Think Twice
Think Twice
by Noda
TITLE: Think Twice
AUTHOR: Noda
EMAIL: noda@win.bright.net
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: None
SEASON / SEQUEL:
RATING: PG-15
CONTENT WARNINGS: Language, adult theme
SUMMARY: Denying her growing interest in Jack, Sam asks to stay behind on a primitive world. Jack's POV.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
I couldn't believe it. Of the three members of my team who might have requested to stay behind after a mission, Captain Samantha Carter was the last person I would have picked. Daniel Jackson would have been the obvious choice since he'd already "gone native" on Abydos. Teal'c? He was from another planet himself, so I wouldn't have been surprised if he threw in the towel and opted for a place more like his homeworld. But Carter? Air Force brat who not only had an exemplary military career, but a distinguished scientific one as well? She was cashing in her chips to, what, live among a primitive society? Sam Carter? Theoretical astrophysicist?
It wasn't like she'd asked to stay behind because her scientific interests would be challenged. No, her reason was more basic than that. About as basic as you could get actually. His name was Malik. I can't even think his name without gritting my teeth.
In all fairness, I guess I can see how he could win Sam over. Tall, bronze skin, long, wavy black hair. The term "Adonis" comes to mind. When we met him and his people, it probably came to her mind as well. But I'm getting ahead of myself. . . .
The people of P3X-467, or Zamar as they call it, are an off-shoot of the Pueblo Indians from America's southwest. The partial cliff-dweller's had Daniel suitably fascinated. I'm amazed he always seems to pick up on these new languages. Having knowledge of one or two ancient tongues is one thing, but Daniel seems to know a smattering of languages from all over the world. I don't know how he does it, but I'm glad he can. He's saved our asses more than once. Like I said, Daniel staying I could understand. Sam? Unthinkable.
Our mission here has taken longer than the usual reconn. After we discovered we were actually welcome on Zamar, I sent a message home to General Hammond via SG-3 that we were going to spend a few more days gathering additional information. I knew the General wouldn't be too pleased at my change in plans, but Daniel convinced me Zamar was "the find of the century." I smiled to myself wondering how much mileage he planned to get out of that line. We'd been pulling a lot of back-to-back missions and could use a working vacation on a hospitable planet. So, I relented. Plus, I just can't resist when Daniel goes all cute and anthropological on me. Biggest mistake I ever made.
The news we were staying a bit longer seemed to send the natives into paroxysms of ecstasy. An excuse for a party! And boy, did they party. They even drank me under the table, which is saying a lot. Daniel, true-to-form, got giddy on one cup of whatever they called their fermented beverage. Teal'c declined, choosing instead to watch the festivities with a clear head. And then there was Sam. Knocking back the native brewskies like a pro, laughing with their leader Malik and his sister Kela.
I remember smiling at her drunken antics, as she tried to tell a joke. The crowd, at best, understood one word in ten she was saying. An exasperated grin on her face, she called across the fire to me,
"Jack! Help me out here!" I knew she was sloshed when she dropped my rank.
"Sorry, Carter," I said, holding up my hands in defeat. "You got yourself into this, get yourself out."
Her face screwed up into a pout, then she stuck her tongue out at me. Boy, I was going to love telling her about *this* tomorrow! Sticking your tongue out at a ranking officer had to be against the regs somewhere. She was going to be mortified.
"Daniel!" she cried out. "Daniel? Where the hell are you? I need a transponder." She giggled then corrected herself. "I mean a translator."
I couldn't help the grin on my face. It wasn't often I got to see Sam like this, relaxed, having a good time. And she was adorable. If she would have heard me apply the term to her, she probably would have slapped me, stating Air Force captains weren't "adorable." They are when they had a smile like hers.
I wasn't the only one appreciating Sam's charms. Malik couldn't take his eyes off her. He was totally captivated. I can't say that I blame him, but that didn't stop the knot of jealousy I felt welling up in my stomach. It only grew worse when I noticed her returning his heated looks.
I tried to calm down. I didn't have any claims to Sam, other than as a member of my team. Would I have felt that way if Teal'c or Daniel were flirting with one of the women? No, I'd be glad they had some distraction. A way to forget about work for a while. So why wasn't I glad Sam had found a distraction? I knew the answer, but I didn't want to think about it. She's my second in command. A subordinate. Off limits. Every time I had what the military would consider an inappropriate thought about Sam, I'd repeat the words, like a litany, so the rest of my mind wouldn't go there. I'd never really allowed myself to ponder the "what ifs," knowing it's a no-win situation.
