Reaffirmation
Reaffirmation
by Newromantic Ony 80s children will get that
Title: Reaffirmation
Author: Newromantic Ony 80s children will get that
Email: Newromantic@Bolt.com
Category: Drabble
Episode related: 609 Allegiance
Season: Season 6
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Missing Scene and Sequel to Allegiance.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Reaffirmation
Jack watched as Jacob and Sam walked slowly out of the makeshift interrogation room. He knew full well that whatever they were discussing was a private matter between father and daughter, but curiosity got the better of the intrepid Colonel, and he followed anyway.
Keeping a safe distance between himself and the Carters, O'Neill watched as they sat down on a fallen tree trunk overlooking the Alpha Sites main water supply...a large waterfall cascading gracefully down into what could only be described as the purest body of water ever seen by the Tau'ri. Major Carter leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees, and framing her face with her hands she stared vacantly at the sight before her. O'Neill moved forward silently and positioned himself behind a tree, still out of sight but within perfect audio range. He knew from experience that something was troubling his second in command, but he also knew that trying to get her to open up was something akin to getting proverbial blood out of a stone. He heard Jacob clear his throat, as if preparing to initiate a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation, and Jack smiled. If anyone could get Carter to confess it would be her father. 'So, Sam.' Jacob began.
Carter turned her head and looked briefly at her father, then back to the waterfall. 'Dad' She murmured. Silence reigned for a long moment before Jacob worked up the courage to speak again. 'You never did tell me what happened.' Sam sighed 'What happened when?'
'When you and Jack were tested.'
'Oh.' She looked out over the water. It really was a beautiful view. 'If it's all the same dad' she said slowly, carefully checking the impetus on each word 'I'd rather not talk about it.' Silence filled the air once more, and Jack let out the breath he hadn't realised he had been holding...only to let it catch again as Jacob continued. 'The thing is, I think Anise may have only told me half the story.' Sam looked at her father, letting her arms fall to her lap 'And what exactly did she tell you?' 'Not much really. She said you and Jack had been tested and that the results the first time round said you were Za'tarcs, but somehow you managed to prove that you were both okay.' 'And she didn't say how?'
Jacob shook his head. 'No. She said it was a private matter and it wasn't her place to say anything.' Sam smiled. Maybe Anise wasn't as vindictive as they all thought, she mused. 'Well, I guess she was right. As far as things go, it was a pretty horrific day. What with Martouf and all.' 'Well, if it means anything, Lantash is doing okay. He's still healing so he's not ready for a host...even if we had one.' Jacob looked at his daughter who was staring intently at her feet. 'Did you love him?' 'Martouf? No. I have memories of how Jolinar felt for him. And for a while there I was confusing her emotions with mine. But I've had time to learn how to separate my feelings from hers and I realised it was never me who felt that way for him.' She looked up at her father, her eyes bright blue with moist tears refusing to fall. 'I cared for him a lot. Like I care for Daniel, and Teal'c.' 'And Jack?'
She looked at her feet once more, wondering if he'd notice if she changed the subject. 'Sam?'
From his hiding place Jack leant heavily against the tree, his heart beating so fast he was convinced it was going to explode. He badly wanted to hear her answer, he needed to know if she still felt the same way she had two years ago, but he couldn't bring himself to see her suffering like this. So, taking a deep breath, he stepped out from his hiding place and walked over to where they were sitting. 'Carter.'
Sam's head snapped round to look at her superior officer as he walked towards her. Her face was impassive, but Jack could see the look of relief in her eyes. 'Sir?' She stood up and turned around to face him. 'Frasier wants to see you. She said she could use your help.' The lie tripped easily off his tongue and he turned to look at Jacob. 'I'm sorry to interrupt you, but the Doc said it was pretty important.' 'Thanks, Sir. I'll go now.' Sam smiled and started to move away from her father. 'We'll finish this conversation later, Sam.' Jacob said as he walked towards Malik who was talking animatedly to another Tok'ra. Carter wondered briefly if his last statement was a promise or a warning. But she figured she would have to find out eventually, so dismissing the thought from her mind, she fell in step with Colonel O'Neill as they moved towards the medical tent. 'Do you know what Janet needs my help with?' she asked as they neared their destination. Jack stopped walking and turned to look at her, a sheepish grin tugging at the corners of his lips. 'Ah, she didn't.' he looked at his feet. 'Sir?' confusion clouded Sam's face.
'Well,' confession time. 'I sort of...caught...some of your conversation, and well, I thought...' 'You thought I needed rescuing.' She glanced at her superior, her cheeks reddening slightly. 'Yeah.' Jack looked up from the floor and stared over her shoulder into the distance before walking again. 'Thank you.' Sam's voice was barely above a whisper, and she looked at O'Neill, wondering if he had even heard her. He had. And at that moment he was staring directly at her. Their eyes met and for a moment Carter found herself drowning. Teal'c's voice coming over the static on the radio broke their silent reverie and O'Neill was the first to look away. He fumbled for his radio and depressed the button allowing him to talk. 'Yeah, Teal'c, I read you.'
