Daniel ran reverent fingers along the the shelf of scrolls, each rolled tightly in its own niche. The library here on P2X-518 was bigger than any other he'd seen off-world. He'd found parchment scrolls, wax and stone tablets, massive leather-bound volumes with metal clasps, modern books bound in a slick, plastic-like material, and even a few Goa'uld tablets with automatic page-turners. Happily, Sam's meeting with this planet's scientists to discuss their intriguing research in perturbative quantum field theory promised to keep her busy for hours. Jack had grudgingly allowed Daniel to spend the time browsing until it was time to leave.
As he turned into the next aisle, he saw the head librarian, a short woman with intelligent eyes peering out of a wizened face. She wore the same quasi-uniform that most people on the planet seemed to prefer, but oddly enough, her feet were encased in the local equivalent of carpet slippers. She had just finished easing a heavy volume back onto its shelf, but now she turned to Daniel with a pleasant smile.
"Did you want something specific, honored patron?"
Daniel considered this. "I know your planet has had dealings with the Goa'uld in the past. Do you have any reference works that describe that era?" That should make Jack happy, anyway.
The librarian rolled her eyes ceiling-ward, finger tapping on her chin as she considered. "Yes, honored patron, we do. One moment, and I'll retrieve them for you."
"Oh, I can get them myself," Daniel assured her. He enjoyed wandering past the different aisles; looking for the books would be part of the fun. "If you could just direct me to the right shelf...?"
She looked a little dubious, but gave him rapid directions to a section of the library. He repeated them aloud, thanked her, and headed off.
Daniel tried not to get too sidetracked as he passed by enticing shelves of massive tomes and tiny pamphlets. The white noise of heavy silence reduced itself to a vague hiss after a while, although he sometimes thought he could hear the faint sound of rustling and scratching somewhere in the distance. He stopped at one point to listen to something that sounded very much like an irritated rattle, but when it didn't repeat itself, he continued on his way.
After nearly ten minutes of walking, Daniel began to feel a little concerned. Surely the building wasn't this large, was it? Perhaps he ought to go back and ask the librarian to help him after all.
When he stopped and turned around, though, he stared. The library appeared to have changed. Instead of slightly threadbare carpet, the floor had somehow morphed into gleaming marble, shot with red and yellow veins. The shelves were suddenly towering high over his head, the heavy books firmly chained into place. How could this be? He broke into a run, anxious to find his way back to the library entrance.
But when he rounded the corner, he skidded to a halt and gaped.
A large, red-haired ape was balanced high on a shelf, thoughtfully eating a bag of peanuts as it ran a leathery finger along the parchment it was clearly reading. It looked down at Daniel with a polite, inquiring expression, although Daniel was not quite sure how he could tell.
For long moments, man and ape stared at one another. Finally, Daniel said, "If you're a Furling, Jack is never going to let me live this down."
"Ook," the creature replied sympathetically.
***
He'd been worried about trying to explain the odd turn of events to the natives, but it had turned out to be easier than he'd expected. As soon as he mentioned that his friend had been studying quantum field theory, the frowning expressions turned from hostile doubt to airy dismissal.
"Oh, quantum." Arch-Chancellor Ridcully waved a hand. "That explains it. You should have said."
Oddly enough, despite the pointy hats and long robes, Daniel felt at home in Unseen University. The squabbling, petty sniping, and rambling irrelevancies took him right back to his days in academia. Wizards or professors didn't really make much difference, although this preoccupation with magic was rather...
Daniel bit his tongue to stop himself from quoting Arthur C. Clarke. He was used to human slaves mistaking Goa'uld technology for magic, but the emphasis was clearly different here. And since he had just seen Ridcully idly conjure a fireball and hurl it at the Senior Wrangler in order to shut him up, he wasn't really sure it would be safe to challenge the concept. Besides, the Librarian of this university was an orangutan. (Not a monkey, he'd been quietly advised by no less than three of the wizards.) Considering that Daniel suddenly found himself oddly capable of understanding a language that seemed to consist entirely of Ook, he felt that it might be best not to argue.
The most practical wizard seemed to be the youngest faculty member, a thin-faced, bespectacled fellow with a very earnest stare. If anyone here was actually going to help Daniel get back home, it would probably involve Ponder Stibbons and something he called Hex. Daniel was sorry he couldn't somehow introduce Ponder to Sam; the two of them would either get along splendidly or blow up random planets... or possibly both.