But that didn't mean I could passively sit there and watch that muscle-bound demi-god ogle Sam. She had as much right to side-step reality as the rest of us, but I couldn't watch it take place. Each time she flashed that grin at him, it felt like a stab in my chest. So, I excused myself, and headed back for our tents.
"Hey, Teal'c," I said, approaching our encampment. "Had enough excitement for the night?"
"I saw all that I needed to see," he replied.
Short and sweet. That was Teal'c. "Yeah, so did I."
"Where are Danieljackson and Samanthacarter?" he asked.
"I'm not sure about Daniel, but Sa. . .Carter's still at the party."
"I see."
Did he, I wonder? Did he see how it was eating me alive she was yucking it up with Geronimo? I hoped I wasn't that obvious. The alcohol only seemed to enhance my foul mood, so I opted for bed. Things had to look better in the morning.
Daniel, Teal'c and myself were sitting around the fire drinking some of Daniel's vile excuse for coffee. For a guy who lives on the stuff, you think he'd do a better job of making it. The day was already approaching scorching, so I wasn't surprised to see Sam walking up, dressed in shorts and a tank top. Same clothes she had on last night, I noticed.
"That was some party last night, hey guys?" she said, running a hand through her already tousled hair. I didn't have to wonder how *that* happened.
No one answered her, and she started to look nervous. Like a teenager getting caught sneaking in after curfew.
"Nice of you to join us, Captain," I said, looking over the top of my sunglasses.
"Coffee, Sam?" Daniel offered. He could see I was geared for a fight and was trying to forestall the inevitable by exchanging pleasantries with Sam.
"Thanks, Daniel," she said, crouching near the fire. Sam stared at me, as if to say: "At least *someone's* civil."
I didn't have to ask where she was, but I did anyway. "So, Carter. Where'd you spend the night?"
Sam's gaze touched on Teal'c and Daniel before returning to mine. She took a sip of coffee, grimaced, then said,
"Kela and Malik invited me to stay with them."
"And you didn't think you needed to check-in with your C.O. before you took off on your own?"
Sam looked to her team mates again. "Sir?"
"You're on a strange world and you don't feel the need to let us know where you're spending the night?"
Sam must have thought I was joking because she stifled a laugh before looking into my eyes.
"I couldn't have been safer if I was with my own family! Sir!" she added as an afterthought.
"Um, Jack, don't you think you're being a little hard on her? I mean it's not like this is a hostile. . . " Daniel was playing mediator again.
"This is a military matter," I snapped at him. "Stay out of it."
"Sure, Jack," he said rising, brushing the sand from his shorts. "Teal'c, let's see if we can find some more firewood. Or something."
I watch him drag the confused Jaffa off. For a second I wonder how he's going to explain things to Teal'c when he doesn't understand what's going on either.
"So, Carter, what's your excuse?"
"Well, for one thing you'd left. It was a little hard to report to you when I didn't know where you'd gone. *Sir.*" I could tell she was seething.
"And the fact you were drinking a fish didn't impair your judgment?" I tossed back at her.
"Since when did you become my father?" she nearly yelled at me.
"Watch that attitude, Captain!"
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" she asked through clenched teeth. I knew I was probably going to regret it, but I acquiesced.
"Go ahead."
"Exactly what is this about? That I didn't check-in, or that I spent the night with a man?"
"I thought you said you were with Kela *and* Malik?" I fired back. I can feel the jealousy rising in me again.
"I didn't want to offend Daniel's tender sensibilities," she said without cracking a smile. "Speaking of which, if it *had* been Daniel or Teal'c, would you be having this conversation with them?"
"They're not military."
"You seem to pick and choose when that applies," she said, rising. "It goes with the other double standards you have."
"I don't understand," I said, truly confused.
"Colonel, I know if I were a man, military or not, we wouldn't be having this little chat. You'd be patting me on the back for getting laid. Whether I reported in or not." Her eyes went cold, then she looked disappointed.
"You know, I thought you were different. Especially since we've been working together. I thought you accepted me as an equal, that you saw me as more than the sum of my gender."
