. For now I'm going to give you a sedative to help you relax."
"No sedative, doctor. Please. I'll calm down, but please don't drug me."
"I really think it would be best if . . ." Frasier glanced at General Hammond who shook his head, "Are you sure?"
Joshua nodded. "I want to be alone. Until you figure out what to do, please everyone just leave me alone."
***********************
Everyone slowly filed out of the room. At the door, Daniel stopped, and turned. "I'm going to talk to him."
"Daniel . . ." Jack started.
"Jack. I know it isn't his fault and I won't yell at him this time."
Daniel stepped back into the room where Joshua sat, eyes staring into space. Joshua completely ignored him until he spoke.
"Joshua?"
"Leave me alone."
Daniel didn't move.
"Are you here to snap my head off again?" Joshua asked bitterly.
"No, actually I came to apologize. I know it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry."
"You've cleared your conscience now doctor. You can go."
The harsh words stung but Daniel knew they were deserved.
"A Goa'uld captured my wife and put a symbiote in her. She tried to kill me but I know it wasn't her fault. I still love her." Daniel did not add that they had been forced to kill Sha're to stop the Goa'uld.
"Sarah?" Joshua asked curiously.
Daniel shook his head, "No, Sarah's an old friend, before I met my wife . . ."
"What happened to her?"
"Well Sarah was taken as a host by Osiris . . ." Daniel started.
Joshua interrupted, "No, your wife."
"She tried to kill me and Teal'C was forced to stop her by killing her."
Joshua looked shocked, "Has anyone ever survived with one of these evil symbiotes inside them?"
"Yes, Jack was implanted once by another Goa'uld. And Skaara, and old friend of ours also had the Goa'uld removed."
"How?" Joshua asked.
"The Tok'Ra." Daniel noticed that anger clouded Joshua's face at the mention of them.
"They made me kill her . . ." Joshua said, adding angrily, "And you mean that now I have to trust them with my life?"
Daniel smiled wryly, "No one ever likes trusting the Tok'Ra, especially Jack. But as long as you're here, we'll do what we can to protect you."
Joshua gave a weak smile in reply, "I'm sorry about your wife. And I'm sorry I can't help you find Sarah. I would if I could . . ."
"I know." Daniel said.
"DanielJackson." Teal'C stated entering the room, "GeneralHammond has requested the presence of SG-1. He wishes to discuss the current situation."
Daniel nodded, "I'll be right there, Teal'C," then turned to Joshua. "Trust me. We ARE trying."
***********************
"What planet does Osiris want to go to?" General Hammond asked.
Sam looked uncomfortable, "Sir, it's P4X-0614. They have a pre-industrial civilization, several hundred thousand people live there . . ."
"So Osiris could take a host and enslave the planet." finished Hammond.
"Just great." muttered Jack
"Sir, we can't let him go." Sam said.
"Then what should we do Carter? Kill off Joshua?" asked Jack sarcastically.
"I know it's not an easy choice, but what right do we have to condemn several hundred thousand people - an entire civilization - to save one man?"
"I think we should let him go." Daniel said quietly.
"Dr. Jackson?" General Hammond was visibly surprised by this suggestion from the archaeologist.
"I think that Osiris could lead us to where he's holding Sarah. Maybe then we can rescue her as well."
"How do we know she's even alive?"
Daniel thought a moment, then admitted, "All we have is what Osiris let Joshua see. But he thought he'd have Joshua's body indefinitely, so why would he deceive Joshua?"
"We can't assume anything." Jack said.
"Look, you want to give Joshua a chance. You want the civilization to have a chance. And I want Sarah to have a chance. This way, we can give all three the opportunity to live . . ."
"Do you really think that Osiris would allow us to follow him Daniel?"
"I know it's a bit risky." Daniel paused, "Okay, very risky, but what else can we do? We can't let Osiris just go. We can't just let Joshua die . . ."
"But if we let Osiris go, and we don't go after him, we're responsible for enslaving an entire population." Sam said.
"And if we let Osiris go and we go back on our word and recapture him, we do stand to lose a lot of credibility especially with our allies." General Hammond said.
"And General, exactly when have they been straight with us?" Jack asked. "They're arrogant, pompous, conceited . . ." Jack started.
"And far more advanced." Sam said.
Jack nodded, "Oh yeah, I forgot that one." he paused, "Exactly WHAT would be the problem with backing out of a deal with a honkin' Goa'uld?"
Daniel explained, "Many of our allies would see that as compromising our own moral standards."
"Like I said - arrogant." Jack concluded. "Maybe we should offer to send Osiris to their world and see how well their moral standards hold up?"
General Hammond glared at him.
"It was just a thought."
***********************
"How are you doing?"
Joshua jumped, startled from his train of thought by the question. It was that doctor again - Frasier?
"I'd be doing better if everyone would stop asking me that."
"Okay . . ." Dr. Frasier said. "Your father's worried about you. He asked me to check on you." she offered hesitantly.
"Well he didn't need to . . ." Joshua continued staring at the wall, "I don't want to hurt anyone else. I just want this to stop."
"I know." She put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he didn't move. "Do you want to see your dad? We could put some guards in the room."
"There's no way it could be safe enough." He stopped, "What did you decide in your meeting?" When she didn't respond, he added, "I know that SG-1 and General Hammond were meeting to decide what do with me. What did you decide?"
"I wasn't actually present at that meeting."
"I heard that Osiris wants to enslave several hundred thousand people. That's the price for leaving me."
"I really think you should discuss this with General Hammond . . ."
"Tell me! Because if that's the deal, you can't let him. I can't live with that." Joshua waited for an answer, "Please, tell me." he pleaded.
Finally, Janet nodded, "That's what he wants."
"Then you can't let that happen. I'm already responsible for three deaths. I won't be responsible for more lives . . ."
