Back Together Again
Back Together Again
by Faith
TITLE: Back Together Again
AUTHOR: Faith
EMAIL: angelic_devil21@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Holiday (Christmas), Hurt/Comfort
PAIRING: Jack/Sara
SPOILERS: none
SEASON / SEQUEL: 4
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: It's the festive season and Jack is in his usual state of dispare. Can he find the courage to visit the only person who understands his pain?
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I don't think there are enough stories out there where Jack gets to find some peace, here's my contribution to the effort.
Colonel Jack O'Neill ducked into the empty corridor and watched Major Carter, Doctor Janet Fraiser and Cassandra pass by. When he was positive that they had gone and unaware of his presence, he made his way to the elevator, in a slight jog. It was late morning on Christmas Eve and SG-1 had been put on stand down for the holidays like most other SG teams. He was trying to leave the base without bumping into Carter, Doc Fraiser or Cassandra and it was proving to be difficult. Doc Fraiser was having a Christmas party at her house that night and she had been pestering him to attend for weeks now. Despite politely refusing the Major and Doctor simply refused to take a simple 'no' for an answer. In a last attempt to get him to attend they had brought out the big guns, namely Cassandra. Both Doc Fraiser and Carter knew the Doctors adoptive child from through the Stargate would change his mind. She would bat her eyelashes, pull her pouty looking face and he would fold faster than paper under weight. He couldn't say no to the little girl all of SG-1 had grown to know and love and the scheming Doc Fraiser and Carter were well aware of the fact. They had already used Cassandra to get to Dr Daniel Jackson who has also previously refused, and Jack had no intentions of succumbing to the same fate.
Climbing into his car and driving away from the base, he felt a slight pang of guilt. He did want to see Cassie and give her all of the far to many presents that he'd brought her, but he couldn't. Christmas was the worst time of year for him and four years of practise hadn't made it any easier. It was the time that he missed his dead son Charlie the most and became most tempted to go and visit his estranged wife Sara. He hadn't seen her in over three years, not since an incident involving a clone of him, threatened to give her a lethal dose of radiation, and he could no longer find the courage to change it. His plans for this Christmas Eve were to sit on his couch, watch bad Christmas TV and drink beer till he passed out. It was going to be the same as every year, until Cassandra had beaten Daniel, he was going to join him like he had done the last few years. When Sha're had gone missing and became Aphophis' Queen Jack had taken Daniel under his wing at a time of year that was bad for him also. Now Sha're was dead Jack felt he had even more reason to include Daniel in his own sorrow, as Daniel had no family to turn to, even if he wanted to. Unlike Jack who shut himself off from the entire world, except Daniel who was usually drunk by early evening.
Reaching his house he climbed out of his car and trudged through the ever-persistent Colorado snow and up to his porch. Opening the door, he found Daniel inside, who always stayed in Jack's spare room throughout the depressing festive period.
"Did they set Cassie on you?" Daniel asked.
Jack knew who 'they' were. "Nah, they tried though."
"How'd you avoid them, they were everywhere?"
Jack handed Daniel a beer as he sat down on the couch next to him. "I hid."
Daniel gave a short laugh. "Thanks."
"So Danny boy, you going to the good Doctors party?" Jack asked before taking a mouthful of beer.
Daniel did the same muttering grumpily. "Uh-huh."
Jack sighed. "So much for tradition."
"Sorry Jack. Cassie just took one look at me and I couldn't say no."
"I know, kids have that effect. Charlie used to do the same thing and I'd fall for it every time." Jack admitted in an out-of-character outburst about his son that rarely happened when he was sober.
"Yeah, I guess that's why they're kids." Daniel said giving Jack the option of continuing to talk or not.
He didn't.
Jack knocked at the front door and prayed that Janet answered and not Cassie, his prayers were answered. Doctor Janet Fraiser looked extremely different in her festive outfit as she opened the door, surprised to see him and Daniel there. Janet checked her watch, she was worried that she had lost track of time and everyone was about to start arriving, Daniel was just early.
