Love's Sacrifice
Love's Sacrifice
by Soles
TITLE: Love's Sacrifice
Author: Soles
Email: soles@gamewood.net
Category: Angst, Romance
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: Entity
Season: 4
This story is a sequel to: Love Fades
Challenge: February W-A-M - Sacrifice
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Jack's Post-Entity POV and anguish.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's note - this is the sequel to Love Fade's, from January's WaM - Fade. As anyone, who has read my stories can tell, I'm a Sam and Jack fan; probably for the impossibility of their situation; they mesh well together, and the fact that there are no quick solutions. This is another post-Entity story - for some as yet unknown reason, this episode, while not being my most favorite, speaks to me the most. As usual, I need feedback- good, bad, or indifferent…so please, please!
Jack O'Neill; hardened veteran of several wars, incursions, invasions, and many otherwise unpleasant military maneuvers, sat alone and thoughtful, in the small chapel, located two floors up from the SGC. He had come here to reflect, in peace and undisturbed, on the events of this latest fiasco, involving the Stargate and her denizens, deep within the Cheyenne Mountain. Or at least that was what he'd tell anyone who found him sitting here, alone.
Truth be told, he'd come up here, to vanquish all the emotions tearing at his gut, and to turn the tide of grief, resulting from his sacrifice of Carter, all in the name of duty. Sacrifice - in all of its meanings, he'd sacrificed the woman he loved, now above all others things of this earth, to save Earth, again. He had, only too easily, given up, surrendered and destroyed the one person who made life, for him, livable; giving it meaning beyond the here and now.
And now, she had been given back to him, wholehearted and new, and his not being able to grab her, and engulf her renewed life in his aching arms, tore at him savagely. His refusal to touch her, and hold her warm hand, in his own, still lacerated his heart. He had almost not made it here, before the emotions overwhelmed him, and the tears of anguish, pain and frustration flooded his battle hardened eyes. The long gasping shudders were calming now, his turmoil spent.
The quiet, and always candlelit, atmosphere of the tiny chapel soothed his frayed feelings, as the smell of the burning candles carried him to another place, and another time. To the wedding of his former wife, and the beginnings of her building a new life - after Jack O'Neill. He'd gone to her wedding, very reluctantly, but hadn't wanted her to feel slighted by his absence, and he'd even gone to the torture of wearing a tux - it'd been worth the aggravation, just seeing the approval in her eyes. And now, she was married and moving on, moving in a new direction with her life and her beloved new husband. He'd seen the jealousy, in Needhams' eyes as he'd approached the couple, just before leaving. What was the man jealous about? Wasn't he the one taking the most beautiful woman in the room, home that night?
O'Neill leaned his head back, onto the padded seat back of the pew, tiredly rubbing the moisture and fatigue away from his eyes. He'd known jealousy, he'd felt it that night, but what right did he have to being jealous? He'd had his chance with Sara, and had blown it. And now, he couldn't help but think he was blowing it with Carter. The General, all but saying out loud, that he knew Carter was more than special to O'Neill, and O'Neill brushing him off with that crap about being concerned "as a commander, for a good subordinate officer" - what a load!
Was he so afraid, of bringing his feelings for Carter, out of that room, out of the dark stigma of Zatarc testing, into the light, to at least be acknowledged and dealt with? Even Daniel and Teal'c had understood, and had left him alone, in his anguish, with Carter. Sitting alone with her, fiddling with medical doodads, stalling Dr. Fraiser's misguided need, to turn off the machines, and let her friend and colleague go…at least, he had that to be proud of. He never thought of himself as a coward, until this Entity - thing, made him see. He had killed Carter, just to show this thing, and all of the SGC, that he couldn't be held as ransom, for Carters life. Good Boy!!
And still, here he sat, alone and grieving - not for what could have been and was not, but for what had never been given a chance. He had begged forgiveness from God - forgiveness in sacrificing one of His most beautiful creations, to save all of the sorry, burned-out types and those not worthy of the gift. And now, he had to go see Carter, and confirm, in his own mind, that she really was alive - breathing and spouting techno-babble, meant for his ears alone.
But, he'd sit here for a few more minutes, just to make sure that he had himself back in control. It would never do, for the troops, to see Colonel Jack O'Neill act like a human being, with emotions, and pain, and misgivings…bad for morale, but whose morale were we talking about here?
Jack slipped out of the pew, walking to the front of the small chapel, to where candles were available to light in honor of, or memoriam for, a comrade. Taking a taper from its holder, he lit a candle for Carter, thankful that it was in her honor, and not as a last memorial. And having done this, he turned and walked out of the chapel, eager to visit the infirmary - Oh yeah!
Colonel Jack O'Neill walking, unsupported, and without kicking and screaming, into the infirmary was a sight to behold, in itself as he stopped just inside the room where Carter, his Major was located. O'Neill watched as the nurses worked with Carter, and he watched as she smiled, a Thank you to her nurses, as they left her. That smile alone, kept his heart pacing at a steady, above normal rate. It was…incandescent. He moved over to her bedside, taking notice of her tired, and feeble appearance, but anxious to deal with the situation he had created.
" Hey Carter…how's it going?" What a stupid question!
" Hi, Sir…not too bad. I'm still a little sore from the Zat fire," O'Neill winced, as his 2IC continued,
" But, all in all I'm good. Janet wants to keep me here, until she's sure my heartbeat has settled back down, into a normal sinus rhythm…hopefully, I'll be out of here by tomorrow evening, Colonel."
Samantha Carter watched him; exhaustion and concern were deeply etched in his handsome face. She also saw the red, puffiness, in his eyes…had her Colonel been crying?
" Good…that's good, Sam …Carter." O'Neill looked around the medical area, trying to come up with the words, that would explain his actions in this last scenario, which had resulted in her being separated from her corporeal body. Emotions were stinging his eyes again, so he'd better get it out into the open, before he started blubbering, like a baby…worse than a baby.
" Ah, Sam…" he moved closer to her bed, reaching out and taking her hand in his warm grip. " Listen Carter, you know I'm…I'm the one who shot you with the Zat, right?
Carter nodded, unwilling to interrupt.
" Carter…Sam, I just wanted you to know that it was the hardest…" he cleared his throat, of the lump suddenly lodged there, " …Hardest thing, I've ever had to do…but, if it ever happened again, I'd have to do it again…ah, you do understand, right?
She smiled her brilliant smile at him, the one she kept just for him.
" I wouldn't want it any other way, Sir."
" Good…Good, cause Carter, we won't let it happen again…you mean too much to me, and contrary to popular belief, and rumors; started by a cowardly Colonel, not just in a strictly professional manner. You do understand, right?" A single tear slipped down his cheek, while more brimmed his dark eyes.
" Sir, Yes Sir. I understand…I wouldn't want it any other way, Sir."
The End
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