Of F302's Archaeologists and COs
Of F302's Archaeologists and COs
by sueKay
Summary: Jack, Daniel, a bottle of Jack Daniels, an F302 with hyperdrive, and some purple moonrock! s8 SPOILERS!
Category: Humor
Season: Season 8
Pairing: Daniel/other, Jack/Sam
Rating: FAM
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 2005-03-17
"Remind me how we got into this situation again?" Daniel pouted at Jack.
"My exceptional flying skills were'not so exceptional."
"No'Well they wouldn't be after a bottle of Jack Daniels."
"Hey! I'm sober!"
"Now'"
"'There's that."
The first phase of the F-302's civilian training program was not going well. After coaxing Daniel in with the promise of JDs, Jack had partook in a few too many himself, and the pair had crashed onto a planet well, planetoid ehm'moon. They were embedded into the rock and couldn't see a thing. Thus, assessing their situation was a bit tricky.
"Do you have any aspirin?" Daniel asked.
"Nope'Got some anti-inflamatorys with me."
"I have a hangover'Not arthritis."
"Sorry."
"Do we have a first aid box?"
"Nope'Recon was only meant to be around Earth."
"Tell me again why you fiddled with the hyperdrive?"
"I had a hunch."
"A hunch?"
"That I could get it working."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Daniel glared at his compadre.
"Well it worked'didn't it?" Jack pointed out.
"For a minute'Who knows where we are now!"
"On a planet'moon'lump of rock."
"Oh well that makes me feel better!"
"Calm down Daniel'you're making me'annoyed."
"Annoyed? You're annoyed? It's your fault!"
"I guess."
The pair sat silent for a moment, until Jack took it upon himself to wind Daniel up another notch.
"So'moving on from our seemingly impending doomful death'How are you?"
"Peachy'Thanks."
"How's the love life?"
"So so."
"Still seeing Sarah?"
"Mmmm Hmm."
"Good'When are you gonna move in?"
"Haven't brought it up."
"Well'she's your ex'you've been to hell and back with a brief detour on several planets'You've made up'You're doing it'Why not?"
"I don't know." Daniel replied, his frustration very noticeable. "You should."
"Well I can't ask her while we slowly die on a lump of purple moon rock." "Is that the official name for this planet'moon?"
"Dry up Jack."
"Drying up." Jack shut up.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his MP3.
"Who're you listening to?" Daniel enquired.
"Something Damon Albarn from Blur did a few years ago'Called Gorrillaz."
"I've heard of them'cartoons right?"
"Yeah."
"Clint Eastwood?"
"That's the ones'but I'm listening to 19/2000."
"Don't know it'hum it or sing it."
Jack stopped for a second.
"Okay.
There's a monkey in the jungle Watching a vapour trail Caught up in the conflict Between his brain and his trail." "And the chorus goes Got the cool Got the cool shoe shine Got the cool Got the cool shoe shine"
"Yeah that one!"
"It's a nonsense song."
"And?"
"I prefer'I prefer music with meaning."
"Well I don't wanna be listening to something deep and spiritual whilst stuck a million light years away from home."
"Good point."
The pair were once again silent.
"How's Kerry?"
"She's good."
"Missing her?"
"'Yeah'even if she is my ex."
"You split up?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I'm gay! Whadaya think?"
"Okay Jack'no need to get tetchy with me'Sam?"
"Precisely!"
"What about Pete?"
"What about him?"
"You can't expect Sam to leave him for you? Or her career for that matter."
"And I don't expect her too."
"Then what do you expect?"
"Nothing."
As simple as Jack O'Neill was, Daniel was still perplexed at the older man's ability to well'perplex him.
"Jack?"
"I didn't love Kerry. Care about her? Yes. Love? No."
Daniel put two and two together.
"You'd rather be alone than with anyone other than Sam?"
"You betcha."
"That's so'lovely and nice'I never thought I'd use those words to descr-"
"Describe me'I do have the ability to confuse people don't I?"
"Yeah'If I didn't know you well and you'd said that gay comment I would have thought you were serious."
"What If I was being serious?"
"Don't do this Jack'I'm not up to one of your mind games."
"Really? What if I told you that'I'm a really a woman'I dress like this for fun."
"Well you're convincing."
"Do you think I'm attractive then?"
"Jack!"
"It's an innocent question!" Jack pouted petulantly.
"Well'If I was a girl'yeah."
"Really?"
"No."
Jack's face fell.
"I'm not sexy?"
"I'm not the one to judge."
"Well Sam's not around to tell me'and after all'we are dying!"
"Okayokay'You're good looking! You're sexy! Oh god! I'm feeding your ego aren't I?"
"Yup!"
"Damn you! No wonder Sam fell for you!"
"Thank you'If you were homosexual'would you like me?"
"Honestly?"
"Yeah."
"'Yeah."
"Really?"
"'Sure'I think."
"Why do I feel strangely disturbed?"
"What about you?" Daniel posed the question.
"If I was gay'would I find you attractive?"
"Yeah."
"'Yeah'I could see how could people find you attractive."
"You'can?"
"Sure!"
"You still love Sam though."
"Sure." Jack stopped. "We are speaking hypothetically about the gay stuff?"
"Oh yeah'of course!"
"Oh! Oh okay!"
"Glad that's settled."
"Jack Daniels?"
"Hell yeah!"
And with that'the two confused and bourbon filled men went back to their 'waiting-to-be-rescued' vigil, unaware that at Cheyenne Mountain, a roomful of gate techs were peeing themselves laughing.
After all'they'd only crashed on top of the mountain!
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