Alone
Alone
by Chana
Title: Alone
Author: Chana
Email: fire_chana@yahoo.co.uk
Category: Angst
Episode related: 503 Ascension
Season: Season 5
Pairing: Sam/Other
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Everything has consuquences
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
She turned and locked the door before throwing her coat in the corner. She barely felt the hard wood behind her back as she slid down the door to land in a heap at the bottom. It hurt so much. She hadn't felt like this since she'd been forced to kill Martouf, and now it was worse. She stared at something no-one else could see, and was lost to everyone, though no-one was there.
Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance,
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason to feel not good enough,
And it's hard at the end of the day
~*~
He had believed in her, trusted her, and she hadn't been able to save him. Like so many others that she had let down over the past years.
~*~
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release,
Memories seep through my veins
They may be empty, oh and weightless then maybe,
I'll find some peace tonight.
~*~
She pulled herself up, using the wall as an anchor in a steadily changing world. Memories flashed in front of her eyes of Orlin standing next to her, opposite her and watching her wherever she went. Tears silently slipped down her face, the only outward sign of the inner pain and turmoil.
~*~
In the arms of the Angel, far away from here
From this dark, cold, motel room,
And the airlessness that you feel.
You were brought from the wreckage, of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel,
May you find some comfort here.
~*~
When he had told her that he was mortal, human, she felt hope grow that he would be okay, could learn to live on Earth within the SGC. Teal'c had done it, and Orlin was already more human than Teal'c was, but the Pentagon had had other idea's.
~*~
So tired of the straight line, when everywhere you turn,
There's vultures and thieves at your back
Still keep on trusting, keep on building the lies,
That you make up for all that you lack
~*~
She could see the Colonel's face as he turned away from her and looked at the floor, not able to face her as she found out that they had been watching her all the time. General Hammond and everyone she trusted had let her down so badly, she had no-one to turn to and the SGC was completely alien to her as she had walked down its grey corriders after returning from Velenthia.
~*~
Don't make no difference, escape one last time,
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, all this glorious sadness,
That brings me to my knees
~*~
As she'd watched the blood drain from his body, she could see the pain and fear in his eyes. And when he'd touched her face there had been something else, something she'd seen before in Colonel O'Neill's eyes, something which had been slightly reflected in her own. When the rest of Sg-1 found her, they all saw her tear stained face, and while Teal'c leant her his gentle support, and Daniel gave her his sympathy without saying a word, Colonel O'Neill had turned away, unable to witness her pain at Orlin's death, unable to realise what it meant. And that had hurt more than anything else during this whole saga.
~*~
In the arms of the Angel, far away from here,
From this dark, cold, motel room
And the airlessness that you feel.
You were brought from the wreckage, of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel,
May you find some comfort here
In the arms of the Angel,
May you find some comfort here.
~*~
~*~ `Angel' by Sarah McLachlan ~*~
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