Janet could plainly see the anguish on the man's face, but also sensed his resolve. He was afraid but determined. And she could see that the thing that concerned him most right now was his father . . . even though he'd said nothing. He was afraid for his father. He's already accepted that his death will probably be necessary. He didn't want to die, but he had come to the conclusion that it was the only way . . .
"We're going to find a way."
"I don't think you will, doctor. I don't think there is a way." His voice was low and calm.
"There is a way." General Hammond spoke, entering the room.
Joshua glanced up, unemotionally, "How?"
"We are going to allow Osiris to leave . . ."
"No! You can't!" Joshua exclaimed.
Daniel stopped Joshua's outburst, "We have a plan. We're going to follow him, hopefully help Sarah too."
"And he won't hurt all those people?"
Jack shook his head, "No."
At this good news, Joshua nearly collapsed, so relieved was he that there was a good solution . . . "When?"
"Right away if you wish." Aldwin said, as he Martouf, and Jacob entered the room.
Joshua looked at them suspiciously, but nodded.
Martouf turned to General Hammond, "High Councilor Per'sus will be coming to help oversee the procedure."
***********************
"What do I do?" Joshua asked as he nervously lay on the table in the infirmary . . .
"Remain calm." Aldwin said, "And still."
Oh gee, that's very comforting
"If you do not relax it will make it difficult for us to do our job." Martouf said gently.
Joshua glanced over at Janet, who had insisted on observing the procedure. He trusted her and the rest of the team SG-1, for some reason. Probably because he had no choice. Because he couldn't trust the Tok'Ra, no matter how much like him one of their number was. She nodded at him.
Okay, relax . . . relax . . . how the heck can I relax?
"Wouldn't it be better if he were sedated?" Dr. Frasier asked.
Normally, Joshua would have been shouting objections but this time, he would welcome the drug. He couldn't relax, couldn't even think about relaxing.
"Perhaps that would be best." Jacob replied, nodding at the doctor.
Janet quickly retrieved a sedative and Joshua felt himself begin to relax as its effects started. When they removed the device controlling Osiris, he felt some initial dull fear, but not the sheer terror that had been present before.
I'm too doped up to care . . .
Osiris' mind brushed his and he felt himself suddenly spinning . . . He tried to scream, but he couldn't. Tried to move, but he was frozen. Panic finally did set in and he felt himself falling into a dark abyss. And the world crashed . . .
***********************
"We have removed the symbiote." Jacob said, exiting the medical bay.
"The Tau'ri will now honor their part of the deal." Per'sus stated, his tone demeaning.
General Hammond nodded, "Major Carter, dial the planet."
"Yes sir."
"How is Joshua?" Jonathan asked.
"He is awake, but unresponsive." Aldwin said.
"What do you mean?"
Janet Frasier exited and spoke, "He's in shock. And while it's not encouraging, I don't think it's surprising either. And I suspect part of it has to do with his state of mind about this incident, namely his guilt."
"He should not blame himself." Martouf said.
"Maybe not." Janet said, "But he does."
"I do not understand. He is not responsible for Anise's death. He is not to blame."
"Well, we less advanced, irrational humans are like that . . ." Jack said sarcastically, "We haven't reduced our minds to pure logic."
Martouf gave him an exasperated stare, "When should he awaken from this state? We do need to ask him some questions to ensure that the procedure was done properly."
"I don't know. It will depend on him. If I had to guess, I'd say you won't be able to ask him anything for at least a week or two."
"That is unacceptable." Aldwin said, "It is imperative that we speak to him now."
"Can that be done by other means?" General Hammond asked.
"If we could bring him back to our base, we have tests there that could tell."
"No!" exclaimed Jonathan, "You've done enough. You're not taking my son anywhere."
"It will insure that he is safe." Jacob said calmly, "No harm will come to him."
"No harm?" Jonathan asked incredulously, "My son is sitting in there because of you! He had the thing in his head because of you! And Osiris killed because of you! You call that 'no harm'??? If you hadn't saved his life, I would kill you for what you've done!"
***********************
Joshua lay staring off into space, totally unmoving, unaware of any activity around him.
"Joshua?" Jonathan called tentatively, but his face remained totally unemotional, eyes not even acknowledging his father.
Aldwin, General Hammond, Jack, and Daniel stood just inside the doorway while Dr. Fraiser stood next to Jonathan. She watched Joshua's blank face, gently touching Jonathan's shoulder.
"What's wrong with him? What did they do to him?" Jonathan whispered softly. "Why is he like this?" He reached out and gently touched the side of Joshua's face. He didn't even move.
Jonathan turned to her, fury on his face, fear in his eyes, "Can you help him?"
"I'll try. I'm going to have to call in some help on his one. I promise you, I'll do everything I can to keep your son safe."
"Oh come on doc, not McKenzie." Jack said from the doorway.
Janet shot him a glare, "McKenzie is the only psychologist qualified to handle this level of security."
Daniel spoke, "Janet, you know he'll say that Joshua is crazy. We're better off trying to help him on our own. Or even letting the Tok'Ra take him to their base than let McKenzie at him."
Janet nodded in agreement, Jonathan glaring at them all in an angry, puzzled stare. "Why don't you all clear out and let me see what I can do . . . if anything."
"I'm staying." Jonathan said.
Janet nodded, "Sit next to him. Talk to him. It might help."
Wordlessly, Jonathan sat next to his son and began talking in a low tone. He didn't really know what he was saying . . . stories from his childhood, Joshua's, how much he loved his son . . . and so on. Janet stood on Joshua's other side, once again checking his vital signs, making sure she'd missed nothing, though she was sure this was psychological.
***********************
Outside the infirmary
"How's he doing?" General Hammond asked as he approached.
Jack turned, "Not too good. Doc Frasier doesn't know if he'll come out of it." Before Hammond could say anything, Jack added, "And we are so not gonna call McKenzie on this one!"