'Doctor Frasier has completed the autopsy, and wishes you and Major Carter to be present.' Jack glanced once more at his second, who was staring at the radio in his hand; her eyes still haunted by conflicting emotions. 'We're on our way.'
Janet looked over at her friend, concern marring her face. Sam had been quiet and withdrawn since their return from the Alpha Site nearly a week earlier. And now, sat in the Commissary, a mere three hours before she was due to visit a previously uncharted planet - which would usually have her squirming in her seat with excitement - Sam looked depressed. 'So, are you going to tell me what's up, or am I going to have to force it out of you?' the doctor smiled kindly at the Major. 'It's nothing Janet, really. I was just thinking about P3X856. The malp showed the atmospheric temperature to be a lot higher than I'd like.' 'You're lying.' Janet stated bluntly. Sam looked at her in surprise, as she continued. 'You know full well that the temperature's not a real problem. You've got your suncream, your glasses and hat and the reason you're going is to see the ruins...which are undercover. You can't fool me Sam, I've known you too long.' She smiled at her friend. 'Besides, you've been like this since we got back from the Alpha Site. So, be honest with me and tell me what happened.' Sam looked at Janet; 'It's a long story...' she began warily. 'So give me the edited version.'
It's just that something happened at the Alpha Site that bought back a few memories I've been trying to forget.' 'The Za'tarc machine.'
Sam looked at Janet in amazement, realising once again just how astute her friend was. 'Yeah.' Carter fell silent once again, but Janet grasped her hand across the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze, urging her to continue. 'You remember what happened the day Martouf died? Well, seeing that machine working again reminded me what we went through...the Colonel and I.' Despite her best attempts, tears began to form in her eyes. Janet knew she would have to tread carefully if she wanted Sam to open up to her. 'And what is it that upset you? Remembering Martouf, or remembering the test?' Sam looked into her coffee cup, as if hoping the answers would be found in there. 'Both, I guess. But I've reconciled Martouf's death with myself, I know I only did what was entirely necessary. So I guess it's... the other thing I'm having problems with.' 'Oh.' For the first time Janet was lost for words. So, instead of offering advice, she sat back in her chair, looked across the table at her best friend and simply said. 'Tell me.' Picking up her napkin from the table, Sam wiped her mouth. She stared resolutely at Janet for a moment, then leant forward in a conspiratorial stance, ready to open her heart out to her friend. 'You remember what happened, right? Well, when we tested the Jaffa and his results showed he was lying, my dad took the opportunity to cross examine me about what happened when I was tested.' 'Janet leant forward. 'And what did you tell him?' 'Nothing. Colonel O'Neill came to my rescue just as I was about to confess everything.' Sam looked at her hands, which were idly tearing the Styrofoam cup into little pieces, then back up at Janet. 'The problem is, these feelings I had, well, I thought I'd at least got them under control, but when I was thanking him for saving me, he looked at me and I realised...' Carter's voice trailed off into silence, but Janet knew that Sam needed to hear herself say it. As if speaking the words she had kept inside her for so long, would somehow exorcise the demons within. 'You realised...'
Sam looked at Janet, tears forming in her eyes. 'I realised I still care. Oh God, Janet' Sam choked ' after all this time, I'm still in love with...' 'Colonel O'Neill!'
Sam looked incredulously at her friend. 'Of course Colonel O'Neill. Who did you think I was talking about?' 'No, Sam. Colonel O'Neill...'
Carter took a moment to register that Janet was no longer looking at her, but she had focused her attention on something directly behind her. Realisation dawned on Sam, and her eyes grew huge with shock before her skin paled significantly and she looked down at the table, then at her friend. Resignation written on her face. 'He's right behind me isn't he?'
Janet, in as much shock as Sam, could only nod, mutely.
It was quite some time before Jack had the chance to talk to Sam about her sudden outburst in the commissary. The visit to P3X856 had been uneventful to say the least, and after less than three hours on the planet SG1 had returned home on the premise that Daniel and SG16 would return the following day to further study the Archaeological findings. Sam had stayed close to Daniel for the entire time and Jack felt it was probably for the best. Strange planets were not the best places to have heart to heart discussions he mused. For the whole time they were there she had followed his orders to the letter, the perfect soldier. But despite him trying several of his favourite jokes on the team, he could not draw a smile onto her face. Jack realised that this atmosphere between them had to be destroyed if they were to ever function properly as a team again, so he resigned himself to having a chat with her on their return. After Carter's outburst in the commissary, Jack vaguely remembered murmuring something about Hammond wanting to go over a last minute briefing with them before they set off, and had hightailed it out of the room before Sam could have the chance to turn and face him. During the meeting she had avoided eye contact, and chose to sit between Teal'c and Janet, who was there to remind them - again - of the dangers of too much exposure to the sun. The debriefing on their return had been no better. When Hammond commented on her lack of input, Sam merely stated that the planet had been a purely archaeological find, and she therefore, had nothing to report. After giving her one of his best 'concerned father' looks Hammond had relented and dismissed the team. And that just about bought Colonel Jack O'Neill up to date as he wandered slowly towards Carter's lab. They had been back for just over two hours and already he had been abandoned by Teal'c for the sake of Kel No Reem, and been unceremoniously kicked out of Daniel's office after accidentally breaking one of his...artefacts. Jack was the undisputed master of work avoidance, but when it came to matters of the heart, he was still a self-confessed amateur. He knew what he wanted to say, that wasn't the issue. The problem was that he didn't know how he was going to say it. Hell, he didn't even know how long he could remain in Carter's office before she noticed him. Apparently not very long.
