Wrongs darker than death or night
Wrongs darker than death or night
by Amy Robinson
Summary: Have Sam and Jack come out 'the other side' intact?
Category: Angst, Drama, Missing Scene/Epilogue, POV, Thoughts
Episode Related: 402 The Other Side
Season: Season 4
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: G
Warnings: adult themes, none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 02/17/04
I'd never been afraid of him before, though I knew he had a temper on him. I never once thought that he would kill, not for his life, or mine or Daniel's or Teal'c's, but because he had taken it upon himself to be judge, jury and executioner. We both knew, the colonel and I, that the leader of a racist group, similar in goal to the KKK but on a grander scale, was coming through the gate behind us but when we reached the other side, looking at me all the while, he said, 'close the iris'.
I stood riveted to the spot, my eyes burrowing into his in an effort to understand but I couldn't. I couldn't even countermand his order, scream that a life was on the line, that someone was going to smack up against the iris and then bounce straight back through the Stargate into oblivion, because I was, am, loyal to my colonel, my c.o. and my lover. Unfortunately, they are all the same man.
But what will the atmosphere be like tonight, I doubt he will sleep in my bed and if he does could I bear to have him touch me with his bloodstained hands? I honestly don't know.
At three o'clock in the morning my conscience refuses to let me sleep and I contemplate driving back to the base, maybe get some work done, take my mind off things. I keep trying to justify what we did, and yes it was we because I'm as guilty as he is for not stopping it when I had the chance. The racist pig was as worthy of death as they come, who knows how many people he massacred in his life because their skin was not the same colour as his, there's no doubt that he deserved it, had it coming to him but why aren't these words helping me out? Maybe because they lack sincerity, and truth and every damn thing I thought I stood for. I used to think I had morals.
To my surprise, there is a knock at the door and I'm immediately sure of who it is, never the less I pull on my dressing gown to cover myself. For a moment I am torn between whether or not to let him in, I know what he's here for. He wants the same thing as me. Distraction. As soon as my front door creaks open we are in each other's arms, losing ourselves as quickly as possible in the ethereal world of physical completion. We could go on all night to keep the demons at bay but I throw him back to the wolves when he tries to hold me close. He's lost the privilege of a warm body to hold in the cold ruthless night. And so have I.
I don't have the right to be with you tonight
So please leave me alone with no saviour in sight
I will sleep safe and sound with nobody around me
When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them
And I smile; yes I smile as they're taking me over.
And if I cannot sleep for the secrets I keep
It's the price I'm willing to meet
The end of the night never comes too quickly for me
I'm sorry for what has been done and part of me is always going to look at Jack differently - I'm sorry for that too. I'm sorry that loyalty has forced my morality into the shadows and I'm ashamed to say that I don't know who I am protecting - the man I love or a member of my team. I always swore to myself that I would never be ruled by a man and I'm sorry that, today, I was. I'm sorry for my weaknesses and I hope that I can do enough in my lifetime to make up for my sins.
For the wrongs darker than death or night.
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