"I think I know someone else who could help him." Daniel said, "But I'll need your permission, General."
Jack turned and quipped, "Since when do you ask permission?"
Daniel rolled his eyes, "Since when do you have the right to ask that question?"
"Since I'm the Colonel!" Jack snapped playfully.
"And since I'm the General, I have the right to tell you to both 'shut up'." Hammond said with a twinkle in his eye. "Now, Dr. Jackson, who did you have in mind?"
"Well, I was thinking . . ."
"Here we go again . . ." Jack muttered. "Don't strain yourself."
Daniel glared at him and Jack shrugged innocently.
"What?? We both do dangerous work. I kick Goa'uld butt and you think . . ."
"Or at least you think about kicking Goa'uld butt . . ." Daniel said, "Anyway . . ."
***********************
Janet saw the crowd at the door and hurried over, so as not to wake Jonathan. He had fallen asleep about an hour earlier, head resting on the edge of the medical table that Joshua lay on. Joshua still had not moved nor acknowledged anyone.
"No change, doc?" Jack asked.
Janet shook her head.
Daniel spoke, "We have an idea. We brought a guest."
Skaara stepped out from behind Daniel at that moment. Janet was surprised but didn't ask any questions as Daniel and Skaara entered the room, heading toward Joshua and Jonathan.
"He was infected by the demon Osiris?" Skaara asked, his face showing his disgust with the concept.
Daniel nodded and spoke softly, "And now he won't talk or even move. We were hoping you could talk to him, since you understand what he's been through."
"I will try."
Daniel gently woke Jonathan and motioned for him to follow, allowing Skaara the ability to speak freely. Jonathan looked confused, and eyed Skaara suspiciously before following. When he got to the doorway he hissed, "What's going on?"
Daniel began to explain . . .
***********************
Skaara wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't a healer, but apparently Dr. Frasier had not been able to help this man. His name was Joshua and he had been taken as a host by Osiris, as Skaara had been by Klo'rel. Daniel had explained that this man's ailment was not physical, but in his mind.
He most likely blamed himself for what had occurred. Skaara had at first, but had come to realize that the self-blame did nothing to help stop the Goa'uld and served only to hinder his life after it was gone. He had seen the horrible things Klo'rel had done and he regretted that his body had been used to further that cause, but he would not accept the blame. He had done his best to fight.
Nor was he a speaker. "My name is Skaara. They asked me to speak to you because I understand what happened to you. It happened to me as well. The demon Klo'rel took me as a host." Skaara began relating his story, describing some of the things Klo'rel had done. "You cannot blame yourself for what the demon did. I learned that . . ."
At that point, Joshua interrupted, "Did your 'demon' ever threaten your father? Did you ever kill a man that looks exactly like you - several times? And the things it said to my father . . . that I hated him . . ." Joshua trailed off.
"You did nothing wrong. I know that, from experience. It wasn't you who killed, or said those things."
Joshua sighed and looked away, "You don't understand."
"No, I do not." Skaara said, obviously confused.
"Part of me actually felt that! There is a part of me that is still angry at my father . . . I never wanted him to know, I knew it would only hurt him." Joshua sat up. "I should have been able to keep that to myself. I didn't try hard enough . . . I should have fought harder . . ."
"It is not possible to hide something from a demon if they wish to know it while they are inside you. All you are able to do is fight them day and night."
Joshua said nothing.
"Daniel and O'Neill need your help. They wish to find Osiris, and save Daniel's friend. They know what planet he is being transported to at this very moment. They need your help."
Joshua still looked uncertain, "How can I help them? They'd be safer going without me. I could cause us to get captured or killed."
"They cannot do it without you."
"How can I focus? I . . ."
"Turn your guilt into anger at Osiris. That will help you to defeat him for now. In time, you will be able to rely on that less and less."
Joshua nodded, "Do you still feel guilt that you could have done more?"
"I will always feel that. But the demon stole my life, and that I will not forget."
***********************
"No!"
"Look, we need his help. We've never been to the planet. And even though the Tok'Ra have, they don't know where Osiris' base is - he does. We need him." Jack said.
"No. You can't take him to that planet again! You're not going to make him relive this experience. Besides, he's still in there, not even acknowledging me! And who exactly is that guy you're letting see him?" Jonathan asked in an accusatory tone.
Daniel responded neutrally, "He's a friend who's been through this. We're hoping he'll be able to help your son."
"And so, in return for helping him, you're going to demand that he go back to the place where that thing invaded his body?" Jonathan paused, taking a deep breath and scowling., "He's not going. I don't understand how you could even think you should be able to use my son!"
"I assure you, that is not our intention, Mr. Doors." General Hammond spoke up, "We are only trying to prevent others from suffering that fate."
"Fine. Do that. Leave my son out of it."
"Look, he's got the information we need to strike another blow to the Goa'uld. You wouldn't understand, but we've been fighting against them . . ." Jack started.
"I know how a resistance movement works, Colonel. I have my own back home." Jonathan snapped.
Jack rolled his eyes.
"I'll go." a voice interrupted. It was steady and clear.
They all turned to see Joshua, Skaara behind him. Anger was etched onto his face, in his eyes.
"Son, you've been through enough already . . . you don't need to do this . . ." Jonathan said softly.
"Yes, I do." each word emphasized, deliberately pronounced. Joshua's face was set, and unemotional.
"I don't mean to be insensitive," Jack said, "But we're leaving in five minutes. Be ready. Meet us in the Gate Room."
"No." Jonathan growled in a low tone.
"He made his decision. We need his help. He's going. Accept it." Jack responded, turning to follow his team out of the room.
Jonathan grabbed his shoulder.
Jack glared at him, and whispered harshly, "If you really cared about your son as much as you say you do, I would think you'd want to get Osiris."