Ouch. She sure knew how to verbally castrate a guy.
"Permission to be excused, sir?" she asked. I'd never seen such a look of disappointment as the one that crossed her features as she waited to be dismissed.
"Sure," I said lamely.
I watched her enter her tent. God, I felt like an ass! Not only had I alienated Daniel and Teal'c, Sam looked as if she'd been betrayed by her best friend. Maybe she had been. She'd finally let that chip on her shoulder about being a woman in a man's world slip off her shoulder, and there I was, helping her to push it back up.
I was still standing by the fire, trying to find a way to apologize when Sam exited her tent, pack slung over one shoulder.
"Sir, if there are no objections, I'd like to stay in the village to finish my work. Kela and Malik have offered to let me stay with them as long as we're here."
For a moment, I'm speechless. She's really going to leave like this? Move into town over *this?*
"Carter. . ."
"Do I have your permission, Colonel?"
"Granted," I growl.
Sam turned and walked off into the shimmering desert. I couldn't believe I let her walk away. Why didn't I run after her? Tell her the real reason I was hiding behind protocol was because I was jealous? That the thought of that. . .that man with his arms around her was enough to make me want to strangle him? And what did I do instead? Drive her straight into those arms. Could I be any stupider?
Daniel and Teal'c returned about an hour later, Teal'c carrying several artifacts. They must have sensed I was still pissed when I didn't tease Daniel about his "rocks."
"Smoke cleared yet?" Daniel smiled, hoping to joke his way through my mood.
"Oh yeah. One big explosion then it was over."
"Good. I'm glad you guys settled things. Where's Sam?" he asked.
"I didn't say it ended on a good note," I said, fiddling with the gun I was cleaning. "Just a big explosion."
Daniel's patience with me must have been drawing thin, making him bolder than usual.
"What's this all about, Jack?"
"Well, you saw how she was when she came back, practically purring with that 'just fucked' look." I didn't need to see the look on his face to know my crudeness had shocked him.
"Now I get it. Sam 'got some' last night and you didn't. Just because she had better luck than you, was that any reason to rake her over the coals?"
"That's not it! There were more than enough women who would have jumped at the chance to jump me," I said defensively. Okay. So I stretched the truth a bit, but Daniel had already left for the night, so how would he know? Looking at him, I practically saw the light bulb illuminating over his head.
"You're jealous."
"Daniel I just said. . ."
"Not jealous in the sense she had sex. Jealous it wasn't you." I felt like he thought he had to explain it to me like I was a two year-old. *I* knew why I was jealous, I just didn't think I was so obvious. If *Daniel* picked up on it, I must have been broadcasting it for a hundred mile radius!
"It's nothing to be ashamed of," he said, clapping me on the back like he was some worldly guy about to divulge the secret of his sexual success. The very thought of Daniel Jackson offering me advice on women made me want to laugh. The only thing more ludicrous would be taking dating tips from Teal'c.
"After all, she is a beautiful woman," Daniel continued. "Smart, sexy. . ."
"I get it, Danny."
"I mean, if Sha're wasn't in the picture. . . ."
"She is," I reminded him almost vehemently, causing him to smile.
"So why haven't you told *her*?" he asked, looking sideways at me.
"There's this little thing called a 'fraternization policy' for one thing."
"Bullshit, Jack. That's just an excuse. How many regulations do you break on a daily basis?"
"This is a little more serious than omitting a phrase or two from a report. We could both be court martialed for starters." Does he think the thought of how to get around this reg hadn't crossed my mind? I wouldn't have to keep repeating the repercussions to myself if I thought we could get away with it.
But Daniel's right too. It's a good excuse for me not to come clean to Sam. What if she truly did just see me as her commanding officer and a friend? What good would a confession of my interest do if it only served to make her uncomfortable around me? We have a great professional relationship. Or rather did have, until this morning. God, I can be so stupid!
"I'm going for a walk," I announced, jamming my cap on my head.
"Think about it?" Daniel called after me. Like I was going to think about anything else.
I ended up on a ridge, just staring at the activity going on in the village. Even at this distance I can pick Sam out from the natives. That shock of blonde hair was hard to miss. But, to be honest, if her head was covered, and she were dressed as the others, I'd still pick her out. When had I become so familiar with her that I could single her out just from the way she was standing? I doubt I could do that with Daniel and Teal'c.
