A Reason To Live
A Reason To Live
by Newromantic
Title: A Reason To Live
Author: Newromantic
Email: Newromantic@Bolt.com
Category: MissingScene/Epilogue
Episode related: 401 Small Victories
Season: Season 4
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Why is Jack always so willing to just give up and die?
Sorry if it's bad, but I seem to be missing my inspiration. Anyone seen it? I know I left it around here somewhere.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
A Reason To Live
With death comes destruction. The inevitability of the two no longer being mutually exclusive is something most people would never spare even the slightest of moments considering.
But we do.
Every time we walk through the Stargate we put our lives, and the lives of our teammates at risk. From the minute we step out on to a new planet until the moment the Iris closes snugly behind us, we are playing Russian Roulette with our own mortality. But I think I can safely say there is nowhere any of us would rather be.
All things considered, I think we cope surprisingly well. This job is the epitome of a high maintenance career, with little or no hope of a social life, and the unending prospects that each day could be the day we end up dead. But how many others could honestly say they lead lives quite like ours?
Last night I had watched the tapes of Colonel O'Neill's transmissions when he was fighting the Replicators on board the Russian Sub. I had to keep rewinding and replaying it towards the end because something was bothering me. For the longest time I couldn't figure out what it was, but then it hit me. Like a lightbulb going off above my head...Okay, somewhat of an understatement; more like a small Nuclear Explosion in my brain. I can't explain why; I mean, it's really unlike me to act before thinking things through as it is, let alone go off half-cocked at a superior officer, but as soon as I realised what was bothering me I shot out of my lab at a sprint that would envy any Olympic runner (okay, now I'm exaggerating - but I was pretty fast).
You'd think the five minute journey to the Colonel's office would have given me time to asses the situation properly, to mull over the pro's and con's of berating one's CO - of dragging him across those proverbial coals...so to speak.
But no.
No. I stormed in there sans appropriate knock and starting yelling at him before even registering the presence of the General.
Oh.
Bugger.
Naturally, the Colonel was stunned to silence, and the General was...let's just say...somewhat disappointed at a certain Major's lack of military protocol.
Anyway, after a very justified and very long dressing down from Hammond, it was the Colonel's turn to berate me.
Then, as is only fair in all things diplomatic, it was my turn.
You see, the part of the recordings that really irked me...no that's unfair. Actually, it worried me; frightened me even, was the fact that once again, Colonel Jack O'Neill, Second In Command of the entire Stargate program, Comedian Extraordinnaire, and the only man to have ever completely stolen my hardened, scientific heart, was prepared to die.
More than that, he actually ordered Daniel to press the button. I can understand that he would rather have died in the explosion than be killed by the Replicators, but it seems to me that for a United States Officer he accepts defeat way too easily, almost as if he wants to die.
I know that before the program began in earnest, back when he and Daniel went through the first time, he was told it was a suicide mission and still he accepted the assignment readily. But back then he had just lost his son, and for all intents and purposes, his wife. And I think that's why it got to me as much as it did - his acceptance of impending doom. Now, years later, and after everything we have been through - not just as SG-1, but also as Jack and Sam, even now he is still prepared to give up his life at the drop of a hat.
So, after much ranting and raving - with all due respect, naturally, I finally ran out of self-righteous steam, and let him explain what was going on in his mind as he prepared himself, once again, to die.
Suffice to say the explanation he gave was more than acceptable, and, much like many of our conversations since the day Martouf died, has been locked safely away behind yet another door. But I will tell you this. As ever we broke no regulations in the course of our discussion, but I did leave his office later that evening much calmer than I entered, and I left smiling.
End.
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