"I do, but not by risking Joshua's life. Would you let your son go, if he were still alive."
A look of shock passed over Jack's eyes at Jonathan's tone and implication, "You have no right to discuss that with me, nor do I need you to judge what kind of father I am, because I have a pretty good idea what kind you are or rather AREN'T. Don't make me say it out loud. Second, have you ever considered that you need to be doing what's best for your son, and not yourself. Have you talked to him at all, asked him what he wants? And would you respect that, even if you disagreed with that?" Jack paused his angry tirade, Jonathan deserved it. He started to leave, but turned to say one thing more, "Do you really love your son? Because I'm not sure he knows."
Jonathan looked far beyond furious, but only murmured, "I'm going too."
"Whoa. Wait just a minute." Jack responded, "You're not."
Jonathan's voice was low and shook with fury, "Like I said, I run a rebellion . . . I know how to fight."
"You're not going to be doing any rebelling with my unit, buddy. You are not going."
"The hell I'm not! He's my son."
"Which is exactly why you shouldn't go."
Jonathan opened his mouth to insult Jack again, but Jack interrupted, "Go talk to your son. If he tells me that he wants you along, you can come, fine. But my suspicion is that he won't want you near this. And I think the reason is obvious."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Jonathan asked harshly.
"You figure it out."
***********************
Jonathan hated to do something that Colonel O'Neill suggested, but he did go to find Joshua. Jack's words stuck with him and he began to wonder if they were true. He did love his son, but was Jack right? Did Joshua really not see that? Jonathan couldn't fathom that . . . parents were supposed to love their children . . . and children were supposed to know that.
Jonathan closed his eyes and sighed. What have I done? He had thought that his relationship with his son had been fixed, but it hadn't been, apparently. Joshua had just learned to control his insecurity better . . . As his father I should have seen it. I should have known . . .. But the fact of the matter was that he had not seen it . . .
Maybe Jack was wrong . . . thought Jonathan had a sneaking suspicion that he was right.
Jonathan turned into the Gate Room and saw Joshua getting ready to go through the Gate. "Joshua, let me go with you."
Joshua shook his head, then turned around. The amount of fury that rested in his eyes surprised Jonathan. Could some of that be aimed at him and not Osiris? "I need to do this myself. I . . . I don't want you there."
Jonathan was hurt by the bluntness of the words, "Joshua, please?" he asked softly.
"No." the tone of the words had turned hostile, so Jonathan just nodded.
"Time to go campers!" Jack called. He glanced at Jonathan who shook his head. "Okay, Marty, you and Mr. Doors can stay here. We'll be back in a couple of hours General."
"Why do I believe it won't be that quick?"
"Awww, maybe it's our talent for coming back a bit late . . ."
"More likely, Colonel, it's your habit of coming back right before I shut out your codes . . ."
"That could be it too, Sir." Jack said as Teal'C and Carter entered the Gate. Daniel and Jacob went next. Behind them, Joshua stared at the Gate in fascination mixed with fear.
Aldwin came up beside him, "It will not harm you. It's quite safe." Aldwin extended his hand into the Gate, and then brought it out again. Joshua cautiously did the same. Then, without a look back, he stepped though into the unknown.
***********************
Joshua stepped out of the Gate and immediately fell. The unfamiliar sensation had thrown him off balance though apparently, the others were used to it. As he stumbled to his feet, Aldwin and Jack exited the Gate.
After insuring that no welcoming party was there to greet them, Jack turned to him, "Do you know where we need to go from here?"
Joshua didn't seem to hear, appeared to be almost in a trance.
"Joshua?"
Aldwin motioned Jack to silence, as Joshua started to move, following his memories. Of course they had been through the eyes of a Goa'uld, so Joshua wasn't certain of the path.
Joshua finally stopped about ten minutes later, and looked puzzled. "I don't know where to go from here. I can't remember any more."
"Close your eyes and picture what you saw when you came here before." instructed Aldwin.
Joshua nodded, took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"What do you see?"
"Okay, we came up this hill . . ."
"We who?" Jack asked.
"Osiris, me, his Jaffa."
Aldwin glared at Jack for interrupting, "Concentrate. What else do you see?"
Joshua shook his head, "I don't think I remember that. All I remember were the Jaffa."
"Well, why don't we continue on? Perhaps your memory will return." Jacob suggested.
Jack glanced behind them, "Let's . . ."
At the top of the hill, Joshua stopped, and took two steps back. Jack immediately saw the reason for his distress, "Great. You remembered the Jaffa just right . . . ."
***********************
Jack could tell from their stance that the Jaffa had been expecting someone. Quickly, the team backed up, finding some kind of cover. Jack hissed softly, "Daniel, see if you can get back to the Gate. Tell Hammond we're pinned down. Take Joshua with you."
Daniel picked up his zat gun and nodded, tapping Joshua on the shoulder, and sneaking out of there as the firefight started.
Jack and Sam had their guns ready, Teal'C had his staff, and both Tok'Ra had already pulled their zat guns as well.
"Have you got an extra?" Joshua asked Aldwin. Aldwin nodded wordlessly and handed him a zat gun, quickly showing him how to fire it.
"I thought I told you to go back to the Gate with Daniel."
"Not exactly." Joshua said.
"This isn't the time for word games. Get out of here!"
"No. You need my help. I'm not going to let Osiris get away this time."
"Fine. Just make sure you don't get yourself killed. Like you said, we need your help." Jack said, no longer in a position to argue. He cursed as one of the Jaffa's shots nearly hit him.
"Sir, there's no way to get them all." Sam said.
"I am in agreement, O'Neill. We must leave."
"Why the heck do you think I sent Daniel back to the Gate?" Jack shouted over the weapons fire.
At that moment a shot whizzed between Joshua and Aldwin, burning the side of Aldwin's face. Joshua immediately ducked down and knelt next to him, "Are you okay?"