"Colonel O'Neill, Dr Jackson." She greeted.
"Hi, I know I'm a little early but I thought I could lend a hand." Daniel explained, if he wasn't going to be drunk he needed to be busy, and being around Cassie would certainly do that.
Janet looked at Daniel. "That'd be great. Sam's in the kitchen and Cassie and Teal'c are decorating the tree."
"Teal'c? Tree?" Daniel questioned with highly raised eyebrows, Teal'c had been on earth for several Christmas' now, but had never once decorated a tree.
"I'm a scared as you." Janet replied, knowing it was only Cassie's influence that had got him to do it.
"Janet, who is it?" The familiar voice of Major Carter sounded from inside the house. "Hi Daniel. Colonel?" Carter greeted as she appeared in the doorway behind Janet.
"Hey Carter." Jack responded with what could have only been interpreted as a smile.
"I thought you weren't coming Sir." Carter stated.
"I'm not."
"Sir?"
"Just dropping Daniel off." He explained.
"Oh, okay." Carter replied almost sounding disappointed that he hadn't changed his mind, turning to Daniel she told him. "You can give me a hand in the kitchen."
"Sure." Daniel agreed following Carter into the house, who turned to the Colonel before disappearing and said.
"Merry Christmas Sir."
"Merry Christmas Carter."
Janet watched the Colonel who made no attempt to move from the front porch of her house. "Is there something else Colonel O'Neill?"
"Oh, yeah." Jack said snapping out of an empty thought. "I just wanted to drop these off." He explained handing Janet a bag of presents that he'd been holding. "I kinda figured Cassie'd want them there tomorrow. You know what kids are like when it comes to presents."
"Thank you Colonel, but you shouldn't have." Janet told him realising how much was there, she didn't dare think about how much he'd spent. "This is far too much."
"I know, but I'd only have spent it on Daniel and that would have been a waste." He joked.
Janet nodded with a small smile before asking. "Are you sure you won't stay Colonel, Cassie's dying to see you."
"I can't. I have someone to see. Tell Cassie I'll visit soon."
"Sure."
"Bye." Jack said heading away from the house.
"Colonel." Janet called to him, as he was halfway up her drive.
Jack looked up.
"Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas Doc."
Jack climbed into his car, his hands chilled to the bone from the icy, snow filled air. He knew what he had to do and whom he had to see, and he would decide if it was the right thing to do after he'd done it.
Daniel unlocked the front door to Jacks house and made his way to the living room in darkness. He found Jack sat on the couch, a bottle of beer in his hand and a drained one on the floor beside his foot. In his other hand, Daniel could see an object that he couldn't identify, but could see that Jack had been crying. For that reason Daniel made no attempt to switch on any lights, he knew Jack would not want to be seen like that. Despite the fact Daniel was his closest friend, and as good as family to him, he was still too proud.
"Hey Danny!" Jack greeted, squinting through the dark to look at his watch. "Wow. Look at the time."
"Hi Jack." Daniel responded, unsure whether to sit down or go to the spare room and leave Jack alone.
"You wanna beer?" Jack asked, his clear and direct speech a sign that he wasn't drunk, yet.
"Sure." Daniel wondered how long Jack would remain sober, the last couple of years Jack had passed out by midnight. Daniel who usually did the same remembered very little about the Christmas' he and Jack spent together. What he did know was Jack found the Christmas period especially hard and didn't expect this year to be any different.
After downing the remains of the bottle of beer in his hand Jack stood and made his way to the refrigerator. He returned less than a minute later, holding two open beers, one of which he handed to Daniel. Sitting down he motioned for Daniel to do the same and asked.
"Have fun at Doc Fraisers party?"
"Nah, it wasn't great. I'm not really in the festive mood." Daniel answered taking a seat next to Jack.
