Hero
Hero
by Sue Corkill
TITLE: Hero
Author: Sue Corkill
Email: mscorkill@earthlink.net
Category: Angst, Romance
Pairing: other pairing
Spoilers: Prodigy, Proving Ground, Last Stand, Summit
Season: 5
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: none
Status: Completed
Summary: Jennifer Hailey learns of Elliot's death.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
Author's notes: Elliot deserved better than to die, but since he did, I felt compelled to at least make sure he was happy in the days before his death. This brief story is my requiem for Elliot.
Jennifer cranked up the stereo, the soundtrack from Camelot pouring through her small apartment. Returning to the bathroom, she liberally sprayed the sink with cleaner and started scrubbing away, singing along with 'I Wonder What The King Is Doing Tonight'. She really hated cleaning, but Steven would be home tonight...and she wanted everything to be perfect for him. Oh, for heaven's sakes! She grinned at her reflection in the mirror, she--Jennifer Hailey--was behaving like a romantic sap over a man! But, she couldn't help it and she didn't care. She loved him, she loved him, she loved him! She had always thought her career would take priority over any relationship, and it still did, but she really liked being in love. It was just icing on the cake that she and Steven were both in the military and both involved in the Stargate project. Foraging under the sink for the toilet bowl cleaner, Jennifer straightened up suddenly, she thought she'd heard another sound under the familiar sound of Arthur's soliloquy on the wonders of 'Camelot'. Stripping off her rubber gloves, Jennifer went into the living room and turned down the stereo, the suddenly quiet room resounding with the pounding on the front door. Who could be at her door at this hour on Saturday morning? She smoothed back the few tendrils of hair that had escaped her ponytail, but there was nothing to be done about her sloppy T-shirt and shorts, the insistent pounding on the door had started again. Whoever was out there was very impatient.
"Coming!" she called out, quickly crossing the small room to the front door. "Who's there?" she asked before she opened the door, better safe than sorry.
"Major Carter."
Major Carter? Jennifer's curiousity was piqued. Why would Major Carter be at her front door on a Saturday morning? Opening the door she stood and stared in obvious surprise at the sight of the two people standing on her doorstep. Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill? Wearing their dress uniforms? Why were they wearing their dress uniforms? Her mind started racing, oh no...they were wearing their dress uniforms! Oh god no, not Steven...she was going to be sick, no, oh god, she was going to faint!
Jennifer barely felt the strong hands that eased her to the floor, but she immediately followed the brusque command of, "Put your head between your knees".
She dimly heard Major Carter's voice over the roaring in her head as she took shallow breaths. "I'll go find some water."
"Yeah, bring a cold rag or something too." Colonel O'Neill's voice, sounding like she'd never heard before, almost caring. Moments later she felt a cold cloth being pressed to her nape and then the Colonel's voice next to ear. "How ya' doing, Hailey?"
Jennifer took a deep breath, raising her head to look at O'Neill and then up to Major Carter. Both of them had concerned sympathetic looks on their faces that seemed to be tinged with sadness. "I'm okay," she murmured, struggling to her feet. O'Neill helped her, his hands gentle as he guided her over to the sofa. Jennifer sat down, Major Carter sitting down next to her while O'Neill went to stand by the window.
"Jennifer," Major Carter started. Jennifer noted absently that she looked to O'Neill for permission before speaking. "I'm afraid we have some bad news."
"It's about Steven, isn't it?" She was starting to feel numb, which was good because she wasn't sure she wanted to feel any of the other emotions that were roiling just beneath the surface.
"Yes, it is." Jennifer heard the deep breath the major took before continuing, the words seeming to flow automatically out of her. "Lieutenant Steven Elliott was killed in the line of duty during an off-world mission." Jennifer felt the other woman's hand briefly touch her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Jennifer."
"What happened?" she asked, her voice calm, her expression controlled. She'd already made a fool of herself in front of these two by almost fainting; she wasn't going to let anything like that happen again.
"He died saving our lives." Hailey looked towards O'Neill as he spoke. "He died a hero."
Hero, Jennifer thought almost wildly, her hero...she took a shuddering breath, willing herself to stay in control.
"Is there someone we can call, Jennifer? To stay with you?"
Jennifer looked blankly at Major Carter, the concern in the older woman's face almost penetrating the barricade that she'd erected to keep herself from falling apart. "Yes, Ma'am," she murmured, trying to collect herself enough to respond. "Grace...you can call Grace."
"Grace?" O'Neill asked.
