Procrastination 18: Desperation
Procrastination 18: Desperation
by Newromantic
Summary: More shippy nonsense.
Category: Humor, Romance
Season: any Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 07/13/03
Disclaimer: I'm thinking of petitioning for timeshare...
Procrastination
Chapter 18: Desperation
Calies left them alone soon after Jack's nervous breakdown and went to see how the seamstresses were getting along making the officers new clothing.
Sam stared into the inviting pool for a while, the softly rippling water having an almost hypnotic effect on her; calling to her, inviting her to sample it's soothing, cool depths.
Blinking, she refocused on the Colonel, who had slid down the wall and was leaning his head back against the hard rock, his eyes closed as if in prayer. "I guess we should bathe sir," she said after a moment.
Jack opened his eyes with a start and stared at her uncertainly until she felt compelled to add, "I mean separately, of course. There must be some way we can go about this without losing our...dignity."
Nodding, he stood up again and looked about the sparse room, his entire demeanour suddenly all business. "Right," he agreed. "There's nowhere for either of us to wait while the other gets clean, so how about we construct a makeshift tent with our sheets?"
"That's a good idea sir," Sam replied slowly, "but what are we going to wear when we're making the tent?"
"Good point."
Sam looked back at the pool to try and hide her grin. "Yes sir." Pausing for a minute, she glanced back at her CO and nervously began to twist the corner of her sheet between her fingers. "By the way, I'd like to apologise for the attitude I gave you earlier." she gave the Colonel her best repentant look. "I was out of line speaking the way I did and I..."
"Never mind, Carter," Jack replied quickly. "This is an unusual situation to say the least and we're both feeling a little..." frustrated..."tense."
Sam nodded, but still felt the need to continue. "Nevertheless, you are my superior officer and I was being insubordinate. I completely understand if you want to reprimand me or...whatever."
Jack blinked. Right now he could think of about five hundred different things he wanted to do to her, but reprimanding her didn't even make the list. However, one of the countless problems with wearing nothing but a sheet was that it made it incredibly difficult to hide the direction in which his thoughts were heading, so instead he just held his hand up to silence her and replied with a curt, "apology accepted, major."
Sam sighed and nodded. "Thank you sir."
They stood in complete silence for a moment, both trying to concentrate on figuring out a solution to their problem, but both all to aware of the almost naked person standing close by.
After five minutes of trying not to stare too obviously at the Majors chest (the shadow of which he had recently discovered was rather noticeable through the purple material) Jack growled in frustration and started to pace around the room, desperately feeling the walls for any sign of secret passageway or hidden compartment - anything that would help get him the hell outta Dodge.
"It's no good, sir," Sam said with a sigh. "There's only two ways we can do this. Either we trust the other to turn their back, or..."
"Or!" Jack interjected, his voice betraying the panic rushing through his system, "I like the sound of or."
Sam shook her head. "I don't think you'll like this `or' sir," she replied with a nervous laugh. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she finished her sentence and waited for the world to end.
"Or, we'll have to bathe together."
As the words penetrated through his skull and into his brain, Jack could have sworn he felt the world tip and he steadied himself against the nearest wall for support.
"Told you you wouldn't like it," Sam muttered as her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, "but I can't see another way around our situation."
Jack was no longer listening. Images of sharing a candlelit, scented bath with the woman he had dreamed about for the last five years assaulted his senses and, despite the scant covering of the sheet, his body began to react in the most obvious way possible. Quickly, he turned his back to her and tried to hide his burgeoning arousal, but it was too late. Sam had seen everything.
And was quite impressed with the view.
With a raised eyebrow and an unsteady heart, Sam walked over to the pool and crouched down at the edge. "I guess we don't have to take a bath," she said quietly," after all it's not as if they have hidden cameras in here." She turned back and regarded the Colonel who had suddenly found a section of wall incredibly interesting. "We could just splash ourselves a little and tell them...Oh!"
There was a loud splash and Jack turned in time to see the Major coming up for air. She spluttered for a few seconds, running her hands over her face in an attempt to get her hair out of her eyes. "I fell in," she said unnecessarily.
