Into The Night
Into The Night
by Newromantic
Title: Into The Night
Author: Newromantic
Email: Newromantic@Bolt.com
Category: Drabble
Episode related: 403 Upgrades
Season: any Season
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Small spoilers for a few episodes.
Bit sappy, but then I'm feeling a bit sappy so.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Into The Night
'I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand.
If I can't be with you then why does my heart Tell me that I can?
Is there any way that I can stay
In you arms?'
Daniel Beddingfield
It's the middle of the night and I'm watching her sleep. I do that alot.
It seems as if it's the only thing that can relax me these days - especially on missions. Years in the Military have taught me to sleep light, with one ear open to things go bump in the night, but recently I've found I can't sleep at all unless I'm watching Carter. You see she has this way of sleeping that always puts me at ease. She always falls asleep facing me, as if she knows how much I need to see her if I am to have any hope at all of catching a few Z's before morning. I don't think she's noticed, but I try to make a point of putting her on third watch, after Daniel, but before Teal'c. This way I'm usually sound asleep by the time she wakes up; so she never knows I spend my waking time staring. At first I thought it was just because I needed someone else to regulate my breathing, so I would watch her chest softly rise and fall beneath the comfort and warmth of her sleeping bag. But one night, about four months ago, my insomnia was at it's worst, and I hadn't slept in three days. Even her breathing couldn't calm me and I realised there was no way I was going to sleep that night, so I contented myself with studying my Major. I committed to memory every line, every curve on her face. The way her long eyelashes softly swept over her cheeks as she fell into a REM cycle, how her cheeks reddened slightly over her pale face and her lips opened into a soft smile as she sighed quietly in contentment. Whatever she was dreaming must have been good. It was that night when I realised I was in love with her.
Funnily enough, as soon as I'd had my epiphany I almost immediately fell asleep. And so it goes. Every night after Daniel relieves my watch I quietly creep into my sleeping bag and turn on my side so I can watch Carter sleep. And every night I have to fight the urge inside me so strong to reach out and touch her. To let her know I still care, and that nothing anyone says or does to either of us can ever change that. But perhaps just this once...
I know he's watching me. I can feel his eyes on me, boaring their way deep into my soul. Even in sleep I know he's staring. My dreams have convinced me of this, and as I conjure pictures into my mind, I can't help but smile at their memory. I know from experience that every morning has an oppressive weight hanging over it, telling us that this day could be our last. The Military regulations that hold our team together so well have also served to tear me apart inside. And so I spend each watch learning about my Colonel. I study his face as intently as I know he has studied mine. Taking in his weathered, yet still handsome face. The worry lines that frame his closed eyes, and the cheeky smile that curves at the corners of his mouth, even in sleep. I know how I feel about him. I admitted it to myself a long time before I was forced to admit it to anyone else. Even before my counterpart paid her unexpected visit. This knowledge has gotten me through the hardest of days. Without him I know the job would have broken me a long time ago, but I soldier on, knowing that wherever I go he is always beside me. Protecting me as I have sworn to protect him.
I sleep always at his side. Our bags placed carefully next to each other's. I want him to watch me sleep, I know it helps him relax. And so I face him in the night, giving him unspoken access to my very soul. The temptation to open my eyes is strong. I want to catch him looking at me, to spend a few stolen moments looking into his eyes, losing myself in what might have been in another time, another place.
Just as I am about to deny this sweet temptation for another night, I feel a hand on my face. Fingers stroking my cheek, a touch so soft I can barely feel it, but I know it's him. My heart feels as though it's going to beat through my chest to freedom as I slowly open my eyes and find myself lost in him.
She's awake. She's awake and she's looking right at me. I can't breath. I feel myself drowning in her. I can see the flecks of gold sparkling in her eyes, which have grown huge in surprise and wonder. But that is not all I see. She is looking at me with barely disguised emotions. I can feel the heat from her cheek emanating into my palm, which seems to have frozen in surprise. I thought she was sleeping soundly, but I should have remembered she has been trained too. Looking at her in this dim light, the wide-eyed innocence that forms on her face, it is hard to believe that she has been taught to fight and to kill as I have. My Major is an excellent soldier, a fighter who can hold her own with the best of them. My doctor is a genius who can defy the laws of Physics in order to bring a selfish old Air Force Colonel home. My Sam - my Sam is the one who is looking at me right now, with eyes full of love and adoration, as, I am sure, are mine. Her hand has surfaced from her sleeping bag and is now covering mine, adding more warmth to our skin.
I smile at her quietly, answering in the affirmative at her questioning voice, and she moves closer.
Jack. The name sounds wrong in my head, and I acknowledge with some degree of sorrow that this is merely another addition to the long list of reasons why we cannot have what we want. And so I whisper something else. A word that under normal circumstances ensures we keep our distance. But tonight it has brought us closer together. Such a small word, but infinitely powerful in its meaning. 'Sir...'
Tonight it is a question, and his smile is my answer.
I move closer, turning in my restrictive sleeping bag to face away from him. I close my eyes as I feel his arm snake around my waist and draw me further into his warm body. His head dips as he places a soft kiss at the nape of my neck, causing me to sigh in contentment. Finally he is asleep. I can feel his steady breathing on my neck, and I smile. The planet we are on is safe as far as we can tell, and although I know Daniel will wake me soon to take my place as protector of my surrogate family, I don't mind if he sees because I know he will understand. I know I shouldn't have opened my eyes in the first place, but I have no regrets. And as I feel a wave of drowsiness wash over me, I cannot help but close my hand around my Colonel's and smile in contentment as I close my eyes and let the night claim me.
End.
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