Procrastination 13: Major Dilemma
Procrastination 13: Major Dilemma
by Newromantic
Summary: Plot-Free Ship! Yay!
Category: Humor, Romance
Season: Season 5
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 04/14/03
Disclaimer: All characters from Stargate SG1 belong to someone else. No, really. Hey, I'm as surprised as you are.
Authors Note: Okay, this is a little interlude in the plot (plot?) so don't expect anything other than sappy stuff.
Oh, and nudity. Lots and lots of nudity. Heh.
Procrastination
Chapter 13: Major Dilemma
When Jack awoke it took his sleep-fogged mind a few minutes to remember what had happened. He had a vague recollection of slinging Daniel over his shoulder fireman-style with the intent of dropping him in the pool of water they had been using since they arrived on the planet, a slightly clearer memory of some Ninja-type sneaking up behind the archaeologist whilst he and Carter were losing consciousness, and a rather vivid image of his major's butt swinging gently from side to side as she walked before him.
Left leg, right leg, left leg...Mmm.
Something stirred suddenly on the lower half of his body and Jack groaned in frustration. Opening his eyes he blinked a couple of times, his pupils adjusting to the sudden onslaught of bright light. Slowly his vision cleared and he could finally take in his surroundings.
Oh, nice surroundings.
To his distaste, Jack found himself in a large, circular room that had been decorated in light purple drapes and a myriad of candles. From the ceiling extended a tacky looking chandelier and cheesy elevator music was being played from speakers hidden somewhere behind one of the nine ceiling-to-floor mirrors.
A Whore's Boudoir, Jack thought to himself incredulously as he shifted his body a little in an attempt to get into a sitting position.
His lower torso jerked again and he glanced irritatingly down at the arm lying heavily across his hips.
The uh,
The arm that...um
Why was there an arm lying on his groin?
Memories of a misspent youth with alcoholically attractive women caused Jack to be suddenly terrified at the prospect of looking at the face of the person attached; instead he tentatively reached his hand forward and extended his index finger, gently poking at the random limb. When it didn't do anything, he tried again -a little harder.
This time the person attached to the arm groaned a little and taking a deep, steadying breath, Jack forced his vision to follow the line of naked skin all the way up to the facial area.
Oh, yeah...
Carter was lying next to him on the large purple bed, her face buried in the purple pillows, her apparent nudity covered only by a thin purple silk sheet. The whole situation caused a suddenly very aroused Jack O'Neill to wonder why whoever had captured them (and remind him to send them a thank you note later...) had deemed it necessary to remove his 2IC's BDU's.
Was it possible to split your face open just by grinning?
Of course, the sudden realisation that he was also naked dampened his sprits somewhat, particularly when he noticed that the tent rapidly forming in the purple sheet was causing her wrist to rise along with it - a situation that could prove somewhat embarrassing unless he moved it right now.
Right.
Now.
Jack stared at his own, apparently insubordinate right arm, giving it his best Mean-and-moody-air-force-colonel glare in an attempt to get it to shift.
Arm was having none of it.
He tried moving his left arm instead. Left arm was much more reliable. It had never let him down in the past. As a matter of fact left arm was...
..n't moving either.
This time Jack glared at both arms, threatening them with everything from pink nail polish to amputation but apparently they were enjoying his potentially embarrassing moment a lot more than they should be.
Carter's subconscious, however, seemed to have more control over her limbs than he had over his and as such her hand shifted slightly causing the temperature in the room to go up ten degrees - and the `tent' along with it.
Jack groaned involuntarily and right arm finally took pity on him. He reached out his hand and got a secure grip on her wrist before gently elevating the offending limb in the air. He was doing fine and was, in actual fact, quite pleased with his self-restrained ability to avoid peeking under the sheet until a sudden jerking movement from the sleeping Major caused Jack to jump in shock and he let go of her arm, causing it to fall ungraciously - and heavily - back onto his lap.
A high-pitched yelp and a surprisingly good impression of Bella Lugosi's vampire (sitting bolt upright in his coffin) later and the whole `tent' episode was no longer a problem.
Bruises and infertility, maybe...but the tent was gone.
And still she slept.
Wiping his watering eyes, Jack took the opportunity to check the damage caused to his groin and, satisfied that it was nothing serious or permanent, he returned his attentions to figuring out what the hell was going on.
His brain had just got as far as wondering whether or not it would now be alright to wake her when she moved again.
Sighing and murmuring in a very cute fashion that caused the Colonel's heart to melt just a little more, the Major turned onto her side and snuggled up against his now frozen body.
Oh, now this was just too much, he thought exasperatedly and placed his arm on her side with the intention of pushing against her in the hopes that she would just roll away.
Arm, it seemed, had other plans. Again.
Despite a direct order, arm had decided that instead of pushing Carter away - and thereby upholding the regulations Jack had lived by for so long, it would be more fun to wrap gently around her and pull her closer into his (also very bad) body.
Sam murmured again (so cute) and snuggled her face into his neck.
All of a sudden Jack found he could recite the Air Force Manual word-for-word.
Shame that never happened during his exams...
He shuddered as he felt the first exhalation of her sweet breath on his face - which was probably due to the Hershey bar they had shared the afternoon before, and tried in vain to mentally stem the flow of blood rushing south.
Of course, the fact that her hand was currently burrowing under the sheet to rub gently against the soft hairs on his chest didn't help.
Deciding that his best course of action would be to wake her like a true soldier should be woken - by barking an order for her to get up in her ear, he leaned over and placed his mouth next to her cheek...
Big mistake.
Turns out she had a rather attractive ear and Jack had the sudden overwhelming urge to lick the lobe.
Which was weird.
He bolted back into his original position and exhaled noisily, then moved forward, ready to give it another go.
Right. Shout her name really loudly...no, no shout her rank really loudly...or her name and her rank. Yeah, that'd work. He took a deep breath and leaned over.
"Carterrrrrr." He crooned gently.
Well that went well.
Still, it did work to an extent - only not quite the way he had planned.
Instead of shooting out of bed and saluting him (In the nude. Nice imagery) she moved in closer and pressed her entire body up against him, murmuring his name in response.
Suffice to say, total-complete-bewilderment-and-shock didn't really cover what the Colonel was feeling at that moment.
But horny-as-hell did.
Footnote: Oh, I thoroughly enjoyed writing that! Feedback is a good thing...
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Newromantic
Heliopolis Main Archive
A Stargate: SG-1 Fanfiction Site
Procrastination 13: Major Dilemma
by NewromanticSite Navigation
Support Heliopolis