"I will be fine." Aldwin replied, sitting up.
Without warning, the fire ceased, startling them all.
Jack cautiously peeked his head over the wall they had crouched behind, no longer much of a wall actually.
"Sir!" Sam called, as the sound of several staff weapons getting ready to fire echoed in his ears.
Jack turned to see the six Jaffa that had evidently circled behind them.
"Osiris has given us orders. He wishes to be returned to his rightful host," The Jaffa glanced a moment at both Joshua and Aldwin.
Neither moved. But Joshua could feel the hatred, fear, and anger boiling up inside . . . He would never go back. NEVER.
The Jaffa continued, "And he wishes me to bring the one called Daniel Jackson to him. Which of you is he?"
Jack said sarcastically, "He isn't here."
"Then where is he?" asked the Jaffa in an uncompromising tone. When Jack didn't answer, he added, "Take them." indicating Joshua and Aldwin. "Kill the rest, unless they wish to tell us where their comrade is . . ."
The other Jaffa immediately grabbed both. Joshua remained surprisingly calm outwardly. But his mind had gone blank with terror and panic. He had to think . . . there had to be a way out of this. He glanced at Aldwin, then at Jack, wondering who was going to blink here . . . then he could decide what he was going to do.
To Joshua's surprise, Jack simply shrugged calmly and said, "Okay, I give. I'll tell ya."
The Jaffa grinned evilly. Apparently the Tau'ri were not as resilient as Osiris had led him to believe.
"He's behind you."
Before the Jaffa could even turn around, he and two of his companions slumped to the ground unconscious from the three figures standing behind them holding zat guns -- Daniel, Martouf, and Jonathan.
Jack lunged at one of the others, and Joshua jumped at one of the Jaffa who had been holding him, while Martouf zatted the third that remained conscious. Both Jack and Joshua suffered a few blows before anyone managed to zat the rest of them.
"Good timing, Daniel." Jack said, gasping to catch his breath. Sam nodded her thanks as well.
"Everyone ok?" Jack asked. Everyone nodded slowly. "Okay, we need to move fast if we're going to get Osiris."
Jonathan glanced at Joshua in concern, but said nothing.
"He will be fine." Aldwin said in a low voice. "Right now it is best if he focuses."
Without another word, the group cautiously started off across the same area, the same hill, but thankfully not the same or any Jaffa.
"That's odd." Jack muttered, and motioned for Teal'C to take point. He dropped back to the rear, and immediately noticed the pained look on Joshua's face. He whispered, low enough that no one heard, "You ok?"
Joshua nodded, "The Jaffa got in a few good punches."
Jack stopped him, "How bad is it?"
"My arm's bruised up. No big deal."
"Is that really all? Because I don't need to find out in the middle of a firefight that you have a broken arm or something. We need you here. You aren't going back. I just need to know what my resources are. Now is the arm broken?"
Joshua finally nodded, "I think so. It doesn't hurt that bad, though."
"Right." Jack said. "Stay close."
Joshua nodded.
***********************
The group continued walking for about an hour, not speaking, and seeing not one living soul.
"This isn't the right way." Joshua said, breaking the silence. "I've never been here before."
"Where do we need to go?" Jacob asked.
Joshua nodded in the direction, not wanting to be obvious about his injury. He ignored the concerned glance his father offered. For the last hour he had refused to even look at him. Joshua didn't want to see the concern in his eyes. He didn't deserve it. Currently, he hated himself, partly because, truth be told, he still had a problem with his father. He was also afraid that Jonathan would hate him too - for the things he had said, the things he felt . . . And an enormous sense of guilt weighed heavily on his mind.
The things Osiris had made him say . . . he was such a horrible person. It wasn't right to hate his father like he did . . . And Osiris had made things plain. What he had thought were simply reservations, cautiousness in the relationship, was really a kind of hatred he had never thought himself capable of . . .
Skaara had tried to convince him that it wasn't his anger or his hatred, but Osiris'. However, Joshua couldn't accept that. It was too easy a solution, too simple, too convenient to be true.
***********************
Joshua continued to lead the way, his mind still on his guilt.
"It will become dark soon. We should head back to the Gate."
"We can't!" Joshua cried.
"We also can't afford to stuck out here in the open come nightfall." Jack said. "And we have to have time to get back to the Gate."
A few minutes after that, Jack knew they were going to be cutting it close anyway, but they needed to go now. "Okay, we're heading back now. We will probably come back tomorrow, but we have to go now." With that, he quashed all of Joshua's protests.
It took them a full hour, but they reached the Gate before dusk had totally fallen. Relieved, Jack had Daniel dial the Gate. Only then did Jack realize that one of their number was missing. He cursed, "I should have known, should have watched him more closely. The idiot!" he muttered.
Jack motioned Teal'C over, "Teal'C, Joshua wandered off. I want you to take everyone else through, and make sure that Mr. Doors goes first. I do NOT want him here. I'm going to see if I can find Joshua. Tell Hammond I'll be there ASAP."
Teal'C nodded.
"I'll join you, Colonel." Aldwin said, tone low.
Jack nodded, "Fine." he said as the Gate flashed open. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw Jonathan step through, followed by Daniel, Sam, Martouf, Jacob and finally Teal'C, who turned and nodded at him before entering the Gate.
***********************
General Hammond greeted the team with the question, "Where's Colonel O'Neill?"
At the same time, Jonathan asked, "Where's Joshua?"
"We believe that just prior to reaching the gate, JoshuaDoors wandered off in search of Osiris. O'Neill and Aldwin have remained to retrieve him." explained Teal'C.
Jonathan angrily turned to Teal'C, "And why didn't you bother to mention this?"
Teal'C calmly responded, "O'Neill felt it would be more productive if you remained here."
"What?!" Jonathan exploded.
"Mr. Doors, may I speak with you a moment?" Jacob asked.