"Know the feelin'." Jack responded before drinking from the bottle in his hand. "How the heck did you get back?"
"Oh. Colonel Maybornne dropped me off."
"Maybornne?"
"Yeah, I thought it was odd too." Daniel responded with raised eyebrows. "I think Doc Fraiser asked him to."
"And who can say 'no' to the good Doctor." Jack stated with a sarcasm that made Daniel smile.
"Erm, you."
"Me?"
"You got out of that party didn't you?"
Jack nodded taking another drink from the bottle of beer.
"You been here all night?" Daniel asked.
"Nah."
"No? What ever happened to sit alone and drink beer?"
"I went to visit Sara."
"Sara?" Daniel asked, questioning Jacks lack of reluctance to speak about the subject, rather than who he had actually seen.
"Yeah, she was kinda pissed at me."
"How long's it been?"
"Er, three years."
"Three years?"
Jack nodded. "She had good reason to be pissed."
"Erm ... " Daniel wasn't quite sure how to respond, Jack was acting very un-Jack-like.
"I've been meaning to visit for a while."
"A while? Er, how long is a while, exactly?"
"About three years."
"Oh."
"It's just that every time I went to go, I ... "
"You?"
"Didn't."
"Obviously. Er, Jack. If you've been meaning to see Sara for three years now, why's it taken three years?"
"I was scared Daniel, okay? I chickend out."
"So, what made you go today?"
"I dunno. It seemed like a good idea at the time and then I was stood on her doorstep."
"What did she say?"
"She didn't actually say anything."
"She didn't?"
"Nah. She slapped me instead."
"Oh. Ouch."
"Yeah, she's pretty damn good at it."
"Did you guys talk, after the slapping."
"Yeah, but what could I say? 'Sara, I know it's been three years but I just thought I'd stop by.'"
"Er, well you could have started off with hello."
"I know that!"
"Was she glad to see you?"
"Daniel, she slapped me!"
"That doesn't mean she wasn't glad to see you."
"I guess maybe she was. After she slapped me she hugged me, so I dunno."
"How was she holding up? You know, with the holidays."
"Not too good. Her dad invited her brother down from Canada, plus his kids. Her dad though it'd do her some good to be festive again. She said this is the first year she's had a tree since Charlie died."
"That's rough."
"He was only trying to help."
"Still."
"She invited us over tomorrow."
"What did you say?"
"I dunno."
"Why?"
"It's weird. I left her Daniel and disappeared for three years. How can she just trust me not to do the same thing again?"
"Er, I think it's called love, Jack."
"Yeah, that's what she said."
"Jack, just out of interest. Are you going to just leave her again now that you've seen her?"
"Daniel!"
"It's an honest question Jack, one Sara was probably to scared to ask."
Jack silently agreed. "I don't know Daniel. The reason I went to see her was because there was something I had to give her."
Daniel gave him his infamous 'questioning' look.
"Before Charlie died, we brought Sara a present for her birthday. It was one of those gold 'mommy' necklace things, you know with the word in gold letters."
Daniel nodded.
"As soon as he saw it Charlie just had to get it, despite it was months till her birthday. Then Charlie died, I never gave it to her, I guess I've always thought she should have it."
"What did she say?"
"She didn't. It made her cry. Then-"
"Then, what?"
"She gave me this." Jack said handing Daniel the object he had been holding earlier and it suddenly became obvious why Jack had been crying. "It was Charlie's baseball glove, she said 'I should have it'."
Daniel looked at Jack, his eyes were now fully adjusted to the darkness and he could see that Jack was just about ready to cry again.
"Sometimes I can forget Daniel. How much I miss him ... her, them both, she ... "
"You forgot how much youreallymissed them." Daniel told him, correctly understanding.
"Yeah, Daniel." Jack couldn't deny it, he knew his friend would see right through it. "I'm gonna hit the sack." He didn't want to discuss it further; he had already spoken to Sara about Charlie and didn't think he could have the conversation again. At least not holding up the 'O'Neill military bravado' as Sara called it.
