Leaving you
Leaving you
by Nephtys
TITLE: Leaving you
AUTHOR: Nephtys
EMAIL: nephthyssgc@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: Strong angst, Jack/Sara
SPOILERS: None
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship, One kiss, wow !
SUMMARY: It's hard to say goodbye.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately Stargate SG-1 and it's characters are not mine, I'm only borrowing them for now, they can have them back later. In fact I was going to ring General Hammond in the morning and ask him to put SG-1 on stand down for oh....at least another week, they're very handy around the house !But Stargate SG-1 and it's characters are in fact the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions (lucky them) and in my harmless idea of fun no copyright infringement was intended as I am allergic to being sued (no, I am really !) amongst other things. This was written for entertainment purposes only and although I really wish I had a bit of extra cash, no money swapped hands in this process (though if anyone gets it in their heads to make a contribution so I can buy my next ink cartridge and carry on writing, feel free.)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set before the Stargate program begins. I got the idea from the song by Chris DeBurgh - it's what enters my mind everytime I hear it.
It's breaking my heart
I know what I must do,
I hear my country call me.
but I want to be with you.
I'm taking my side,
One of us will lose,
Don't let go, I want to know
That you will wait for me till that day
Reaching for her hand
Showing no emotion
But these are only boys
And I want to know
How they can see the wisdom in war.
Borderline
Chris De Burgh
Sara sat quietly in the kitchen. The early morning light was just starting to trickle in through the window, the birds were starting to converse with each other, there loud and beautiful songs penetrated the morning air, singing out of the hope and freshness of a new morning that had been ironed out creaseless.
The day was here. The morning of January 21st 1991. The day she hoped would never come.
The early hour of the morning was visible by the grey tint still visible on the horizon. It transmitted the sensation of calmness and serenity Sara needed. It seemed to make time stand still, an everlasting hour that would never end.
The morning sun broke through the cloud cover and shone sleepily through the windows, highlighting the tears streaming down the young woman's face as she turned page over page of the morning news. Each page was more graphic than the last.
Large blown-up pictures of such violence and devastation that froze Sara's heart deeply, made her physically sick with grief and dread. Tanks and infantry running across a vast desert, the night sky lit up with weapons fire, the beautiful desert transformed into a vast sand trap of death and hatred, the sand grains smeared black from the explosions and gunfire. People running in all directions, refugees, escaping for their lives, screams of terror and pleas. The devastating and ugly trail of dead bodies across the desert only telling half the tale from the horrible violence that had occured there. The terrified face of a young marine being sent out to what would inevitably be his death. He had seen many like him go out before him, only to be killed before his very eyes.
This was war. This was the ugly essence of the very violence humans were capable of. No better than animals. The pure hatred that lived and breathed in both sides was driving humans to become beasts. It was revolting and disgusting. Sara could no longer look.
She shut the paper with such force she teared the corner. In her sorrow and anger she pulled the rip harder and split the page in two, going further she ripped the fragile paper into as many pieces as she could manage, smaller and smaller each time.
Finally the rage flooded out, she was left to slide, exhausted, down the side of the kitchen wall, her tears finally spilling out and her breath coming out in heartbroken sobs.
She cried for the people that had dyed, she cried for the people who were going to die, she cryed for the people who had lost loved ones, left to mourn and grieve alone. She cried for her own predicament.
Jack had been drafted.
The thought of her husband going out to face these terrors that flashed before her eyes was enough to renew her tears. She wept silently, praying to keep Jack safe, to return him to her safely. It was the unfairness of the situation that hit her the hardest and in a brief moment she was willing to blame Jack for all of this. Why the Air Force, why ? Why not some simple desk job, why not a safe job ?
Then the answer came to her, she had known it all along, had known it when she had married him.
That was who he was. Jack was active, wasn't happy if he wasn't doing something. He risked his life for others, to keep them safe. Jack and the Air Force were an ideal match.
Though sometimes when he had come home from missions she could tell something had gone wrong, something devastating, or something that Jack had been ordered to do had been more than distasteful.
Suddenly strong hands were wrapping around her arms, pulling her up slowly and gently. She willingly returned the embrace, drawing closer and crying openly, resting her head against the firm shoulder.
Jack held his wife closely, needing to feel her, needing to touch her, to say goodbye in his own way. Knowing it would be a long time before he would see her again, and by god, he WOULD see her again.
He could feel her grief through her shaking body, wanting to say something to relieve her sadness. They had both put off thinking about this day, the day he was leaving to defend his country, to face guns and tanks, explosions and cruelties far beyond the imagination.
"Sshh." He said softly, pulling apart from their embrace, looking at her wet, tear stained face and red-rimmed eyes. The sight almost caused him to lose his composure, but he couldn't do that, had to remain strong, keep a strong hold of the hope that flowed so strongly through him.
He tenderly ran his hand down the side of her face, adding his strength to hers. No matter the distance between them, the bond of love and compassion would never faulter. He tried to convey reassurance through his eyes, his deep, brown eyes staring intently into Sara's blue jewels.