Jonathan glared, but nodded.
***********************
"I believe if we retrace our footsteps, down the path he led us, that we should find him."
"Good." Jack sighed, "That's the only place I know to look. I'm just hoping he'll avoid the Jaffa this time."
They heard some shouting in the distance, and Jack groaned.
"Apparently not." Aldwin observed.
Both broke into a run.
"What does he think he's doing?"
"He is attempting to appease his guilt." Aldwin explained.
"Being stupid ain't the best way to do that."
"I am not judging his actions, Colonel. Merely explaining his reasoning."
"Well, I AM judging his actions. And when we get him, I'm planning to tell him EXACTLY what I think of them!"
***********************
Joshua glared at both the Colonel and the Tok'Ra. "I told you, we can't leave yet."
"And I told you, what you're doing is stupid and selfish and . . ."
"Colonel, I'm only . . ."
Jack snapped, "I didn't say it wasn't understandable! It was that -- understandable, and stupid. But you need to get a grip! If we hadn't been there to help you zat those Jaffa, you'd be in Osiris' hands right now!"
"I know that. And thank you for what you did . . ."
"I know you've been through a lot . . ." Jack started.
"You don't know the half of it, Colonel," Joshua said sarcastically, "And you conned me into coming here, remember?"
Jack glared at him for a long moment. "Well we have a small problem. We can't go back to the Gate tonight, it's too dark, we have no night gear, and there's a camp of Jaffa somewhere between us and it. So basically, thanks to you, we're stuck here for the night."
Aldwin spoke up before Joshua could snap at Jack. "I saw a cave a short way back. Perhaps that would be an adequate spot?"
Jack picked up his gun, "It'll have to do." He turned to Joshua, "You go first."
"Colonel, I won't . . ."
"I don't care if you say you won't run off again. I'm going to make sure you don't, because I'd like to get home as soon as we can see . . ."
Joshua gave an exasperated sigh, but relented, knowing that he couldn't argue with Jack.
Aldwin had been right. They reached the cave about ten minutes later.
"Now sit down and let me have a look at your arm." ordered Jack, "Oh yeah, it's definitely broken. And you've been walking around with this? You ran off by yourself to look for Osiris like this?" Jack asked incredulously. "You ARE an idiot!"
Jack quickly made a sling for the arm. When he was done, he sat back, "Since you're not going to be useful, why don't you get some sleep?"
Joshua didn't look at him.
"Hey, what's up?" Jack asked, "What's wrong?"
"You are crying." observed Aldwin.
"I'm fine." Joshua said, still not looking at them.
"You're not." Jack said, "Now spill it."
Joshua scowled, and paused a moment. Jack wondered if he would speak, but finally he did, "What does my father think of me?"
Jack nodded, realizing the problem. He had known this would come up, sooner or later. "He cares about you . . . he's been concerned about you . . ."
"Maybe so." Joshua nodded, "But he doesn't love me . . . I've never been the son he wanted . . ." Joshua spared a glance at Aldwin, "If he could, he'd rather have you as his son. You might as well go back to my universe and just leave me here." Joshua gave a short laugh, "How could he love me? After what I've said and done, how could anyone?"
"It was not . . ." Aldwin began.
"My fault." finished Joshua sarcastically, "Right. None of this is my fault at all . . . Well, you know what? That's a bunch of crap. I was angry at my father."
"That doesn't mean you wanted to hurt or kill him." Jack objected.
"What if I did?"
"Do you honestly believe that?"
"Maybe I do." Joshua looked up at Jack, "And I shouldn't expect him to love me, because I even hate myself. I'm selfish and a complete and utter failure."
"Look, I know my opinion of your lovely remarks doesn't matter, so I'm not going to bother to give it."
"Wise idea." Joshua said sarcastically.
"But . . . you OWE it to your father to tell him this - if for no other reason than he's your father."
Joshua nodded, "Fine." He then scowled at Jack and leaned back against the cave wall.
Much to his surprise, he woke the next morning at dawn. He had amazingly fallen asleep. He looked around and saw that both Jack and Aldwin appeared to be dozing on opposite sides of the mouth of the cave.
Joshua sighed heavily and leaned back again. As much as he was tempted . . . he had said he wouldn't leave again. Suddenly he heard a sniffing noise behind him. And as far as he could recall they hadn't checked the cave out . . . it had been too dark to do anything. This could be a bad thing. He started to turn around slowly. Then suddenly his face was wet.
"Disgusting." Joshua said as the creature continued to lick his face. It looked like a miniature bear. Joshua scooted back away from it but the creature followed. The second time he scooted back he hit Jack, who jerked awake, startling the creature.
"It will not harm you." Aldwin said.
"But it won't leave you alone either."
The creature looked at Jack and Joshua cautiously, then scampered over to Aldwin and began licking the Tok'Ra on the face too.
"Awwwww," Jack said sarcastically, "How cute! A Tok'Ra and his teddy bear."
Joshua grinned, but Aldwin didn't look very amused as the creature kept licking his face.
"I do not find this amusing."
***********************
An hour later, the trio started back to the Gate. Joshua's arm was in the makeshift sling, but he carried a gun in his other hand. Jack led the way. And Aldwin walked behind Joshua. Bringing up the rear was the miniature bear, who to Aldwin's annoyance, insisted upon following at the Tok'Ra's heels. He had been forced to endure innumerable comments from Colonel O'Neill about not forgetting his 'teddy bear'.
Finally Aldwin commented, "I do find the human concept of a teddy bear to be fascinating, though not all humans actually have a teddy bear as their object of security."
Joshua nodded, "Some babies have a security blanket, a pacifier, anything that makes them feel safer."
"Then I submit Colonel, that perhaps you are worse off than you accuse me of being, with a gun as your pacifier."
