Heaven
Heaven
by Bean
Summary: When you love, then lose.
Category: Angst, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, POV, Romance
Season: any Season
Pairing: Daniel/other
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).
Archived on: 10/20/03
This is basically Jack asking Daniel what's wrong one day when he looks depressed. This is all from Daniel's point of view.
I was once asked what heaven was like.
Having died a couple of times myself it would seem as if I would be most able to correctly answer this question. But looking down at those emerald green eyes I could not find the words. I felt as if I never got to experiance heaven. Hell, I don't even know if there is one. Everytime I felt the deadly charge of a staff weapon burning my flesh, my immediate thought occupied my mind. My immediate thought was, of course, of Sha're. Before she died, it was that I would never truly see her again. After she died it was that she would be waiting for me beyond the 'gates' that everyone talks about. It's amazing how you can concentrate on a thought, or an image in your mind and everything else just, fades away.
There IS a light. One time I even reached up to it, hoping that that would somehow speed the process up, it doesn't. It's an exquisite feeling, one's life slipping away. You feel neither hot, nor cold. You don't know whether you are ascending or falling. You just are. But one thing is for sure, when your heart begins beating again, you fall. You do not hit the ground you merely go back into your body. Your eyes open and you see the world again. I think that whoever controls the after life decides that you are not to see or experience heaven or hell until it is sure you are dead, never to breath again. Then, it occured to me, heaven, can be on earth. For some it is.
But for me it wasn't until I met someone, someone that showed me that life is what happens when you lose all fear of death. To live, you cannot be afraid to die. She said that a lot, as if it justified the destructive things she did. She had, what could only be descibed as a gravitational pull, when you were around her, you could not help but be pulled in. She could go a party where she did not know a soul in the room, but after ten minutes, she would be surrounded by people, telling jokes and laughing as if they were her life-long friends. People gravitate to her, just like I did. She was an artist of most everything, she painted, she sculpted, and she took pictures. There's one of me that she took hanging on the wall beside me. I look happy. I remember feeling happy. Your probably wondering what a girl like that is doing with a guy like me. I wonder that myself.
I met her in a bookshop, she worked there. She had to pay the bills somehow. Anyway, it was the one that I got all my reference books from. I did what I did every other time I had gone I there, I grabbed whatever books I was needing, browsed around for new ones, and made my way to the cash register. She greeted me with a smile and asked me how I was. 'Fine' was the only thing I could think to say. Her smile could captivate you. It was like sunshine. We made small talk and I returned to work. Unaware of the fact that events had been set in motion in my life that would dramatically alter it forever.
One day she asked me if I knew a good place to get coffee. I said, "I'll agree to tell you under one condition."
"What's that?" She asked.
"That you agree to have a cup with me." She said that I didn't look too phsycotic, and agreed. We sat in that coffee shop talking till closing time. She was enigmatic, to say the least. When we left, she said she wanted to do it again sometime. So we did. Thats why I started leaving on time. I met her after work and we ate dinner together. She made each time memorable. She made me laugh, and forget about everything bad that was happening in my life. One time as I was walking her back to her apartment, she kissed me. She was direct with everything she did, including that. From then on kissing became a normal thing between us.
It was the first 'normal' relationship I've had in a long time. It made me feel good to finally have something to lose outside of the SGC.
When I got that week's worth of leave, I wasn't at a convention, I took her to a cabin in the mountains that my uncle owned. It was the best week of my life. She cooked almost every night, she was a great cook.
Last night, she asked what I was hiding from her. She could read me like a book. I refused to tell her about the SGC. We fought. She was stubborn, so it didn't end well. This morning, I woke up to find an envelope on my doorstep. I opened it and inside there was a letter from her saying that she loved me, but that she had to leave. Why? I don't know. What I do know is that that goddam stargate has caused me more loss than anything.
Whoever said that it's better to have loved then lost, than to never have loved at all, obviously never loved then lost. Her name was Heaven, and I'll never forget her. I'll never try. If I had it all to do over again, I would have told her, some things are just more important than secrets.
Yay! You read it all, now I need feedback! PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK, OF ANY KIND!!!
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Bean
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