"Yeah, I got that," Jack replied, desperately hoping that she would have the common sense to keep her shoulders below the water. "So, no need to pretend then."
Sam snorted, "apparently not." She began to rise up slightly, her shoulders appearing above the water and Jack panicked. "Don't move!" he yelled suddenly and Sam looked around frantically. "What?"
You're sheet..." The Colonel managed to blurt out before his ability to speak disappeared altogether and all he was left with was the need to point shakily at the purple material floating on top of the water, away from the Majors naked body.
Sam had never moved so fast in her life. Before he could blink she had re-submerged herself beneath the water until she was covered up to her chin. "Oh, God," she muttered to herself, closing her eyes in humiliation. "Ohgodohgodohgod."
Had the situation not been as dire as it was right at that moment, Jack would almost certainly have found something to laugh about. But, at that given moment all either of them could think about was what in the hell they were supposed to do next.
Okay, so it wasn't all they were thinking about, but it was the most important.
Sam floated towards the edge of the pool and pressed herself right up against the side, treading water as her brain went into overdrive. "Can you grab my sheet, sir?" she asked after a moment.
Still stunned into silence, Jack nodded and made his way over to the edge of the pool, leaning over as far as possible to try and reach the purple material.
Just as he had hooked a finger over it and was pulling it towards the edge, he felt a sudden shove against his spine and he too went tumbling head first into the water.
As he surfaced he had the foresight to check his sheet was still tied securely around his waist before making any sudden movements.
The sheet was gone.
In fact, the sheet was nowhere in the vicinity of either the Colonel or the Major and, confused, Jack looked around.
Shock, quickly followed by frustration marred his face as he noticed the makeshift toga was no floating, apparently by itself, out of the doorway and into the adjoining chamber.
"Carter...?" he began uncertainly, but Sam had seen the anomaly already and was watching with unconcealed curiosity.
"How in the hell...?" she muttered as the she purple sheet disappeared from view.
Neither moved for a couple of minutes, both completely sidetracked by the strange goings-on. Finally, Jack came to his senses and had a horrifying epiphany.
"Uh, we're naked." he blurted out as he covered his genitals with his hands whilst trying not to drown.
Sam pressed herself even closer to the side of the bath. "Yessir. We are."
Jack nodded and looked about him again. "So what do we do now?"
"I have absolutely no idea, sir," she replied with a shake of her head. "I'm still caught up in the fact that your sheet just flew out of the room."
"Oh."
"And mine's too wet to be of any use."
"Right."
Sam thought for a moment. "They said they were usually non-corporeal, didn't they?"
Jack blinked a few times. "Yeah...and?"
"And," Sam continued, her brain working away as she spoke, "it seems to me that the only way that sheet could have floated away like that was if someone was carrying it."
The Colonel finally caught up. "So you're saying one of these...people...stole my sheet?"
Sam thought for a moment. "Yeah, pretty much."
"Well why would they do that?" he asked, his voice rising a few octaves.
Sometimes Sam hated being the brains of the operation. "Because they want us to mate sir."
A funny little squeaking sound emitted from Jacks throat. It sounded a little like "They do?" and Sam felt compelled to take it as such.
"Well Calies seemed pretty insistent, sir," she replied, desperately trying to keep some modicum of military protocol in the proceedings.
"Right," Jack nodded. "So what do we do now?"
Sam sighed. "I have no idea, but whatever we decide I have the distinct feeling that they're going to know. After all, just because we can't see them, doesn't mean they can't see us."
"And they obviously want us to...mate," Jack agreed, "otherwise why would they have taken my sheet and thrown us in the pool?"
Sam closed her eyes and leant her chin against the edge, silently praying for some miracle that would get them out of this.
Nothing happened.
Growling in frustration, Sam turned to face the Colonel, making sure that her shoulders remained below water level, her eyes defiantly daring him to look down. "I guess we'll have to give them a show then," she said huskily and took a determined step forward.
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