"Jack." She whispered, not knowing how to tell him what was going on in her head at that moment.
Jack nodded quietly, running his hand through her hair.
"I know," he said gently, "it'll all be alright, don't worry."
"Don't worry !" Sara spluttered. "How can I not worry Jack ?"
"Frank will take care of me, no-one gets left behind. I believe him, I trust him with all my heart, and now you'll have to trust me, I'll come home, I don't know when, but I'll be back." Jack said with such firm belief that a smile tugged at Sara's lips, yet it never reached her eyes.
"Don't leave me Jack." She choked out. Jack could feel tears stinging at the back of eyes, and before he knew it a single tear had slipped out and was slowly trickling down the side of his face.
"I don't want to go."
"But..."
"It's my duty, to my country, to my fellow countrymen, to Charlie."
"I'm glad he isn't here. Was it the right thing to send him to my mother's for today ?" Sara referred to their son. She had explained as gently as she could that his daddy would have to go away for a while. He had cried, yet too young to understand what was going on around him.
"I wouldn't be able to leave if he was here, it would hurt to much. Every time I close my eyes I will see you and Charlie, and I will come home. Take care of him."
Outside a loud honk of a horn startled them out of their emotions. Sara regained her composure, took a step back and wiped a hand over her eyes, drying them but not disguising the inner tears. She looked intensively at her husband.
He was dressed in his military field uniform. He always looked so good in it, so handsome, it wrapped around his healthy and fit body perfectly. He had been born to wear that uniform and Sara knew that whatever she did, Jack would always be Jack, she couldn't change him.
They pulled apart, Jack jogged to the base of the stairs and lifted his luggage - one military issue rucksack. Carefully, from the front pocket, Jack pulled out a chain and held it out to Sara.
"Kiss it." He said simply.
Sara obeyed, gracing the soft metal of his wedding ring on the end of the chain with a delicate kiss and closing her eyes as she silently prayed.
Jack took the chain and ring back and kissed it also, before putting it firmly round his neck. An ever present reminder of who he was and why he continued to live.
Sara looked down at her own ring and smiled sadly. She knew Jack would make it back, she just had to trust him. He wouldn't break a promise.
The car outside beeped again. But both ignored it for a second as Sara looked deep into Jack's eyes. Unspoken words seemed to transmit down their unbroken bond. Sara forced herself not too think of the images she had seen earlier.
Jack couldn't stand leaving her, it was too hard, he knew Sara had read the paper that morning and knew the situation was worsening in the middle east. He only hoped he could keep his promise and come back to protect her and Charlie - his family.
The reasuring pressure of the metal pressing against his chest from the ring and chain only reinforced his determination to get home again.
"I have to go," he whispered brokenly, every second becoming harder to keep his composure.
"I know," Sara nodded, accepting fate.
They moved closer together, feeling each others warmth and proximity, hot breath on each others skin. Closer and closer.
A tender kiss that could never be matched sent waves of heat through Jack's body, hope surged through him again and again. A type of heat that would keep him warm for the months that followed. Love.
As they broke apart Jack experienced a strong overwhelming sense of loss. He had to go, had to leave her, had to leave his son, his home, his friends, everything that was familiar and loving.
"I love you."
"I'll pray every night. Come back to me."
Sara followed Jack through the door and onto their impeccable driveway. Pulled up their was a black Sedan, waiting to wisk Jack away to wherever he was needed.
Jack opened the door to the car and flung his bag in, turning to see her one last time.
Sara could feel renewed tears brewing at the back of her eyes. She forced them back. She had to be strong now, she could grieve later, now she needed to be calm, portray a steady source of support for her husband.
Jack looked at her for a long time, a range of emotions flashed past his beautiful eyes, the look that he gave Sara almost made her break down right there.
"Bye," He said with so much compassion that brought tears to her eyes again.
The car door slammed shut and the Sedan proceeded to back out the driveway. Jack's face was pressed up hard against the window, looking at her, loving her.
Jack got his last view of his home and family. It filled him with renewed hope. He would make it back, he would keep his promise.
Sara watched the car drive down the road, Jack twisted in his seat to wave to her, leaving his hand pressed against the window, a lasting impression that left a mark on the glass.
Finally the car disappeared round the corner and was gone forever.
Sara ran back into the house, her emotions to much to handle, slamming the door with a force that reflected her feelings.
The house felt empty. Sara felt empty. She only felt half complete, Jack was her other half. Together they were whole. She felt lost, a stranger in her own house.
Running upstairs she flung herself down on the bed and cried herself to sleep, the exhausting and overwhelming emotions too much for her.
"Bring him back, please bring him back to me."
And somewhere within her subconcious, Jack's voice called:
"You have to trust me, I'll come home."
*Fin*
This story is dedicated to all the people who fought in the Gulf war, to those who died, and to those who lost loved ones.
Any feedback welcome, please be nice, I know it's a bit depressing, but I couldn't help it !
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Nephtys
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