To Face What's True
To Face What's True
by AngelQueen
Summary: Sometimes, a person must face their greatest nightmare before being allowed to realize their most cherished dream.
Category: Angst, Future Story, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Season: future Season
Pairing: Jack/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: violence
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 06/06/03
*They raced towards the Stargate, dodging staff fire as they went. It seemed to be coming from everywhere. As they ran, they did their best to return fire over their shoulders so that some of the heat would be taken off their backs.
It had been a trap, Jack thought grimly. Anubis was getting smarter. He'd put out the cheese and like good little rats, they'd bolted right toward it. Finding Daniel's lost city was proving to be more of a pain in the ass than they'd anticipated it would be.
They had to get back to the Stargate. Though it would take too long to dial home, the Tok'ra had those ring things set up so they could work their Scotty impressions on them.
"Move people! Move it!" He shouted. Ducking behind a convenient rock formation, Jack started firing back in earnest. Several of the Jaffa pursuing them fell to the sandy ground, but dozens more were still coming at them, firing madly. Cursing inwardly, Jack started after the rest of his team.
What happened next seemed to occur in slow motion, like some higher being wanted to make sure that he didn't forget it.
And it worked. He would never forget what he saw and experienced.
Jack was almost to the DHD, where Daniel and Carter-Teal'c was somewhere nearby-had both taken cover, when a searing pain ripped into his right shoulder blade. As he stumbled, he thought he heard three distinctly different voices yelling his name.
Good, he thought, feeling relieved. They were still okay. Hopefully he would be too.
Gritting his teeth against the pain, Jack started to push himself towards the DHD. "Gah," he hissed when the movement jarred his shoulder. But he continued his agonizingly slow crawl towards his team.
When he heard Carter shout at Daniel and Teal'c to cover her, he whipped his head up, intending to tell her to stay where she was.
He didn't have the chance.
The moment she slipped out from the cover of the DHD, the Jaffa seemed to concentrate their fire at her. Carter couldn't dodge them all.
Two of them landed close to her, but didn't hit her directly. She was knocked on her back, but not hurt. Then a staff blast hit her dead on in the chest just as she was starting to sit up. Another hit her in the leg.
Time stopped.
He stared at Carter, his eyes locked with hers. They were wide, wider than he'd ever seen them. Shock flitted through them, soon followed by pain and agony.
Jack's surroundings and sensations vanished. All he could see was Carter as she slowly slumped to the ground. Moving more quickly than he had in years, Jack thrust his body towards her, somehow not even registering the pain from his own wound.
He'd never know how he made it to her side and all but dragged her back behind the DHD.
"Keep firing at them," he snapped at Daniel. Not bothering to give the distraught younger man a second glance, Jack turned back to Carter.
The wound was bad. Real bad. Her uniform had provided her some protection, but not enough.
"Oh my god," he breathed. Grabbing her vest, he tore it open, hoping to get a better look. The moment he saw it, he almost wished he hadn't. The black, charred remains of her shirt and skin were not something he liked to see. Frantic to stop the bleeding and get some antibiotics into her system, he pressed the remains of her vest against the wound and started reaching for his own scant medical supplies.
"Sir..."
He didn't pause in what he was doing, but he did let his eyes rest on her pale face. "Quiet, Carter," he said harshly. "Hold on. You're gonna make it."
A trickle of blood slid out of the corner of her mouth. She coughed violently, then choked, "Don't... think so, sir... Sorry..."
Carter was fading fast. The life was draining out of her. Jack could see it, but refused to accept what his mind knew to be true.
"Dammit, Sam! Hold on! That's a God-damn order."
But it was one order she could not obey. Her eyes were slowly sliding shut.* `Oh god no...'
*"No," he whispered aloud, reaching to Carter's neck with a blood-covered hand. Her pulse was extremely faint, barely there. "No..."
Panic surged through Jack's heart when her pulse stopped. Frantically, he abandoned the antibiotics and started doing chest compressions, trying to ignore the blood that was soaking through and around her vest.
"Come on, Sam," he said in a ragged voice. "Come on!"
Jack didn't stop doing the chest compressions and the rescue breathing, not even when the familiar sensations of the transportation rings surrounded him. He didn't pause when a polished metal floor replaced the sandy ground. All he knew was that he had to save her.
Rough hands pulled him away from her and he roared in protest, trying to tear himself away from them. Why didn't they understand?! He had to save her! They were killing her! He could hear Daniel trying to speak to him, to calm him down, but it was so far away.
Then Jacob Carter appeared in front of him. Anger, sorrow, and guilt warred for dominance on his weathered face. "Why," he asked, his voice thick with emotion. "Why did you let my baby girl die? Why Jack?"*
Jack shot up from the cot on which he was laid, words of denial fighting to be voiced. Tremors shook his body as he slowly rested his still-weary head in his hands.
He sincerely wished that the nightmare that still echoed in his mind was just that: a nightmare. But it wasn't. All that had been in it had occurred. That is, except for the words Jacob had "spoken." In reality, Jacob had just stood there, his eyes darting between Jack and the bloody form of his daughter, a mixture of shock, anger, and panic evident in his manner.