Jennifer looked blankly at him before realizing he didn't know whom she meant; "Grace Satterfield, her cell is 398-5002." O'Neill took out his cell, dialing the number and turning his back to her as he spoke softly into the phone.
Jennifer was relieved that O'Neill had managed to reach Grace, god, she hoped she'd be able to come over. Closing up his cell, O'Neill turned back to face her. "She says she'll be here in about forty-five minutes." Jennifer didn't miss the look that passed between O'Neill and Carter.
"You don't have to stay," she quickly assured them. "I'll be okay until she gets here."
"Are you sure?" Major Carter sounded concerned, yet relieved at the same time.
Jennifer gave the other woman a weak smile. "I'll be fine, Major." She looked over to O'Neill next, "Thank you for coming to tell me in person, sir. I really appreciate it."
"Carter?" O'Neill prompted, his expression serious. "Don't you have something else for Hailey?"
"Oh, right," the Major said. Jennifer looked with vague curiousity at Major Carter, as the other woman's face once more became somber. Reaching into her pocket, Carter pulled out an item Jennifer recognized immediately. She froze, totally unable to do anything as Major Carter pressed the dog tags into her cold hand. "He wanted you to have these." Jennifer closed her hands around the cool metal of the chain and tags with their protectors. She watched numbly as Carter stood; O'Neill leaving his post by the window and moving to stand next to her.
"There'll be a memorial service at the SGC on Tuesday," Carter said, her voice gentle. "General Hammond's already arranged for you, Satterfield and Grogan to be there."
"Thank you, Ma'am," Jennifer responded automatically, the reality of Steven's death starting to penetrate through her defenses, the evidence of his dog tags clutched tightly in her hand forcing her to acknowledge the truth.
She felt the Major's hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want us to stay until Satterfield gets here?"
Jennifer looked up into Major Carter's shadowed eyes. "I'll be fine," she replied, trying to inject some confidence into her voice. She stood, thankful when her legs supported her and she walked slowly past her visitors to the door. "Really, I'll be okay," she reassured them both.
O'Neill nodded at her, putting his sunglasses on as he opened the door. "All right then."
"See you on Tuesday, Jennifer."
"Yes, Ma'am. Thank you, Colonel, sir."
The two officers left, and Jennifer closed the door quietly behind them, leaning against the door for support before slowly sinking to the floor. Now that she was alone, she let her grief out, the tears flowing freely as she sat huddled on the floor weeping with Steven's dog tags clutched in her hand. It could have been hours or minutes later, but finally Jennifer dragged herself back over the sofa, too drained to even try and stand up. Sobs still sporadically shuddered through her slender frame, she had thought her tears would stop eventually but they just kept on coming.
Crawling onto the sofa, she dropped the dog tags onto the coffee table, then groping around for the box of tissues she kept on the end table and holding it tightly, she curled up on the sofa. She blew her nose in-between sobs, wadding the used tissues up on the coffee table. She felt terrible, she couldn't stop crying and her head was aching...as for her heart, she couldn't even tell if it was still there or not. She felt like O'Neill and Carter's news had ripped her heart right out of her and it was wherever Steven was. Oh god...Steven...Steven was dead and she'd never see him again, hold him, kiss him, talk with him, laugh with him.
It seemed like it had only been yesterday that he had first picked her up off the floor of the Gateroom during the 'Foothold' simulation. It had taken all her self-control to not giggle and give the game away too early. He could have just dragged her out of the room, but no, Steven had picked her up in his arms. A real 'hero', so she teased him, not realizing until later that that brief moment had been the turning point in their relationship. When the four of them had gone out to dinner to celebrate their 'victory' in the simulation, she and Steven had stayed long after Grogan and Satterfield had left, talking and laughing until the restaurant workers finally had to ask them to leave as they needed to close up. She and Steven reluctantly left, standing awkwardly outside the door of the restaurant, shivering a bit in the cool night air.
"So, this was fun." Steven said, his eyes cautious and hopeful.
"Yeah, it was," she agreed, following him to the parking lot. She stopped by her car.
"Maybe we can do it again sometime?"
"I'd like that, Steven." She smiled warmly at him, calling him by his given name for the first time. "I'd like that a lot."
He had called the next morning, and they'd met at the Academy track for a run, and then had spent the rest of the day studying together. Jennifer smiled through her tears, studying together! She hadn't even done that in high school with any of her boyfriends, and there she'd been with Steven, happily helping him with his quantum physics refresher. And then, they'd had their first official date that night. Dinner and a movie...they'd laughed through some mindless comedy, the only show that had been starting when they'd arrived at the theater. Afterwards, they'd walked to a nearby pizza parlor that specialized in 'New York' style. The only type of pizza to eat, according to Steven. She'd never been a pizza connoisseur, but she'd been well on her way to becoming one with Steven. With Steven...she closed her eyes on a fresh surge of pain; no more debating the finer points of pineapple/Canadian bacon versus sausage/black olive pizza. No more of anything--ever--with Steven.