It always comes back to that. Me comparing my feelings and actions towards Sam against those I have for the other members of my team. Okay. So maybe here in the privacy of my own head I could admit it. I'm interested in Sam as a woman. The fact she's good at her job only makes her more attractive. There. I said it. Was that so hard?
We really needed to talk. Or more appropriately, I needed to apologize. I climbed down the hill, practically skidding the last few feet of the steep incline. It was still a bit of a walk to the edge of the town at the base of the cliffs. Wiping my hands on my shorts, I tried to rationalize their dampness as the heat of the day. I tried to think what I was going to say when I saw her, but my mind drew a blank.
Entering the group of dwellings, I noticed Sam outside one of them. She was hunched down by a fire, trying to cook some type of bread on the hot rocks. I watched her for a minute, impressed by her efforts and the frown of concentration on her face. She never did anything half-way.
Sam must have felt my presence, because she shaded her eyes, looking up at me.
"Colonel," she said, standing. There was a neutralness to her voice, as if she wasn't sure what to expect from me. I couldn't say I blamed her.
"Carter," I started, hoping by using her name rather than her rank she'd drop her defenses a little.
"I came to apologize for how I acted this morning." Sam's shoulders relaxed a bit. She started to pass it off, then said,
"No, it's not okay. I'm sorry, sir, but I can't keep allowing you to treat me different than Teal'c or Daniel." She started to pace back and forth behind the fire pit that separated us.
"I don't think I. . ."
"It's not all the time," she interrupted, "but it is there. I'm not talking about sending me for something that obviously requires Teal'c's superior strength. Or having me make first contact with a new culture when that's Daniel's area of expertise. But there have been times you've sent Daniel into dangerous situations that I'm more qualified to handle. And I think it's because I'm a woman."
I started to go over missions in my head, trying to see if there'd been times I'd sent Daniel or Teal'c into a military situation where I should have sent Sam. Now that I thought about it, I guess I had. But it wasn't because she was a woman. It was because I care about her. Not that I don't care about the others, but my feelings towards Sam *aren't* the same as they are towards Daniel and Teal'c. If my little heart-to-heart with myself on the ridge had shown me anything, it was Sam *was* special to me. If only I could open my mouth and the right words would come out. If only I could make her understand it wasn't a conscious thing.
Just then Malik came out of his adobe home, walking up to Sam, putting his arm around her. I didn't have to speak their language to know he was concerned I was upsetting her. If I could have detached myself from the situation, I might have found it endearing. As it was, I felt my blood begin to boil. What right did he have to be so intimate with her? And she was allowing it! If I'd put my arm around her like that, she would have grabbed me, flung me to the ground and demanded to know if I'd been taken over by a Goa'uld.
That was the difference in her relationships with us--Malik was allowed to touch her, I wasn't. No matter what, there would always be a wall of protocol between us.
She spoke one or two words to him. Her limited vocabulary confused him for a moment, then his face lit up with understanding. Nodding, he chanced a hard glance at me then retreated to his house once more.
"What was that all about?" I asked her.
"I told him I wanted to speak to you alone. Not that he would have understood our words anyway. I just didn't want him to misunderstand your reaction to what I'm going to tell you."
"Now you've got my curiosity piqued," I said, crossing my arms across my chest. I thought she'd already said quite a lot.
"Jack, I'm not going back." Not Colonel. Not sir. This wasn't Captain Carter telling her C.O. she was going AWOL This was Sam telling me she wanted to stay behind.
I was speechless. This had to be a joke! What on this rock could possibly challenge Samantha Carter's intellect? Not that she didn't have other interests, but most of them had to do with space. Other than helping the Zamaran's make a star chart, what would she do? Geeze, Malik must be better in bed than I thought!
"You and Daniel cooked this up, didn't you? To get me back for being such an ass this morning, right?"
"I'm not going to argue the 'ass' point," she smiled slightly. "What happened this morning just underscored what I've been feeling lately. I'm tired of always feeling I have to work twice as hard to get half as far."
"Come on, Sam. It's not like that at SGC."
"No, I have to admit it's not as bad under General Hammond, but it's still there. Take our dress uniforms for example. Why do I have a skirt instead of pants? Not that personally I don't enjoy the change from fatigues, but I should be able to wear pants if I would rather."