At hearing this unusual unTok'Ra-ish comment, Jack stopped in his tracks, a look of surprise and shock on his face. Aldwin merely continued walking and Joshua was doing his best, trying not to laugh.
They reached the Gate a short time later, and Joshua found that he was glad to be leaving this place . . . even though they had not gotten Osiris . . . yet . . .
***********************
When they stepped through into the SGC, they found a general, a major, two doctors, two Tok'Ra and one billionaire staring at them, waiting for an explanation.
"I thought you told Teal'C you wouldn't be long, Colonel." General Hammond said.
"Well, you know how it is General . . ."
"Allow me to guess." Jacob said smiling, "You ran into the three little bears . . . and that is baby bear."
The trio turned, "He wasn't supposed to follow us through." Jack said, "But ya, I guess that works for me." Jack paused, "He's been following us for a long time. I think he likes Aldwin . . . Doesn't it look just like a Tok'Ra's teddy bear . . ."
Aldwin shot Jack a look of complete exasperation. Jacob barely suppressed his grin. Even Martouf looked amused.
Sam interrupted, "I think we need to work on a way to get you home. We don't know the affects, if any if you remain here for an extended period of time."
"We don't even know what caused us to come here in the first place." Jonathan said.
"Well you described your portal system to me . . . it sounds like it's similar to the StarGates, except that the Gates, at least structurally, aren't quite as advanced, and the dialing sequence is different."
Jonathan nodded, "So . . . what are you saying?"
"Normally, because the systems are in two different dimension, they wouldn't interfere, but this time they did."
"Why?" General Hammond asked.
"My guess would be that perhaps the StarGate experienced an energy spike that coincided with the frequency of the energy in the portal system, causing a disruption, and then cross-dimensional transportation."
Jonathan understood, "So if we can configure your Gate to emit that level of energy . . ."
"Then you can go home." Sam finished.
"I'm familiar with the portal system. I can help you." Jonathan offered.
Sam nodded, "Okay, let's get to work. Dad, are you going to help?"
"I'll be there in a few minutes, Sam." Jacob said.
General Hammond spoke, "Get to work, Major Carter. Colonel O'Neill, Aldwin, I'd like to speak with both of you a moment about your little side trip."
"Certainly, sir." Jack said.
"And the 'teddy bear' you decided to bring back." finished Hammond.
"Hey, it isn't mine." Jack held his hands up.
Aldwin glared at Jack, but followed as they left for Hammond's office.
"May I speak with you a moment?"
Joshua turned to see the speaker. It was one of the Tok'Ra - Jacob. "What is it?" They began to walk down one of the hallways.
"I know that you're angry with your father. And I cannot pretend to know the reason. But I have been where he is now. My son and I were estranged for a long time."
"May I ask why?" Joshua asked, not entirely sure he should.
Jacob paused a moment, "Mark, my son, blamed me for the death of his mother and my wife. She was killed in a car wreck, because she took a cab after I was late picking her up. I was working. I never meant to let work get in the way of my family. I was only trying to give them a better life . . . because I loved them. Thankfully, both Sam and Mark have forgiven me. I'll tell you the truth. The scariest thing for me would have been to die before that happened. I don't think I could have forgiven myself."
"It's not that I can't forgive him. I can't forgive myself, and I don't know how he could . . ."
"Your father does love you. He just doesn't know how to show it." Jacob said. "He doesn't know what you're feeling."
"If he really loved me, he would find a way." Joshua said with conviction.
"Maybe he's afraid that you'll pull away more, if he pushes."
"Or maybe he's just afraid that he'd have to accept someone who wasn't the perfect son . . ."
"I'm not here to argue with you, but you should at least talk to him."
"What if it's not as simple as you say?" Joshua challenged.
"What if it is?" Jacob asked simply. At that, he left Joshua to his own thoughts.
***********************
"That's it?" Sam asked.
Jonathan nodded, "That's the energy level the Gate needs to reach." He paused, "How soon can we leave?"
Jacob studied the display, "Now that we know what we're shooting for, not long. Probably in about an hour."
"Then let's get to work." Jonathan said.
About half an hour later, Jonathan felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and sighed. He really did not feel like dealing with Colonel Jack O'Neill right now.
"I need to talk to you."
"I'm busy." Jonathan said dismissively.
Jack rolled his eyes, "That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about." Jack grabbed his arm. "Come on." Finally, out side the room, Jack launched into the speech that Jonathan had expected. "You can't bury yourself in your work. I know why you do it . . ."
"Do what, Colonel? I love my son and it's ridiculous to say that he doesn't know that. I know I work too much, but still . . ."
Jack didn't try to argue back, "All I'm saying is that you need to talk to him. If you don't -- you're going to lose him. It's that simple. There now, that wasn't so hard to listen to, was it?" Jack asked sarcastically, turning and leaving Jonathan standing there.
***********************
One Hour Later
It had taken longer than expected, but they had managed to align the energy signatures.
"Well, looks like you're ready to go." Sam commented.
"It'll be good to get back home . . . especially after this mess . . . no offense intended." Jonathan said.
"None taken." Sam grinned.
"I need to find my son . . ."
"I shall locate him for you." offered Aldwin, who was actually carrying around the 'baby bear' until he could be returned to its environment.
Jonathan nodded as Aldwin left. It took Aldwin several minutes to locate Joshua, but eventually found him in the office of Dr. Daniel Jackson, watching with mild interest as the archaeologist explained an artifact.
Aldwin stepped into the office, but neither acknowledged his presence. Daniel was focused on whatever he was explaining - it appeared to be of Goa'uld origin, whatever it was . . . and Joshua looked as if he couldn't decide whether to be totally fascinated or bored to tears.
'Baby bear' squealed and both Daniel and Joshua jumped, then relaxed when they realized what the noise was.
Daniel grinned, "Is Jack still teasing you about that thing?"