Rolling to her back, Jennifer stared up at the ceiling, dimly realizing that 'Fie On Goodness' was softly playing. She smiled; Steven had never quite understood her love for Broadway musicals, just as she'd never understood his love for Country & Western music. The rousing chorus drew to a conclusion, and before Jennifer could do anything about it, the soft strains of 'I Loved You Once In Silence' filled the room. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall again as Guenevere confessed her love for Lancelot. If Jennifer had ever been accused of anything, it was of being too practical and sensible. Very few people ever found out about Jennifer Hailey's deeply romantic side, but Steven with his gentle patience and sincere personality had quickly found his way into her heart. Though she knew it seemed impossibly fast, in less than two weeks after their 'first date', she couldn't imagine her life without Steven in it. Steven was busy training with SG-17 for their first mission--whenever and whatever that would be--and she was busy with her current research assignment, but they'd had the luxury of free evenings and had spent every one of them together. Sometimes they went out, sometimes they studied, sometimes they just watched TV, but whatever they did, they did it together. And it had been so wonderful, and so easy to fall in love with him.
Jennifer reached up and felt for her necklace, gently tracing the shape of the gold filigree moon and stars. She safely tucked it back under the neck of her T-shirt. He'd given it to her the evening before he'd left on his first mission...and his last mission. Steven had been so excited, after three weeks with SG-17, they were finally being sent on a mission--he couldn't tell her any details, but he had been thrilled. And she had been thrilled for him, only slightly envious that he was going off-world while she was still waiting for an opening on an SG team. She didn't begrudge him his assignment though, Steven was a born leader and he deserved his chance. And as cliched as it sounded now, he'd given her the celestial necklace to remember him by while he was off-world and they had made love for the first time that night. It had been beautiful, tender and romantic; everything you could ever hope for the first time with the man you love. She had kissed him goodbye in the morning, her heart bursting with love for him; he'd barely been able to contain his excitement.
"I'm not sure how long we'll be gone." He told her, and she smiled indulgently at him, he couldn't keep that dopey grin off his face. "Major Mansfield thinks it will only be for a few days, maybe four at the most."
"I'll be here when you get back," she teased, walking with him to the front door.
She hadn't thought it possible, but his smile widened even more. "I'm counting on it," he growled, pulling her into his arms and kissing her. She let herself melt into his embrace, savoring the kiss, before reluctantly pushing him away.
"You'd better get going." She opened the door; "You don't want to be late for your first assignment."
"Yes, ma'am." He kissed her again.
She held him tightly for a long moment, wondering if he would say the three words that she'd been longing to hear from him. When he didn't, she whispered, "I love you." Releasing him, she watched him walk away. He paused at the bottom of the stairs and looking back up to her, blew her a kiss.
And that had been the last time she had seen him. The CD quit playing, the living room suddenly quiet except for her shuddering breaths as she sniffed loudly, trying to hold back a fresh onslaught of tears. First times and last times, Jennifer thought in despair, all woven together in the unfinished tapestry that would define the brief span of weeks they had together. A fresh sob broke through her resolve just as someone started knocking on the front door.
"Jennifer!" Grace's anxious voice called urgently through the door. "Jennifer!"
Pulling herself together enough to get to the door, Jennifer opened it, letting in a very worried looking Grace. Jennifer tried to give her friend a smile, but she could feel her face crumple as Grace said, "Oh honey, I'm so sorry," and pulled her into her arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jennifer walked slowly into the gateroom, Grogan in front of her and Satterfield right behind. They had both been so sweet and protective of her, that by Monday evening she had almost felt smothered. But now, she was glad they were with her. This was the first time she'd been to the SGC since their training exercise, the first time in the gateroom since Steven had 'rescued' her. She took a deep breath, she'd be okay, she kept telling herself. She'd be strong for Steven; she'd be strong.... She let Paul and Grace herd her to the back of the group of people gathered the room. Normally, she would have objected to being in the back, but not this time. She wasn't sure she wanted a front row seat to the memorial service.
There were about two dozen people all crammed into the small area at the foot of the ramp, not counting the usual SF's that were always on guard. The quiet murmurs and hushed voices stopped and everyone came to attention when General Hammond entered the room, followed by the four members of SG-1. General Hammond stood on the ramp, the silent Stargate a solemn backdrop.