"I don't get a choice if I want to wear a skirt, so I'd say we were even." Sam ducked her head, trying to hide her smile as she envisioned my knobby knees sticking out from the blue skirt. At least I managed to lighten her mood a little before I had to get back to business again.
"Sam, you can't be serious about this. I mean, he's cute and all," I said, nodding towards the building behind her. "But you expect me to believe you're willing to give up the Stargate program over *him?* Or this business about inequality? If you're so bugged by it, how come this is the first I've heard about it? If you really had a problem with it, you would have said something before now."
"I'm saying it now," she said. "Please, sir. This is what I want."
Now I'm beginning to wonder if *she* hasn't been taken over by a Goa'uld. "You know what General Hammond's going to say if I come back without you."
Sam's lips twitched into the beginning of a grin. "Yeah, I have some idea."
"You know I can't just leave you here."
"There's hundreds of places to hide in this village alone. When you return through the 'gate, just tell them you couldn't find me. It won't be a lie."
"Are you threatening me, Captain?"
"No, sir. Simply stating a fact. Please, Jack. It's better this way," she said, turning back to the bread now burning on the rock. As pissed as I was about her decision, I couldn't help thinking she'd slid into her domestic roll as easily as she rattled off scientific theories. And, God help me, the word "adorable" came to mind again. I really hate that word.
Pulling down on the bill of my cap, I simply turned and left. There was nothing more I could say right now. That didn't mean the subject was closed.
Daniel was in our camp, cataloging artifacts with Teal'c's help.
"Hey, Jack," Daniel said, looking up from his work for a moment.
"O'Neill," Teal'c greeted me.
"Guys. How soon can you be ready to leave?" I asked, causing Daniel to exchange a questioning glance with Teal'c.
"Well, I wanted to analyze these glyphs, try to establish some kind of lexicon. . ."
"How long?" I interrupted him.
"Tomorrow?"
"Tonight," I tell him. "I don't want to spend another night on this damn planet."
Teal'c immediately moved to begin breaking camp as Daniel pulled me aside.
"What's going on, Jack? Why the sudden turn around? Does this have something to do with Sam?" Why did he have to pick today of all days to become observant about the people around him?
"In a way." I sigh, then tell him,
"She says she's staying, Danny. I can't allow that." The emotion in my voice revealed more than I wanted it to.
"She wants to stay *here?*" he asked incredulously. "But *why?*"
"You tell me and we'll both know. All I can tell you is it ain't gonna happen. Even if I have to drag her through the Stargate myself."
"I have to talk to her," he said, standing to stride off towards the village.
"Yeah, you do that," I call after him. "Just don't tell her we're planning on leaving."
Daniel stopped, turning to face me. "How come?"
"She threatened to go into hiding if I tried to take her back. If I'm forced to kidnap my own second-in-command, I don't want her getting a head start."
"Got it," Daniel said, resuming his course towards the town. I hoped he had better luck than I did.
Daniel came back about an hour and a half later. Meanwhile, Teal'c and I had managed to pack most everything away.
"What did you do, Daniel, go for lunch and cocktails? Where the hell have you been?" Being irritated with him wasn't going to help, but I was getting angrier by the minute. Who the hell did Sam think she was putting me in a position like this?
"Jack, what you need to do is talk to Sam. *Honestly.* None of the usual escapism you use."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know, how you manage to hide behind the military and protocol anytime things get too intense. You're not the only one. She does it too."
"Daniel, what the hell are you talking about?"
"I think the reason she wants to stay her is because of her unresolved feelings for you," he said with exasperation.
"She said that?" I couldn't see Sam being that open.
"She didn't have to. Just like you didn't have to. Look, I'm tired, and there's a lot of work I'd like to try to finish before you pull the plug on this mission. Either go find her and work this out or start planning your abduction because I'm through being your go-between."
"Daniel, I love it when you get all macho on me."
"Stop it, Jack. This is what I'm talking about. You're always joking around when things get too emotional. For once just accept the fact you *do* have feelings for her and go do something about them before it's too late." His tone had softened by the time he finished, but his words hit me like a ton of bricks.