Jacob's daughter. Sam. Oh god... no... she's gone...
Sam was dead. She was gone.
And Jack, at the moment, wanted nothing more than to join her in that oblivion. He lay back down and shifted to his side, turning his back on the outside world.
Daniel sat outside of the room the Tok'ra had moved Jack to. His wound hadn't been too severe and had been taken care of easily with their healing devices. Jack had fallen unconscious during the procedure, which had mercifully ended his ruthless attempts to return to Sam's side.
He stood up from his uncomfortable chair, running his hand through his recently cropped hair. He should go in and check on Jack, to see if he was awake. Teal'c was still in the Tok'ra's medical bay... standing guard over...
Fighting back the urge to shiver, Daniel stepped into the small room. The lights were still on the lower settings, broadcasting only a dim glow around the eight by ten space. The room was extremely bare, housing only a chair and a cot that probably made the SGC infirmary beds feel comfortable.
Jack was no longer on his back, as the Tok'ra had left him. He'd turned over on his side, facing the sterile wall. His breathing, Daniel observed silently, seemed to have lost the smooth rhythm of sleep. He was awake.
"Jack," he said quietly, ending the dismal silence that permeated the room like cigarette smoke. There was something... oppressive about it, as if it were devoid of a crucial element in a person's life.
There was no reply. Not even a sullen, dejected, "Yeah?" Why was he ignoring him? "Jack," Daniel tried again, this time with a more persistent tone.
Still no reaction. Sighing he reached out and carefully tugged on Jack's shoulder, trying to pull him around to face him. It only worked briefly. Jack mechanically jerked his arm out of Daniel's grasp and whipped back to face the wall.
But Daniel had still seen his face. He stumbled back, nearly sick with horror. He immediately left the room, nearly tripping over the vacant chair in his haste. Good god. He looked dead...
He sank back into his seat and leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes. The look in Jack's dark eyes scared him more than an entire fleet of Goa'uld motherships could. He'd never, ever seen that expression on Jack O'Neill's face...
"DanielJackson, are you well?"
Teal'c. Good, dependable Teal'c.
Opening his eyes, he looked at the Jaffa warrior. "Aren't you supposed to..." He trailed off, not having the strength to continue.
The larger man shook his head. "There is little for me to do there. What of O'Neill? Has he awakened?"
Daniel laughed, his voice containing a bitter note in it. "If you can call it that. Teal'c, he's in bad shape. He's awake, but he won't respond."
The other man raised his eyebrow. "You are referring to his emotional state," Teal'c stated.
"Yeah," he replied, nodding. "I've never seen him like this. Not during the first mission to Abydos after Charlie died, not when he had to shoot Skaara. In those cases, he was angry. Angry at himself. Angry at the world. And he acted that way. He took it out on the people we fought, turned it into something constructive. But now..."
Daniel took a shuddering breath, trying not to let his emotions overtake him. "He's bottling everything up inside, Teal'c. Shutting the world out. Why? Why is he doing it? Why is he allowing himself to lose hope?"
Teal'c did not answer immediately. The silence was deafening. When he did, his words were brief. "MajorCarter meant a great deal to O'Neill. He himself once stated that he would rather die than lose her."
The archeologist's head shot up, his eyes wide. That was true. Jack had just watched Sam take a staff blast in the chest, and had felt her heart stop. "Oh god, do you mean... Jack thinks..."
"Would he have reason to believe otherwise?"
Daniel didn't say another word. He jumped up and hurled himself down the hall at break-neck speed, not daring to pause and look back.
This was his fault. He had no one to blame but himself for the situation he was in. He'd failed to protect a member of his team. He'd failed Carter.
Jacob would hate him for this. Hell, the man most likely despised him already and was only being held back by Selmak. Jack, as far as Jacob was probably concerned, had killed his little girl. He couldn't be guiltier even if he'd been the one to pull the trigger.
And he would be right. Jack knew that he was the one responsible for what happened to her.
God, why was he surprised? He should have known better than to allow himself to get close to her. Practically every relationship he'd ever been in had fallen apart in some way. His own carelessness had killed Charlie, Sara had finally gotten fed up with him and left, Skaara was gone. Hell, even Daniel had left him at one point.
It proved that being close to him was dangerous. He should have kept his distance from her, for her own safety as well as his own sanity. Now it was too late. She was gone.
Jack closed his eyes, feeling the agony inside him assault his senses. It was more potent than any physical pain he'd ever felt, and he'd felt plenty, especially in the past year. No doubt it was less than he deserved. He`d-
"Jack, you have to wake up."
-betrayed the most sacred of bonds, the ones that could only be forged by the ultimate acts of trust. He had, yet again, screwed up his life so bad-
"Please Jack, you have to listen to me!"