Jack looked around him; he was stood alone, the sun beating down on his back and sand between his bare toes, it wasn't earth. Looking down at himself through dark sunglasses he realised he wasn't in fatigues, like he expected to be. He was dressed in a pair of light combat trousers and a bright blue Hawaiian shirt. Hearing his name he turned to face the sand dunes behind him, the midday sun glaring in his eyes. The figure stood atop the sand dune called his name again, but he was unable to identify them. As the figure all of sudden became closer, he realised it was Sara.
"Jack." She said, a relieved smile on her lips, one he recognised from when he used to return from active duty.
"Where have you been? I missed you, we missed you."
"We?" He didn't understand, there was no one else there.
"Yeah, I brought someone to see you." And from behind her appeared Charlie, as innocent as he ever had been.
"Charlie?" Jack couldn't believe his eyes.
"Dad!" Charlie said rushing to wrap his arms around Jacks legs affectionately. "I thought you weren't coming home."
"We thought you weren't coming back, you've been gone for so long." Sara said, her relieved features almost becoming pained.
Jack felt Charlie tug at the bottom of his shirt. "Dad, can we play baseball? Just like we used to."
"Sure, if your mom doesn't mind."
Charlie looked up at Sara, who shook her head and handed Jack Charlie's baseball.
Sara sat watching them on the sand with the warm and loving smile that had kept Jack alive while imprisoned in Iraq during the Gulf War. They played happily until the sun was high in the sky and scorching the sand beneath their bare feet. Jack threw Charlie the ball for the final time, then headed back over to where Sara sat. As she stood up to greet them, Jack took her by surprise and throwing his arms around her waist picked her up to spin her round in circles. Hearing her laughter as he placed her back on the sand, was like music to his ears. He couldn't remember the last time that he had felt so happy of content without her. As he kissed her, his lips gently curved into a smile, remembering how good she felt, especially her kiss. Pulling her closer he moved to kiss her again, stopping as she told him quietly.
"I love you Jack, I always will."
"I know, I love you too Sara." He replied moving to kiss her once again, his lips lightly brushing hers before returning to kiss her passionately. He never wanted to let go of her, he felt safe in her warm arms as he ran his ringers though her hair. He had forgotten how good it felt to be holding her, kissing her, just being near her gave him a sense of joy he couldn't describe.
"No!" Sara exclaimed firmly, pulling away from the safety of Jacks embrace.
"Sara?" He couldn't understand what was wrong, they were happy, they were together, he wanted to be with her, he wanted her.
"You want to leave! You want to leave us, me!"
"No. I want to be here, with you." He said taking hold of her hands.
"Yes you do. You always leave, and now you're going to go and you're never coming back!"
"I'll always come back!"
Sara shook her head. "You won't, you're leaving me!"
"I'm not going to leave you!"
Tears now streamed down Sara's face. "Jack, I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, not as well, not again."
"As well?"
"He's gone Jack, he's gone."
"Charlie's gone?" Jack looked around in shock; there was no trace of the little boy he had just been playing baseball with.
"I need you."
"I need you too Sara, I always have." He confessed.
Sara cried even harder. "I still need you and you're going to leave me."
Jack put his hands on Sara's cheeks and told her firmly. "I am not going to leave you." He then pulled her close in his strong and safe arms, kissing her hair as she sobbed into his chest.
Sara finally spoke. "But you already have."
Jack sat up with a start, beads of cold sweat running down the back of his neck as his forehead collided with another. Gasping for breath Jack became caught up in a violent coughing fit as another voice exclaimed. "Ow!" As the fit subsided Jack cursed and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand as he studied his surroundings. He was in his bed, in his room, not in the middle of a dessert on a warm and sandy planet, and it wasn't the middle of the day. He'd been dreaming. Even though he knew he had, the reality of his dream clung to his mind like a memory of yesterday.