"At ease." Everyone around Jennifer settled into a more comfortable stance. Hammond started to speak, his eyes moving from person to person; "We are gathered here today..."
Jennifer let the words wash over her, only dimly following what she knew were the off-repeated words of the memorial service. The General's voice sounded weary, his face and the faces of those around her reflecting a sad acceptance of the fate of SG-17 and the necessity of such a gathering. As for herself, she felt like she'd been unbelievably naive before this moment. Intellectually, she knew of the threat of the Goa'uld and the 'war', but she hadn't really believed it, until it touched her personally. Until Steven...she shivered and felt a frightening sense of relief as both Grace and Paul pressed in closer to her, fortifying her with their unspoken support.
Jennifer was jerked out of her sad introspection by the sudden activation of the Stargate. Hammond had stopped speaking and she watched, somehow still able to feel the awesome power present as the wheel rotated; the excitement she could literally feel from everyone present, even though the reason for activation was somber. The last chevron engaged and she found herself holding her breath as the energy vortex materialized in a magnificent rush of power. What had Steven thought, she wondered, tears filling her eyes as he imagined the look of amazed wonder that must have filled his eyes. The rush of adrenaline and excitement he'd felt as he walked up the ramp to the shimmering pool that was a gateway to worlds unknown. That first step through the event horizon, she smiled bleakly; and then the inevitable nausea. She gave Grace a grateful look when she surreptitiously slipped a tissue into her cold hand.
Focusing once more on what was occurring with the ceremony, Jennifer watched as Doctor Jackson and Major Carter solemnly walked up the ramp carrying a memorial wreath between them. They stopped at the brink of the gate and the Sergeant-at-arms snapped, "Attention!" Automatically stiffening her spine and keeping her eyes fixed straight ahead; the notes of the single bugle playing 'Taps' a solemn backdrop as she saluted and watched while Jackson and Carter released the wreath into the event horizon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jennifer watched as Major Carter walked down the stairs and out to her car, only now--when she was alone--allowing the tears to fall as she slowly absorbed the message the older woman had brought her. Quietly closing the door, Jennifer leaned back against it, fumbling in the pocket of her sweater for a tissue. It had been almost three weeks since the memorial service at the SGC, and she thought she had finally run out of tears, but the Major's visit had brought her grief roaring back up to the surface. It had almost been a repeat of the Saturday morning when Carter and O'Neill had shown up on her doorstep to tell her the news about Steven. Only this time, Major Carter had been alone and dressed in civvies.
"May I come in, Jennifer?"
Jennifer knew she should have been surprised to see Major Carter, but for some reason she wasn't. It was as if she had known there would more. "Yes, ma'am, of course."
The older woman had entered the living room, looking almost uneasy. "I...there's something I need to tell you, Jennifer, about Elliot." Jennifer felt the knot that had been in her stomach since Steven's death suddenly tighten. She walked over to the sofa and sat down, while Major Carter perched on the edge of the armchair. "I can't really tell you any details. But besides giving you his dogtags, Elliot wanted me to tell you something." Jennifer watched apprehensively as Carter took a deep breath before continuing. "He wanted me to tell you that he loves you, and that his only regret is that he waited too long to tell you."
With Major Carter's words, Jennifer unexpectedly felt the knot in her stomach loosen. She managed a brief smile, "Thank you, ma'am, for telling me."
Carter had stood then, and Jennifer followed her to the door. The older woman had just put her hand on the doorknob, when she turned back to Jennifer, her expression suddenly urgent. "Don't let yourself have any regrets, Jennifer. Life is too short to not fight for what you believe in and what you love."
Confused by the intensity in Major Carter's voice and her somewhat cryptic message, Jennifer had merely nodded. That had seemed to satisfy the Major, as she nodded and then opened the door, walking out into the bright and sunny day.
Jennifer had known Steven had loved her, even if she had never heard the words from his lips. She hurt more for him now, than for herself, that he'd died regretting that he had never spoken the words to her. Wiping her eyes and blowing her nose, she left the door and walked over to the stereo where she started rummaging through the pile of CD's haphazardly stacked on the floor in front of the unit. Finally finding the one she was looking for, she put it the CD player and turned it on. Tears started filling her eyes again as the familiar overture to Camelot filled the room. Steven's life and death would always be associated with this music now, she realized, and she would cherish forever each memory she had of their brief time together. And, she would have no regrets.
THE END
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