"You're right," I agreed. I pulled off my cap, nervously knocked the dust from it, then replaced it. "I guess Captain Carter and I have a few things to straighten out before we leave here."
"Good luck, Jack."
"I'm going to need it," mumbled just under my breath.
Sam watched me approach, and fortunately didn't make good her threat to hide.
"Look, Colonel, Daniel was just here trying to convince me to come back to camp, back to Earth. I told him 'no,' and I really don't have anything to add to our former conversation."
"That's not the only reason why I'm here."
"It's not?" I could tell she was surprised by the way she held her hand over her eyes to look into mine, trying to see if I were serious.
"Carter, Samantha, I have something to say to you that's not easy for me. Hear me out. If you still want to stay here with Malik when I'm done, I won't try to stop you." I was sincere. If I couldn't willingly convince her to come back, there was no point in me dragging her through the Stargate.
I led her over to a well where we both took a seat on the ring of stones surrounding the water hole.
"You're not the only one who's been the beneficiary of Daniel's advice. He's been busier offering his two cent's than cataloging rocks," I said, already casting the blame on him should this fail. Sam smiled at my buck-passing.
"You were saying?" she prompted.
I rubbed my hands together. They'd gone all sweaty again. I really thought this was something that would have gone away with age. I think I was more nervous at that moment than when I asked Sara out on our first date. How hard could it be to tell Sam how much I'd come to care for her?
"Sam," I sighed, "as you can probably tell, this isn't easy for me to say."
"Just spit it out, Jack! I've never known you to *not* have the words to say something."
She's right. I always have something to say on just about every subject, whether it's appropriate or not.
"Do you know why I was mad at you this morning?"
"You said it was because I didn't check-in."
"That wasn't entirely true. I still would have been pissed if you had checked-in. Because of where you spent the night."
"I see," she said, looking down at her fingers twisting together. Looking back up she said,
"The double standard again? The goose can't have what the ganders get without question?"
"Damn it, Sam! I was jealous, okay? Not that you were 'getting some' as Daniel so eloquently put it, but because. . .it. . .wasn't. . .me." I practically whispered the last words, causing Sam to lean closer to hear me.
She looked almost as uncomfortable as I felt. Great. I take Jackson's advice and where did it get me? Sam trying to find the words to tell me she's flattered, but I'm her commanding officer and she just doesn't have those kinds of feelings about me.
"Really? You know, Jack, I never thought I'd hear you say something like that. You don't exactly carry the rule book around in your back pocket, but I didn't think you'd bend on the fraternization policy."
Okay, here it comes. The "I-didn't-think-you'd-be-so-unprofessional" speech. Then she'll say it only reinforces her decision to stay here. That we'll never get back to the rapport we had. Man, did I blow it.
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," I said, standing, hoping to escape with some shred of dignity. The feel of her hand on my arm stopped me.
"Don't I get a chance? You're going to drop a bombshell like this on me and just walk away?"
"Something like that," I smirked. I can't believe how hot her hand feels on my bare arm. It's almost like it's burning me.
"Since Daniel seems to have been giving us the same advice, I guess it's my turn for a confession." Her hand drops away from my forearm and I slowly retake my seat next to her.
"I'm not going to lie to you and say I didn't, and don't find Malik attractive. I have to admit his attention is flattering. I know I complain about not being taken seriously as 'one of the guys,' but then I get annoyed none of you see me as a woman. I seem have my own set of double standards," she smiled. Sam hesitated a moment then looked me straight in the eye.
"I've been having some rather unbefitting thoughts about you. I know the rules as well as you do, maybe better because I actually looked it up to see if there were anyway around it." She must have been embarrassed about that, because her gaze dropped to her hands once more.
"I wasn't sure how you felt, but I had an idea you might feel the same way I did. All I knew was as long as I was under your command, we'd never get a chance to find out. I could have resigned, but I couldn't stay on Earth and not be part of the Stargate program."
"But you could stay here? Come on, Sam! They're nice people but you and this Malik aren't even on the same page! I'm not saying you can't come to appreciate their way of life, but how's he ever going to be able to relate to the person you really are? Do they even have a concept of what a scientist is? Let alone an astrophysicist?"
Sam giggled. "About as much as you do,"
I gave her a warning glance. At least she was back to teasing me. That had to be a good sign.