"That hurt!" The other voice in the room exclaimed.
"Ya think?" Jack automatically snapped back sarcastically. Realising the attacker of his head was only Daniel he mumbled something that resembled an apology.
"You okay Jack?" Daniel asked, finally ceasing rubbing his also injured forehead.
"Yeah, but what the hell was that for?"
"I heard shouting."
"Shouting?"
"Yeah, I came in to see if you were okay and you were asleep, until you head butted me!"
"Shouting?" Jack repeated, and even through the pitch black Daniel could see Jacks face pale.
"Something about not leaving." Daniel gave Jack an opportunity to talk.
Jacks face paled further.
Daniel could tell it wasn't to be discussed so lied. "You weren't making much sense."
"I don't really remember." Jack lied back, silently thanking Daniel for understanding and his willingness to let the subject drop.
Daniel understood.
Calling to her dad that she would get it, Sara O'Neill made her way to the front door, wondering who on earth it could be at 8:30 am on Christmas morning. Reaching the door just after the second set off rings from the bell, she opened it and stood staring in shock.
"Jack?"
"Hi Sara." Jack replied studying Sara's appearance, she was dressed in a pair of red pyjama's that was decorated with white snowmen, a pair which he remembered seeing her wear before. He found himself focused on a pair of out of character fluffy bunny slippers, and desperately trying not to laugh at them.
Sara looked down at the slippers in embarrassment. "I didn't think you'd come."
"If it's a problem-"
"No." Sara said a little to quickly. "You're just a little earlier than I thought you'd be."
"Ah, we had nothing better to do."
"Come in, you must be freezing." Sara offered, moving out of the doorway to let Jack in and Daniel who was stood beside him.
"Sara, this is Dr Daniel Jackson. Danny, this is Sara."
"Hi Dr Jackson."
"Hi, Daniel please."
"Okay, Daniel."
"Are you sure it's okay me being here?" Daniel asked, he didn't want to impose on Sara's household, he could easily go to the base and spend the day with Teal'c.
"It's alright." Sara assured taking Daniel and Jack's coats. Noticing her niece molly tottering down the hall, Sara turned her around and sent her back in the direction of the front room.
Daniel looked at Jack with raised eyebrows.
"Niece." Jack mouthed silently.
"Oh." Daniel replied silently.
When Sara turned back to them she led them into the front room, which was plushly decorated in the festive spirit. In front of the large and bushy green Christmas tree sat the two children, Molly and Tom, eager to attack the large pile of presents they couldn't take their eyes off of. Recognising the look on the children's faces, Jack smiled, he'd seen that look on Charlie's face every Christmas, birthday and Thanksgiving. Upon hearing his name Jack snapped back to reality and Sara who was introducing him and Daniel to the group. As Daniel gave a nervous 'hi' Jack gave a sloppy salute to the majority of Sara's family that he had not seen in the last 5 years. Apart from the children, there was only one member he'd never met and that was her brother's heavily pregnant fiance, Kate. The children who belonged to Kate's last marriage he had never met but could tell their new father Malc would take good care of them, along with the bump.
Siting down as kids began to open their presents in an excited flurry Jack found himself slipping into his memories of the Christmas' he'd spent in that very house. He could see Charlie's first Christmas; he was only 2 months old and had spent more time trying to eat the presents than open them. He could see all the other Christmas' in between; Charlie sat in front of the Christmas tree, trying to decide what he should open first. He could see Sara sat in those same pyjamas, a large smile across her face as she snuggled up against him on the couch, not wearing a pair of ridiculous bunny slippers. The thoughts of Charlie and what once was stabbed Jack in the chest with a familiar pain, only now it ached more than it had done for a long time. It made him stop and wonder why he had gone there, why he wasn't at home drinking beer with Daniel and wallowing in grief, self-loathing and pity. Watching Sara get up out of the corner of his eye, he knew why, it was her, she was feeling the hurt just as much as him and he couldn't make her face it alone. Not again. Looking around the room he could see that both her dad and brother Malc were considering going after her, Jack stood up and left room before they could say a word.