The bear leaped from Aldwin's arms onto Daniel's desk and began dancing excitedly. This, of course, caused a cascade of paper . . .
"Indeed." Aldwin stated stoicly, as the 'bear' began chasing its own tail like a dog would . . . "It has become most . . ." the Tok'Ra trailed off, searching for a word.
"Irritating?" suggested Joshua.
"That will suffice."
Daniel's eyes lit up with excitement. "Interested in having a little fun?"
Joshua grinned, "You're mean!"
"Me? Mean?" Daniel grinned back, "Well, Jack's been on Aldwin's case since he got back and I'd wager it was worse before the three of you returned . . . so . . ."
"In other words, you want to play a prank and now is the perfect excuse . . ."
"Precisely."
Aldwin raised an eyebrow. "What are you suggesting?"
***********************
Gateroom
"Colonel O'Neill?" General Hammond called.
"Yes sir?"
"Because the creature has adjusted so quickly and might not know how to take care of itself, we've decided to keep the baby bear."
"Are you sure that's wise, Sir?"
"Of course. The Tok'Ra agree that you'll make a great caretaker for it."
"Indeed." Aldwin stated, "Dr. Jackson also thought it might be helpful for you to 'mellow out' a bit. We took the liberty of preparing it's sleeping place at your home . . ."
"You left it loose at my house?"
"Dr. Jackson and Aldwin felt a teddy bear might do you some good." General Hammond said.
For the first time in a long time, Joshua found himself laughing, really laughing at the expression on Jack's face. It was a shame that he had to leave these people behind and return to his life . . . they had been so accepting, so helpful, so caring . . . not the phony crap he was used to getting. And there was little hope that the situation between him and his father would get fixed - any time soon anyway . . . He contemplated asking to stay, but they couldn't afford to take the chance of messing with different dimensions. So he merely nodded a goodbye and stepped through the Gate . . .
***********************
EFC Universe
1 Week Later
Jonathan entered his house to some thankful peace and quiet. The last week had been more than hectic. He had spent it explaining what had happened, or rather a 'version' of what happened (which wasn't exactly the truth either). The media had been having a field day with this -- billionaire and son go missing . . .
Jonathan had managed to shield Joshua from the media again, with the help of his new bodyguard. Jonathan had told Liam and Renee the truth, but beyond that - no one knew.
His global beeped and he picked it up. "Wyatt? What's wrong? Has something happened to Joshua?"
Joshua's bodyguard looked worried, "I can't find him."
Suddenly, memories came back to Jonathan and he realized what had happened. "Wyatt, I think I know where he is . . . I'll take care of it."
"Are you sure, Jonathan?"
"Yeah . . ." He closed the global and hurried away. Ten minutes later, he proved that his hunch was right.
Joshua was seated in front of his mother's grave, tears ran down his face but he merely sat there.
"All I'm saying is that you need to talk to him. If you don't -- you're going to lose him. It's that simple."
Before he could speak, Joshua glanced up at him. Without saying a word, he then got up and started to walk out of the cemetery.
Was it too late?
Jonathan didn't know . . . and he didn't go after Joshua. Instead, he got in his car and drove home and to the guesthouse to wait for his son . . . And he didn't have too long to wait either. Joshua came in shortly and ignored him, making his way to the kitchen to fix something to eat.
"I thought maybe we could go out to eat tonight." Jonathan began.
"I'd rather eat alone."
"Wyatt said you ran off . . . I was worried about you."
"Nice. So you're training my bodyguards as spies now . . ."
"Joshua . . ."
"Look, I don't need a bodyguard. I don't need you to spy on me, I don't need your help and I don't need you. Tomorrow I'm going to move into an apartment and then you can do whatever you want with this and stay out of my life . . ." Joshua moved to exit the room.
Jonathan stopped him, "No. You're not leaving - not like this."
"Just leave me alone. You know what? Even though Mom's dead, at least I can say I had a mom . . . but I've never had a dad. Never."
Jonathan controlled his reaction - barely, "Son, I thought we had this resolved."
"Yeah, well, maybe I lied . . . Get out and leave me alone."
"No. I'm not leaving until we get this resolved and neither are you." Jonathan said. "No matter how long it takes - I'm not going to make the same mistake again."
"Now that would be a first." Joshua said sarcastically, "You've only made that mistake a thousand times before . . ." he paused, "So 'Dad', how do we fix this?"
"I don't know, but I can't let this go on any longer . . . Help me out here Joshua . . . What do you need?"
Joshua said nothing, but turned to look at his father in amazement.
Jonathan continued, "I don't know what to do . . . Son, I wish I did. And it hurts me a lot to know that I've hurt you. I do love you Joshua. I know I don't show it but I do. I could never hate you for what Osiris made you say. I know that wasn't you. Yes, I know that some of the emotion was there, but it was perverted, warped, and not you."
Joshua was now sitting, staring at the floor. "Dad, all I've ever wanted is for you to be there for me . . . to be proud of me . . . to love me for who I am. I feel like . . ."
"What?" Jonathan's face was intensely concerned.
"Like I'm not the son you wanted . . ."
"You are. That's why I love you so much . . ." Jonathan said.
"You do?" Joshua looked at him quizzically, studying his face, looking for a hint of deception.
"Yes." Jonathan said simply.
"Really?"
"Yes." Jonathan placed a hand on Joshua's shoulder, "Yes. And I always will . . ."
Joshua buried his head in his hands, "I'm sorry Dad, I'm so sorry . . ."
"Josh. Don't." He pulled Joshua into a hug. "It's going to be okay. We're going to be okay."
***********************
The End!!!
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A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
From the Ashes
by KaraBKapitel Bemerkung:
EFC Spoilers: One Taelon Avenue (but I'm presuming certain deaths did not happen)StarGate Spoilers: Jolinar's Memories, The Devil You Know, Absolute Power
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