"I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but I actually *do* feel something for these people. I can't explain it. I've never felt like this before. I've never 'connected' to any of the natives on the planets we've visited. Not like Daniel does. Frankly, part of the attraction is my wanting to know *why* I feel this way. I can't explain it," she said again.
"Maybe you were an Indian in a former life," I joked.
"As a scientist, I'm not sure I believe in the concept, but there's another part of me that's wondering if that might not be true."
"I was kidding, Sam!"
"Jack, we've been through a lot stranger things than this. I don't know that the thought is so far fetched."
She did have a point. A few years ago if someone would have told me I would be tripping around the galaxy thorough technologically engineered wormholes after body-snatching aliens, I would have told them they needed to end their subscription to the Sci-Fi channel. But we were getting off track. Sam still didn't answer my questions.
"Are you running away?"
"Not much for small talk," she smiled, unwittingly quoting General Hammond. Then Sam sighed. "I suppose I am. Probably why I jumped on my feminist band-wagon again. It was easier than admitting to you how I felt."
"You said you had 'unbefitting thoughts.' What did you mean by that?"
"You're not stupid, Jack, what do you think it means?" her voice rose as she became defensive.
"I'd like to think it means you're attracted to me. Maybe even romantically," I venture. Sam didn't answer, just kept her head down and nodded. It was odd seeing her so shy like this. She's usually so sure of herself.
Gathering up my courage, I lay my soul bare. It felt like I was jumping off a cliff, wondering how far it is to the ground or if there'll be a branch I could grab on the way down.
"I feel the same thing."
"You do?" she asked, head popping up.
"Half the reason I don't quit the SGC is because of you." I might as well tell her everything. My old man was always fond of the phrase, "in for a penny, in for a pound."
"I don't understand, Jack. You love your work! You've told me yourself how it's changed your life!"
"Granted, that first trip to Abydos gave me a new lease on life, but I wasn't sure I wanted to be in the Air Force again. I'd done my time. Been there, done that."
"But the Stargate program isn't like that! Everyday it's like going to a different job."
"And that's part of the reason why I stay. You're the other reason." Shouldn't this confession stuff be getting easier? It feels like with each revelation I'm being stripped naked. Exposing myself more than I ever thought possible. Did Sam realize the kind of trust I was putting in her?
"Just the thought of knowing I'm going to see you in the morning makes me want to get up and come to work. If I come across something I find interesting, my first thought is, 'what would Sam make of this?' I don't know when it started happening. I sure as hell didn't plan on it."
"I know what you mean," she said quietly. "Half the time I say things just to see what will come out of your mouth. I didn't plan on this either, Jack. I've always known getting involved with someone you work with isn't a good idea. And then, when the object of your affection is your commanding officer. . . . Well, you see my point."
Object of her affection. I liked the sound of that.
"I don't want to jeopardize your career, Jack. I care about you too much to do that to you. Plus, I really *am* happy with these people."
"Sam, we don't have to decide anything today. Just don't stay here and take away any opportunity we have for working this out."
She was silent for a few minutes. I could see her brain working, weighing the odds of staying or returning with us.
"I was trying to make you jealous," she disclosed. "I'm not proud of it, but I think part of the reason I encouraged Malik was because I could see it was bugging you. I guess it made me feel like this wasn't so one-sided."
Sam looked at me again. " Not that I didn't find him attractive in his own right, but I wanted him to be you," she said
I looked down at my body, chuckling. "You've got one hell of an imagination, Carter. So, Captain. You coming with us?"
The air was tense as I waited for her answer. I had no more aces up my sleeve. If she still chose to stay with the Zamarans after my confession, there wasn't a lot I could do about it. Sam bit her lip, looking back to the adobe dwelling where Malik and Kela lived.
"Can you give me some time with them? To say good-bye? It's not going to be easy with the few words Daniel taught me."
"Sure," I said. "We're packed up, ready to go when you are."
Sam nodded her head. I could see she was trying to keep the tears welling in her eyes from spilling over. She really did have a thing for these people.
"Come're" I said, pulling her into a hug. I tried not to think about how good she felt in my arms. After all, we'd just agreed to take things one step at a time.
"Thanks, Jack," she whispered into my chest. Reluctantly, I let her go, watching her walk towards Malik's house. The only thought in my head was the next time she was in my arms, she wasn't getting away so easily.
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