Jack found Sara in the kitchen; leaned against the back door staring out at the snow that covered the ground. She looked up at him stood in the doorway, tears gently rolling down her face, the pain in her eyes obvious and bare to Jack who felt it to. After crossing the kitchen Jack wrapped Sara up in the safety of his arms, pulling her close as she sobbed into her shoulder. As he soothed her sobs, that soon became sniffles muffled by his shirt, he realised it was far to close to his dream of the night before. As the thought hit him, he could not let her go, despite her more calmed state, because if he did, he knew he would also cry. He understood how much pain Sara felt seeing the two children like Charlie once was; it was pain that hurt him more than words could describe.
A muted "Jack." Came from Sara who made no attempt to pull away from him, instead put her arms around him and held him tightly, as if she could read his thoughts and pain.
"Yeah?" He whispered softly, stroking her silky blonde hair.
"Sorry."
"What for?"
"For this, for getting upset."
Jack eased Sara away from him and taking her chin tilted her head to look at him. "Don't be. It's okay."
"But I-" She began.
"Shh. It's okay. You're allowed to be upset. We both are."
"I know." Sara replied weakly, wiping the tears from her face with her pyjama sleeve. "It just, it just still hurts Jack."
"I know it still hurts, I know."
"But I cope Jack, I ... " Tears welled up in her eyes. "But with the kids here ... "
Jack hugged Sara close to him once again. "All you can see is Charlie." He finished.
He could feel Sara's head nodding against his shoulder.
"I see him to Sara, I see him to."
They stood holding each other in silence for what seemed like an eternity, afraid to let each other go and have to return to reality, to the pain. Their moment was only spoiled by an excited 'yay' from the front room.
"We should get back." Sara commented.
Jack nodded. "Yeah, I guess we should." He looked at Sara; she didn't want to, but knew she would have to face the memories at some point that day. "You gonna be okay?"
She nodded. "You?" Sara knew that she wasn't the only one hurting.
"Yeah. You can get through this Sara, we can get through this. Together." Jack put extra emphasis on 'together'.
"We can do anything as long as we're together." Sara commented with a smile, repeating the words he'd told her when he had proposed to her.
"Yeah, we can." He agreed, a small smile curving the corners of his lips.
Putting his arm around her shoulders he led her back across the kitchen and asked with a large grin. "What's with the bunny slippers?"
"Santa Malcom thought they'd be a great idea."
Stopping Sara in the doorway he turned her to face him and as she questioned him his mind once again flashed back to the dream of the sandy planet. Slipping his arms around Sara's waist, he pulled her up against him and let his lips touch hers in a long and lingering kiss. Pulling away he realised how much he had missed her and the sense of pride she gave him, just by beinghiswife. Like on the sandy planet he wanted to kiss her again, and this time never let her go, but he knew not to, not so soon.
"What was that for?" She asked.
"Under the mistletoe." He replied knowing that there was a piece directly above them.
Sara looked up and smiled. "Yeah. Merry Christmas Jack."
"Merry Christmas Sara." He returned.
Studying her eyes Jack could see a deep running pain that did not stem from Charlie, it was from him. Sara had lost her husband long ago when she had needed him the most and now he could see that she thought it was about to happen again. Jack suddenly understood the sandy planet, it was not when they'd lost Charlie, it was now. He had walked back into her life and she couldn't lose him again, she still needed him, even now, but she knew she would have to say goodbye once again. What Sara didn't know was that Jack had meant what he'd said on the planet, he wasn't going to leave her. Not again. It had taken him far to long to work out how much he still needed her, wanted her and she needed to know, but today wasn't the day. Instead he only whispered 'I love you' as she hugged him tightly once more. He could tell her tomorrow, because he knew he would still be there.
*Finis*
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