God damn it, Daniel! What's the point, Jack thought, fighting the urge to just start yelling as loud as he could, shouting out his grief. Sam's dead. Whatever dreams we might have had are gone. Everything they'd ever wanted was ashes on the ground. All-
His internal rant came to a sharp and sudden halt. Something had changed around him. There was a surge of... something that he could almost describe as electric. He'd felt this before. He had every time-
Slowly, terrified of what he might or might not see, Jack started to turn around on the bed.
Daniel watched Jack slowly sit up. He knew the older man had barely been registering his frantic words, so why was he moving now?
As he predicted, Jack's eyes did not rest on him. Instead they slid right past him and landed on something behind him, near the door. Daniel glanced over his shoulder. When he spotted the one who had gotten Jack's attention, his eyes widened, comprehension flooding his mind. He carefully stepped aside.
Sam stood in the doorway, her hand grasping his father's arm in support. She wore a tan outfit that she'd been changed into during her time unconscious. Her face was almost completely devoid of color, making her blue eyes stand out even more than they normally did. And just as Jack stared at her, her eyes were fastened on him in return.
Jack stood up gradually, as if the effort was completely draining him. Sam similarly let go of her father and took a few tentative steps forward. Daniel knew it was time for them to leave. He quickly slid around Sam and motioned for Jacob to precede him out the door. The older man looked fit to protest, but Daniel shook his head firmly, gesturing again for him to leave.
The moment the door slid shut, Jacob burst out, "What are you doing, Doctor? She just got shot. She barely made it down here! Hell, she shouldn't even be up! Why-"
"Because," Daniel interrupted, his eyes still gazing at the door, wondering what the results of this would be. "He thought she was dead."
Jacob was unable to reply to that.
Jack didn't notice the other's departure. He didn't hear the door shut. Frankly, he wouldn't care if the President himself suddenly materialized and saw him gaping at his 2IC.
She was there. She was standing scant feet away from him. She was breathing. She wasn't dead. She was alive.
He surged forward, closing the remaining space between them, and pulled her against him. Great, heaving sobs wracked his body as he clung to her. It all came pouring out of him and nothing would be able to stem the tide.
He was vaguely aware of her returning his embrace, stroking his back soothingly. "Shh," she whispered. "It's okay."
"God, Sam," he said, still shuddering. "I... I thought I'd lost you." He shut his eyes, hoping that her presence would banish the horrible images in his mind.
"You didn't," she assured him. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, Jack."
He rested his chin on her head. Now that he was holding Sam, reassuring himself that she was indeed alive, he was able to calm his churning, turbulent emotions. Shock, relief, and elation were slowly being replaced by embarrassment. Jack started to pull away, but she would not release her grip on him.
"God Jack," he muttered, more to himself than to her, "Get your shit together."
He both heard and felt her chuckle. "You can't get rid of me that easily," she informed him, her tone light. "Don't you know that?" Sam pulled back enough to allow them a view of one another's face.
Jack's lips twitched slightly. Allowing himself to bask in the light of Sam's smile, he reverently brushed his lips against her forehead, mentally thanking whatever true higher beings there were for not taking her from the world just yet.
"Like I'd want to."
Jack breathed a sigh of relief when the Stargate came into sight. He was glad to be going home. After this mission and all that had happened, he was even looking forward to the downtime Doc Frasier was sure to insist that SG-1 take.
The moment they were released from the ring transports, Daniel made a beeline for the DHD. Teal'c followed closely, scanning the surrounding area for threats.
Carter reached out and hugged her father, who stood nearby with two Tok'ra escorts. Jack nodded to Jacob before stepping away to give father and daughter some privacy. He scowled at the other two Tok'ra disapprovingly until they did the same.
Turning away, Jack slowly started making his way towards Daniel and Teal'c. Oh yeah, he was definitely looking forward to going home. He and General Hammond had a lot to talk about. Namely a few policy changes that needed to occur in the very near future.
The General was going to have to allow him and Carter a little leeway when it came to their relationship. In other words, if they weren't free to pursue it and still remain together on SG-1, he would resign, effective immediately. No transfers, no compromise.
A part of him felt a little guilty for putting the man on the spot, but Jack was afraid that it couldn't be helped. He had experienced one of the blackest pits of Hell in believing Sam to be dead. He had thought that whatever remained of his soul had been ripped out of him. He had no wish to feel such a sensation again. Especially not without having at least truly told her how he felt.
"Sir?"
Jack glanced up. Sam stood next to him, looking at him with a concerned expression. He gave her a confident grin. "It's nothing, Major. Just doing a little planning."
She nodded as they walked towards the now active Stargate. Daniel and Teal'c stood next to it, waiting for them patiently. "Oh?"
"Yeah. The General and I need to have a talk about some changes in the regulations that I believe need to be made."
Sam stopped in her tracks. Her blue eyes wide, she gaped at him. But Jack just continued to smile at her, barely feeling concerned at all. After a moment, she blinked and shook her head, a small smile coming onto her face. They slowly continued up the steps towards the Gate.
"Well, I hope all goes well with that, sir. The SGC does need to keep up with the times, after all."
Jack laughed as they stepped through the Stargate.
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