'Sir.' Sam had swivelled her chair away from her desk and was looking at him expectantly. 'Is there something you wanted? Only I was about to call it a night.' Hell. She had been dreading this moment all afternoon. In fact, she was hoping she could sneak out before he came looking for her. Oh well, the best laid plans... Her heart was beating a tattoo in her chest, and her palms were damp. She could feel her cheeks flushing and Sam hoped to God that the dim lighting in her lab would be kind on her red face and bloodshot eyes. O'Neill, suddenly realised he had been staring and looked quickly away. 'Uh, yeah Carter. We need to talk.' Sam suddenly found her hands extraordinarily interesting. 'We do.' She muttered. Jack closed the door and walked over to her desk. Carter moved her chair to face him as he perched himself on the corner of her desk. After a few moments of awkward silence, O'Neill looked at his second and began. 'About what you said to Doc Frasier earlier.' He swallowed hard as she closed her eyes, wishing herself anywhere but here. Jack had known this was going to be a painful conversation, but now he was here, it seemed he had lost all power of coherent thought. Clearing his throat, he tried again. 'What you said to Janet...well, it was...' 'Private.' Sam looked him in the eye for a moment, then she stood and moved towards the door. 'Look Sir. We really don't need to discuss this. What I said to Janet was confidential. You weren't supposed to hear any of it, and the fact that you did...' 'Means I finally know how you really feel.' It was Jacks turn to interrupt. 'I've waited for so long to hear you say what you did. And when you did, it was, well a bit of a shock, but whether or not I was meant to hear it is irrelevant.' He continued. 'The point is, Carter, I did hear it. And what's more I'm glad I did. At least now I know the truth.' Jacks words shocked his second to the core, and she slid down the wall into a sitting position, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. 'So what now?' she whispered as Jack moved to sit next to her. 'Now, I think in return, you should hear my feelings on the matter.' O'Neill's close proximity was unnerving to say the least, but it did remind her of another time. A perfect moment in a far from perfect place. When she felt secure laying her head on his shoulder, his closeness a comfort to her. When she had felt free to love him, and he had felt the same. But now, now she couldn't even look him in the eye. She was dreading hearing him speak the words he was about to say, but she felt unable to stop him. At least this way she would know the truth, and then maybe she could finally move on. Sam had convinced herself long ago that Colonel O'Neill's feelings for her had long since dissipated, but a small flame of hope had been kept alive in her heart. And now she would now the truth. 'Go on.' She urged weakly, her voice barely above a whisper. Jack clasped his hands together tightly, his knuckles turning white with the pressure. 'I, I feel...' he couldn't do it. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn't get the words out. But then, just as he was about to give up, Sam placed her hand gently on his arm and simply said 'please.' Amazingly, this one word was enough to strengthen his resolve, and he began again. 'I tried to forget.' He murmured. ' Every day since that damn test I tried to forget what I had said...what we had both said, but it's difficult, you know?' He looked at Sam for the first time since he had sat beside her, and she lifted her head to meet his eyes, tears flowing freely down her face. At that moment Jack wanted nothing more than to hold her tightly in his arms and let her cry, but he needed to finish what he had started. Instead, he took her hand in his and clasped it tightly. 'I'm no good at these things Carter, you know me better than anyone, but I want you to understand that I still...Oh for cryin' out loud!' Jack admonished himself for being unable to articulate, then took a deep steadying breath before continuing. 'I want you to know that I, I feel the same. As you do. About us I mean.' He finished by closing his eyes and bowing his head. Terrified of what he would see in her eyes if he were to look at her. Sam froze for a moment, her emotions going into overdrive. A million thoughts running through her mind at once. Then, in a moment of sudden clarity, she realised what she had to do. She placed her other hand in his, moved closer and lay her head on his shoulder. Nothing had changed, the regulations still applied, both military and emotional, there was no way they could be together, not yet. Sam smiled sadly. But at least for now, they had this moment. And this moment could keep her going for a long, long time.
End.
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