When it became apparent that it would take Ponder some time to find a solution to the problem, the wizards invited Daniel to lunch.
"Feeling a mite peckish," the Dean confessed. "Been almost an hour since our last meal, dontcha know."
Daniel eyed the Dean's massive form, built along the same lines as the rest of the faculty. He was used to sampling native cuisine, of course. Now, though, he thought of the apparent reality of magic on this planet and wondered if he should take the common myths of consuming fairy food in enchanted lands a little more seriously than usual.
"I have my own food, thank you," he said politely, although he supposed that the wizards wouldn't consider ration bars to be more than a minor snack. "Perhaps just a glass of water?"
"Certainly!"
What they brought him was... wet. Daniel could say that much with certainty, even if he couldn't say anything else. It did slosh a bit when he cautiously tipped the glass, although some of it clung to the side. He eyed it carefully, wondering if he was imagining that some of it was trying to climb over the rim.
"I, ah, have these tablets I need to add to my drinking water," he murmured diplomatically. "A sort of.. vitamin. For my health." Under the circumstances, it wasn't even a lie.
"Vitamins," Ridcully nodded wisely. "Smart chap."
Daniel fished a water purification tablet out of his vest pocket and dropped it into the glass.
It went gloop.
Then it exploded.
When the excitement was over and the last bits of glass had been cleared away, the Chair of Indefinite Studies kindly offered a handkerchief to dab at the shallow cuts on Daniel's hand. He didn't seem to mind that Daniel preferred his own sterile bandages, with that particular emphasis on sterile.
The sun was slanting toward evening (or the Rim, as the Dean had casually mentioned, and Daniel had very deliberately decided not to ask) when Ponder returned, looking a little embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, Doctor Jackson," he apologized, "but Hex says that the Librarian is the only one who can get you back home. I was hoping we could try a little directional magic, but there's too much quantum involved to risk it."
"I... see," said Daniel, who didn't. He turned to the Librarian, who had largely ignored the proceedings. "Librarian, can you help me find my way back to where I came from?"
The Librarian gave an elaborate shrug. With his shoulders, it seemed to be the only shrug he knew how to make. "Ook," he replied.
"Oh, good," Daniel sighed. "Thank you. Ah... No time like the present?"
The Librarian nodded and took Daniel by the hand. It felt like a very soft, very old glove.
"Goodbye, then," Daniel said over his shoulder as the Librarian led him deeper into the stacks. "It was very nice to meet you."
The wizards were already arguing about something else and barely gave him a distracted wave.
As the Librarian guided him through dim aisles lined with angrily-rattling grimoires, Daniel said, "You could've taken me home anytime, couldn't you? But you had to go along with them and wait until they admitted it themselves."
The orangutan curled his lip back from impressive yellow teeth in a disdainful smile.
"I've had to deal with faculty members like that myself in the past. Some of my current colleagues can be a little blind about the important things, too. How do you manage to cope so well?"
The Librarian rolled his eyes. "Ook," he said emphatically.
Daniel considered this. "Huh. Good point."
Things got a little blurred for a while, but the Librarian finally stopped and pointed to a branching aisle. Daniel peered ahead and smiled. Faded carpet, cherry-red wooden shelving. Yes, that looked right.
"Thank you," he said warmly, shaking the Librarian's hand.
"Ook," the ape returned, and pressed a small token into Daniel's hand before swinging away.
Daniel looked down at the parting gift. It was a slightly overripe banana.
He walked back into the library on P2X-518. After half a dozen steps, he glanced back. He was unsurprised to see that only regular shelves stretched behind him, with no sign of any mysterious kinks in space to lead him to another world.
He reached the end of the aisle and found himself near the reference desk. Jack was there, talking to the head librarian and looking irritated. Daniel glanced at his watch and saw that he'd been gone for just over four hours.
"There you are!" Jack exclaimed, catching sight of him. "Carter finished that meeting half an hour ago. Where were you?"
Daniel licked his lips and mentally cataloged all the possible answers, trying to ignore the librarian's faintly knowing smile.
"I got a little lost among the shelves," he said finally, hoping that Jack wouldn't question the banana.
It was technically true, anyway.
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